LD 

1442 
1880 




FRESHMAN HISTORY 



OF THE 



CLASS OF EIGHTY, 



DAKTMOTJTH COLLEGE, 



FOB 



1876-7. 



WILLIE B. FELLOWS, Historian. 



HANOVER, N. H. 
PRINTED AT THE DARTMOUTH PRESS. 

1877. 



/S'cfO 



Si ^ 



A 



FRESHMAN HISTORY OF '80, 



The Centennial and the formation of the class of '80 took 
place in one and the same year. Would it be asserting too 
much to say they were a complete success ? Voices from every 
direction tell me No ! and may the future sustain the state- 
ment. 

Hanover became acquainted with several of our men the 
Commencement week of '76, but we were first represented as a 
class at the beginning of the fall term. The majority entered 
on certificates stating what each was supposed to know. A few 
had the audacity to pass examinations. The first day was 
spent in procuring and arranging rooms and taking first lessons 
in " cheek " from the hucksters and venders of furniture, et cet- 
era. The carefully folded "greenbax " went from us, one by one. 
The day was exceedingly warm and during the forenoon Soph- 
omores were very attentive indeed, freely giving advice here, and 
helping there. The merits and demerits of the societies seemed 
the most interesting — to them at least. As the day wore away 
we were gradually deserted and an intense stillness brooded 
over all things, portending some grand event, what, we knew 
not. The shades of evening were quietly settling down and all 
nature seemed hushed in Sabbath repose, when a yell, piercing 
and terrible, rent the air near the upper corner of the campus, 
at the same moment Rev. Dr. Leeds was returning thanks in 
the prayer-meeting that " the students were again engaged with 
their accustomed duties." This particular " duty " was attend- 
ed with considerable confusion. As the scene is indelibly pho- 
tographed on the mind of every member of the class present I 
will not mar its symmetry by an attempt to portray it in words, 
and not being acquainted with a single member of the class at 
that time I can give no account of the many deeds of prowess 



4 FRESHMAN HISTORY. 

performed. It was reported a few days after that Jack Niles, 
after long and patient endeavors, sueceeded in getting a pur- 
chase on a certain Junior's coat tail round a neighboring tree, 
and thus in doing service for his class gained immortal .^fame. 
Y e Sophomores for a short time cherished the hope that the 
ball was their's, but it was not, as they soon discovered. The 
next morning in chapel we were surprised by the information 
that "rushes were not allowed," which accounts for the scarci- 
ty of "rushes" in the recitation rooms. 

The following Wednesday afternoon, while '78 were tutor- 
ing us in the arts of football, Sophy again spread himself by 
cutting the ball, but the way he rolled in the indecore pulvere 
was a caution to all meddlers. During the first half of the 
term society was the theme of all discussions and from the 
mighty Senior down, all made themselves agreeable to the 
Freshman — till he had pledged, then, my countrymen, what a 
change came over the spirit of our dreams. Paenes and Fresh- 
ies were we indeed ! Hallman pledged " Digamma." It is un- 
certain when he joined as his replies are few and short on that 
subject. The first class-meeting was held Wednesday, Sept. 6. 
Service was elected President; King, c. s. d., Vice-President; 
Perry, Secretary; Gaines, Treasurer; May, Foot-ball Captain. 
Here we began to get acquainted with " Bobby," whose loud 
cries for "Base Ball" resounded through our august assemblies. 
But Bobby was destined to disappointment, for Abbott was 
chosen B. B. Capt. in spite of Bobby's untiring efforts for a dif- 
ferent administration. At this meeting we received and ac- 
cepted a challenge from '79 to play a match game of foot ball 
on the following Saturday. Upon this our Captain gave a stir- 
riug address, which was received with great applause. Satur- 
day arrived slippery and rainy, but our ardor was in nowise 
dampened. Promptly at two o'clock both classes appeared 
upon the field. The campus was lined with umbrellas shelter- 
ing the adherents of both parties. Each man received his sta- 
tion and as the ball was warned sprang forward with the de- 
termination to do his best. The struggle was hard and instead 
of being beaten the three rounds in the customary five min- 
utes, at the end of fifteen minutes '80 came out victorious in 
the first bout. This was a surprise to all, and to none more 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. O 

than ourselves. Owing to our inexperience '79 beat the next 
three rounds. The whole game lasted one hour and twenty 
minutes. Such was our first foot ball game and we left the 
field with more glory than was strictly proper, as we were noth- 
ing but Freshmen. In this game we became more acquainted 
with the merits of each member, and found of what mettle 
the class is composed. May, Edgerly, Hallman and Gaines 
showed themselves the heavy men in the rushes. Some, though 
small in stature, showed they were not to be^dispisedjwhen 
their delicate, yet strong feet struck the ball, or when they 
raised their voices at some critical moment with the cry of '80 ! 
'80 ! ! 

We had two men of ponderous size and for the purpose of 
distinguishing them we said Tom Bowels and Gutsey^Edgerly, 
Both were prominent men, one as a singer, and the other on 
account of the excellent quality of his tobacco; and also his 
rooms being at the Mathematical Headquarters, the benefits of 
of which are manifest at examinations. 

Dodge was known on the campus and " street "; as Antiquari- 
an, and his chum answers to the call of Antediluvian. Where 
"Hubbard" sounds strange " Skipper " is instantly recognized. 
Let the class shed tears as we relate his misfortunes. Skipper 
entered with spotless character and showed upon his tawny 
cheeks that " coming events cast their shadows before." We 
would enlarge upon his other charms but space forbids, suffice 
it to say he was a comely youth. Several of his personal 
friends, perceiving that the anxiety attendant upon hisfcoming 
whiskers was wearing upon him, kindly took upon themselves 
the task of relieving him of his burden. He foolishly resisted 
his benefactors, but in vain, Johnson, Jack and Bobby were not 
to be trifled with and soon the cherished whiskers departed 
hence, forever. Skipper, nothing daunted, started another lot, 
but they were born only to die. This last indignity crushed 
even the mighty spirit of Skipper and his voice is no longer 
heard in the club. 

As we approach Ham we pause and gaze in wonder and 
admiration : tall and straight as a pine, rather thin at times, 
high forehead, piercing eyes, roman nose, curlly hair, and last, 
but not least, a mouth. Let us interview the club man about 



6 FRESHMAN HISTORY. 

Hammy. Listen to him while, with tears in his eyes, he 
speaks : "He is a patent grub machine, six-horse power, doable 
backaction, self-regulating, and warranted never to get out of 
order. Do not think I weep for what he eats, it is not that. 
My mother owns a hash house in a distant city and if she could 
have that "bile vittle smasher" of his her fortune would be 
made." Report says John paid fifteen cents to see the Athlet- 
ic prizes distributed. John says it is a lie. Roberts is a man 
of note. He is three and yet one. He boasts himself to be 
Minnie, Sissy and Mrs. Mitchell, also he boasts himself able to 
thrash any who trifle and fool round with the above names. 
For nearly all the Fall term he was in a strait 'twixt five, but, 
at last, having surveyed the country routed about Hanover, in 
many long walks with "splendid" Sophomores, he consented 
to pledge. . 

One day Dickey asked. "Professor, what kind of cheese is 
made from sheep ?" He is known by no name except Cheesus. 
One night Jack said unto Bobby, "A turkey supper would 
be nobby." Bobby said unto Jack, " That is a fact." It was 
Saturday night, and our reporter always studies his Biblicals at 
that time so we are entirely ignorant of the events of that 
memorable night. But the next morning, about church time, 
there was a great commotion back of Dartmouth Hall, and a 
witness w T ould have seen several excited gentlemen chasing a 
delapidated turkey. The fowl was soon captured and secreted 
within the gloomy depths of Thornton Hall, and the occupants 
quietly wended their way to church, and as it was Sunday their 
thoughts rested no more that day upon the turkey. Monday 
morning and visions of a turkey supper were ushered in at the 
same time. The first thing to do was to draw the fowl from his 
hiding place and skin him, but when they came to draw r he was 
non est. Great was the consternation and search was insti- 
tuted, high and low, but to no avail. During the evening de- 
licious odors began to float from the open doors and windows 
of Wentworth Hall. This was too much, so Bobby and Jack, 
reinforced by Tom Bowels, with indignation written on their 
honest faces, immediately proceeded to regain their property. 
Long, loud and unavailing were their demands ; heavy and deep 
were their curses as they stood on the wrong side of the door 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 7 

and listened to the praises showered upon that old gobbler. 
The sulphur poured from the Hall in pale-blue streaks. One 
who saw them says they were mad ; they say nothing about it 
themselves. It would require a small book to relate all their 
adventures. How on one raid Bobby was taken sick(?) and fell 
from the wagon ! How Billy — our Foot Ball Capt. — laid low 
on the roof of a barn while the farmer came out to ascertain 
about the disturbance, and, being satisfied, retired. Billy 
looked over the whole brood, and, selecting the plumpest, left. 
Turkey suppers and apples were the rage during the latter part 
of the term, but where they came from was a mystery, till sav- 
age looking farmers began to pour in town and pay the Faculty 
visits and cuss "those, students." It leaked out that the vari- 
ous vegetables were taken " on trust." 

'Twas night, — 16th of Sept, '76, — Dim forms flitted hastily 
about the campus. The dark clouds formed themselves into 
huge, fantastic canes. The wind, moaning through the trees, 
seemed to whisper " Rushes." Standing collars and boiled shirts 
instinctively sought the dark recesses of closets, while blue shirts 
reigned supreme. The clock had slowly tolled ten, and the 
whole world stood hushed, as it were, in awe. A cane was seen 
whizzing in the air while the cry swept through the village, 
"Go in Freshie!" Instantly the front yard of Wentworth 
Hall was filled with boys, strangers to spectators, and strangers 
to each other, agitating that piece of hickory hither and yon, 
amid the battle-wack crys of '79 and '80 were heard. Fortune 
favored neither party. The hedge was, gained and passed. 
What means that hush? 'Tis the voice of Johnny Lord, say- 
ing, " Peace, be still ! " The paralyzed hands of the Sophies 
drop the cane while the Freshies waltz it home. Some benight- 
ed Sophomre, deluded by the hope that his class is for once vic- 
torious, shouts, " O Freshie, where's your cane ? " Let that il- 
lustrious member of '79 watch the members of '80 as they take 
from their pockets the pieces of that cane and pile them, one 
upon another, till it stands before him in all its former symme- 
try. His answer is there. 

After this, with the consent and knowledge of the Faculty, 
May was allowed to take a trip to the Centennial, and Fritzy 
renewed, for a few weeks, his debaucheries and search for some 



8 FRESHMAN HISTORY. 

one to love, amid the palaces of New York, Westchester Coun- 
ty. When he returned he privately told Johnson that next to 
Hanover, New York was the most unlovable place he' was ever 
in. 

On the 11th and 12th of Oct. came the Athletic sports. 
Kib outwalked D. Walker, and took the second prize, in the 
one mile walk. Johnson raised the dust of the arena with his 
immense hoofs in the three mile walk, and a little more prac- 
tice would have made him the second man. The class showed 
their appreciation of his abilities by presenting him with a sil- 
ver pitcher. By the way, he keeps his claret in this pitcher, 
while on the right are the cigars and on the left the "Lone 
Jack." He says he neither smokes or drinks. 

Cogswell was anxious to see the man who could outrun 
him, and judging by the way he spoiled that quarter of a mile 
his anxiety has not yet ceased. 

About this time several of the boys went to the Centen- 
nial. Jones was among the numbor. His accounts of Phila- 
delphia are very enthusiastic indeed, but question about New 
York and his replies are very shakey. Now this seems strange, 
especially so in Jones. To solve this riddle requires two whis- 
key cocktails and one mild cigar administered to the Jockey im- 
mediately after dinner on Sunday. It seems that when they ar- 
rived in New York Jones determined to learn its notable places 
so he could afterward remark, in an off-hand manner, " When I 
was as such and such a place in New York" so, having pro- 
cured a standing collar, he rested his hat upon its upper edge 
and started for Central Park. Bliss and joy ! The Park seemed 
alive with handsome girls, large, middling size, and small. Jones 
is a bold, bad man, when alone, so he plied his handkerchief 
toward a beautiful blue-eyed fairy near him ; her handkerchief 
replied ; he drew near and spoke, she answered, and Edwin was 
a lost man. Having wandered over the Park the fairy pro- 
posed a lunch ; Jones was more than agreeable, so they entered 
a neighboring saloon ; after a while she suggested champagne. 
'• Champagne," roared Jones to the waiter. The pronunciation 
nearly brought a back tooth, but not quite. This was a new 
drink and its effect was queer on Jones. He began to feel sick 
and his head to whirl ; he fancied he saw his fair companion 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 9 

wink at the waiter and glance at himself; he thinks he is 
cribbed, but knows not what is about to come. Three forms 
glide into the room and mention beer. He glances up and re- 
cognizes Jockey as the leader, sense enough is left him to cry, 
" Boys, (hie) t-take me home." Yes, classmates ! Jones was 
fuddled, fuddled as Jockey himself at this point of the narra- 
tion. We are left to conjecture the rest. The reason Dexter 
does not tell on Jones is that he had to pay his bill at the sa- 
loon, and Jones made him promise not to tell before he would 
settle with him. 

Sam Perry went b to Philadelphia also. He came back sick 
and said the water disagreed with him. Roberts says that 
Sam's companion was very extravagant, but, of the two, he 
thinks Sam spent the most while there. 

Spot and Strout went. The " History of the Centennial," 
from Spot's stand-point, is a very interesting thing to hear. 
Strout said nothing after he returned, but his appearance told 
the sad story of his wanderings. Strout looks more like an ani- 
mated Quaker Meeting House than any man in the class, yet he 
has got the cheek that would make a lightning rod man envi- 
ous. While walking through the streets of Norwich, one day, 
he spied a young lady playing croquet alone. He stepped in, 
coolly picked up a mallet, and proposed having a game togeth- 
er. At first the young lady retreated toward the house, in dum 
amazement, but Strout smiled and reasoned, using logic, alge- 
bra, and Quibe, till, at last overcome and convinced, she re- 
turned and a very pleasant hour was spent rambling about the 
wickets. The following expression will sound familiar to some : 
" Stouty, air you a comin home to-night?" It was twelve 
o'clock, and Spot had been hanging over the old gate for two 
hours, afraid to go to bed alone, and waiting for his chum, at 
last he saw him and the above expression was the result. Strout 
replied, as he reeled by with two or three others, "Ya-as, after 
I walk off this turkey supper." 

Dodge was intently watching a fashionable young lady go 
by the recitation room, when he was suddenly called upon to 
recite, and thus he rendered Livy, " The Alps rise up on your 
rear." Johnny followed the direction of Antiquarian's eyes and 
marked him a rush. 
2 



10 



FRESHMAN HISTORY. 



The " Election " came round and with it excitement. The 
only reliable place to obtain news was at the Democratic Head- 
quarters, where rooms Nibs, the Dutchman, and Brigham. All 
three are regular copper-lined democrats. The quality of their 
cider was excellent. A Republican took his life in his hands 
when he entered there alone. They took all the Extra Dart- 
mouths, and the Boston Herald and Post, besides three New 
York Papers. They had direct telegraph communications in 
cipher with Tilden's nephew. Their spies were in the enemy's 
camp. The latest and most reliable news could be procured at 
any moment at their office, which was open night and day. 
But they did not bet. They were too wise; that branch of 
business was carried on by Fritzey, and he attended to it well, 
as the replenished pocket-books and book-shelves of many 
could testify. During the winter the " Headquarters " was 
changed to a gambling saloon, Nibs as player, Brigham, roper- 
in, and the Dutchman, settler of knotty points. But Tom Flint 
was the only man who entered. Ten cents was the combined 
wealth of the " Trio" and Tom. Tom would break the bank 
one night and get ruined himself the next, so after a week they 
went "shucks" on the funds and closed up. 

Pickwick Hall was another noted place. The Dover crew 
roomed there. The Muse of sons and the festive dance resided 
in its sequested nooks. John Ham and his tin-horn were there. 
The mighty mathematicians, Pete and Strout, consumed mid- 
night oil perusing Daniel Deronda, and the like. Difficulties 
were settled by guns and tubs of water. On a calm evening 
the rattle of musketry and the rush of falling water could be 
heard within its walls, while John's wailing cry rent the air im- 
ploring the gods to revenge his injuries. The boys never moved 
anywhere in the dark without wearing rubber overcoats, in fact 
they came to use them as dressing-gowns. 

As the Fall termwas drawing to its close some anxiety wa's 
felt by those who entered on certificates, but this vanished as John- 
ny told us onemorning that we were " All right." The Greek ex- 
amination was rather long and a few sickly horns were sounded 
under Tute's window on that account. Latin was easy and we 
slid through and joyfully started for our first vacation as college 
boys. The vacation passed pleasantly and altogether too quick- 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 11 

ly. Stacy is said to have made a speech while at home, some- 
thing as follows : " Students of Thetford, I am glad to be with 
you again. * * * You have all, doubtless, been impressed 
by the stories of St. Johnsbury ; I was while a student here. 
At Dartmouth there are five St. Johnsbury boys in my class, 
and one of them led his class last year. Yet I, a graduate of 
Thetford, stand, in rank, ahead of them all. I do not say that 
Thetford is better than St. Johnsbury, but you have heard my 
remarks. * * * In closing I will again say, stay here ; don't 
be dazzled by St. Johnsbury, or any other Saint"; cling to Thet- 
ford, and she will do you credit." A rather queer story for a 
man like Stacy, is told of him. He was in the habit of making- 
frequent calls on a certain' good looking school-mistress. These 
suddenly ceased, and it leaked out that she broke a slate over 
his head one evening. The reason for this strange action has 
not been ascertained. 

The 28th of Dec. found the majority of the class again in 
Hanover, seeking some familiar landmark through the immense 
drifts of snow. Dodge, Balch and Edgerly left college, two- 
thirds on account of sickness and the other third by accident. 

During the whole term half an hour each day was devoted 
to Tommy and the Gymnasium. It looked easy to see Tommy 
stand up and shake his fists, dumb-bells and clubs, but when it 
came our turn to shake it was anything but easy. It would 
have brought every button on the waistcoat of any man except 
Tommy's to watch Pierce roll, twist, bump and bang himself 
about. It made the boys very muscular, but all their muscle 
developed on Spring 1st ; so when visitors came in we always 
wound him up, set him on the stage and let him go. Tommy 
would tell them that Spring was picked out at random and as a 
specimen of what the class could do. 

The Dartmouth is responsible for the following items : — 
"The Freshman who had occasion to cut Gymnastics one day 
last week has not yet made up, although he has offered to do 
so. Our regard for his parents prevents our mentioning his 
name." " The two Freshmen who called at " Tilden " to see 
one of the teachers, now stay at home and study." 

On New Years a good number of the class availed them- 
selves of the opportunity of becoming acquainted with the 



12 FRESHMAN HISTORY. 

ladies of the place. The afternoon and evening were made 
very enjoyable to who ever saw fit to call. 

The one bright " bekun lite " of the term was the examina- 
tion in Algebra. It took place in the chapel and occupied two 
afternoons, Quibe said it passed off very orderly and quietly 
indeed. The majority passed. Some passed so well that Prof, 
felt constrained to let them try their skill yet again. Pierce, 
for a few days, was very anxious that all who " cribbed " would 
be found out and compelled to have another examination. 
Whether Hexameter was envious at some who apparently are 
not as good scholars as himself, but handed in better papers, or 
whether he "cribbed" and got " plucked," and wanted some 
more as company, or how it was we cannot tell, yet we con- 
jectured that he "cribbed." 

The Algebras were mournfully(?) laid aside and with Ge- 
ometries under our arms we sought the sanctum of Prof. Emer- 
son. The first recitation would require a long chapter. It was 
varied. Very much so. Also it was instructive. A right an- 
gle varied with every man. When it got round to Hararay his 
reply was the echo of the whole class, " Godamfmo." One in- 
stance, in the latter part of the term, will show the improve- 
ment which, was made. Nibs, on being asked what a section of 
a sphere made by a plane was, replied, " Every section of a 
sphere made by a plane is a plane section of that sphere." He 
hadn't looked at the lesson but he said he drew his conclusion 
from the general knowledge he possessed of Geometry. 

Hiram Diogenes entered the class this term. Hiram im- 
mediately took the recitations in his own hands. His method 
was unique. After an answer was given, for instance, in Geom- 
etry, he would blurt out, " That isn't so, Professor, it can' be, it 
wasn't so in the book I studied." Then they would argue with 
each other, till the Prof, sent him to the board to do the prob- 
lem his way. Having worked an hour in doing what required 
ten minutes, he would take his seat, muttering, " Well, it ought 
not to be so, I didn't learn it that way." He only tried that 
once on Johnny. Johnny gave to him, verbatim, Allen, An- 
drews, Bullion, Hackness, Kruger, Madvig and Zumft, besides 
choice extracts from several lexicons, and he en dec! by asking 
Hiram to call at his office some afternoon, when he was at lei- 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 13 

sure, and he would show Jiim some more references. Hiram 
came to the conclusion that instead of knowing it all he knew 
nothing about it. He says now that he lives to learn. 

One evening Moses went to call on Fanny, and in his ab- 
sent-mindedness went to the front door. The smiling hostess, 
pointing to a side path, said, "You will find her at the back 
door, young man." Sooner said that the Quarters where so 
confounded thick in the winter that he and Mose couldn't get 
any chance. 

Fritzy, at an auction, bid in a translation of Thucydides, 
bearing in mind that he was then reading Pericles' Funeral Ora- 
tion. On examinino; said translation he discovered that the 
eloquence of Pericles had been neatly removed by some former 
hard-pressed Freshman ; and yet Fritzy complains of his " al- 
lowance." That allowance is a source of great trouble to Fritz, 
One time he reckoned up his necessary expenses and found the 
sum exactly agreed with his yearly income. He instantly sent 
his account sheet home, at the same time setting forth his great 
need for " $100 more, for pocket money." The keen paternal 
eye discovered that Fritz had made an error of exactly $100 in 
adding up his income, and now ^instead of adding he even 
threatened to subtract. 

A certain young lady of Hanover was heard to remark, " I 
have mittened Service, Jake, the Quarter, and in fact I have 
mittened nearly half the Freshman class." That is hard on Ba- 
laam, for they do say that next to studying he hates women 
above all things. She didn't mitten Jake the nicdit he walked 
her home away from the Senior. Jake came down at the be- 
ginning of one term and discovered, much to his surprise(?), 
that he was one day ahead of time, so he turned his footsteps 
towards Grace's for comfort, and, instead of finding comfort, he 
found the Quarter. Tableau. 

On the ever-to-be-remembered evening of the 21st of Feb., 
our first class supper took place at the White River Hotel. 
Nearly all the class attended, and four of them with plug hats. 
Those four fellows wore slouch hats of Pease's when they came 
home the next morning. Nibs says it is awful queer how those 
plugs got out of that room. He says, " We carried them up 
stairs, put them under the bed, locked the door and put the 



14 



FRESHMAN HISTORY. 



key in Jack's pocket. When we went for them the window 
was up and the hats gone." It is needless to say that the beav- 
ers were never seen again ; although the Dutchman swore ven- 
geance and vowed he would have his back or something would 
break, "By jimminy !" The supper was excellent; the speech- 
es were good, what there were of them, and there were plenty, 
such as they were. Furman got left by the special teams and 
hired an extra to take him down, so that he would not miss of 
his poem. For this patriotism the class caused the poem to be 
printed. It fully repaid all the trouble it caused. The Dutch- 
man and Hammy did justice to the viands. The Dutchman's 
only remarks to the waiters were, " Give me some of each." 
Some, like Jake, took their first lessons in dancing and had the 
headache the next day. Smith III informed all about " My 
friend Ex-Go v. Straw, Judge This, Rev. Mr. So-and-So, the 

great Dr. ," et cetera, ad infinitum, and " up the other 

side," as Quibe would say. Smithy knows more Hons., Govs., 
Revs, and Drs. than any three men in the class. Bergeron fid- 
dled, some danced, some played cards, some billiards, some 
wandered o'er the downy snow, some watched for a sign, but 
no sign was given them. The majority went home about two 
o'clock, some remained till six. To ascertain what they did, 
inquire of Tom Flint. He will tell how Bobby tried to carry 
away a cottage trunk in his overcoat pocket, and that Brigham 
said he would be "chussed if he wash — ," just then the Dutch- 
man fetched him one, and no more was heard from Brigham 
till the next afternoon. 

I expect Tom knows more about the dark ways of the 
class than even Billy Moore, yet all he appears to know is, that 
"This is a mighty mean country, by gad! where they neither 
run trains or have picnics Sundays, and all act as if they didn't 
know what money was, the darned fools ! " 

The day following the supper was a holiday and all slept, 
except the fellows who roomed in the immediate vicinity of 
Spring. His rehearsal of " Geo. Washington " kept them lively. 

The excitement took place [in the evening. Small Jones 
was the cause of all the trouble. The hat and cane carried him 
into the church, but left him when he stej)ped into the open air. 
He said he heard a whizz and a bang, then he was lying in a 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 15 

snow drift alone. The boys succeeded in rushing the cane and 
Faculty half way up Faculty Ave., where the Professor of Pro- 
fane language secured the cane. It is a wonder how the Facul- 
ty could be about the next day, as every member of the class 
hit every member of the Faculty with at least half a dozen 
snow balls, so each one said. Spot's account of the rush and 
his own mighty deeds were glowing. But they do say that he 
was picked up from behind a tree and dropped into the melee, 
and all his exertions were spent in freeing himself from the 
crowd. For this recreation two men were separated. One left, 
probably never to return, and the other was received back into 
the class at the beginning of the spring term. The rush was 
not premeditated on our part, as the Sunday clothes and white 
neckties of half the class could testify ; neither were the hat and 
cane brought out as a challenge. The next morning about a 
dozen beavers were worn into chapel. Four fellows, each with 
a stove-pipe, on their way home at nine o'clock, were attacked 
by twelve Sophomores. This force, three to one, succeeded in 
capturing exactly two hats. It was here where Spot said to 
Pete, •' I'll take care of Sparticus while you get away w T ith the 
hat." The boys said Pete spread himself mightily but Spot 
tripped up on his own calculations. The fun abated and the 
plugs were hung up. Seven were spoiled, in one way and an- 
other, during the week, but they were used in a good cause and 
were all borrowed. 

In February President Smith's connection with the Col- 
lege ended. Although the other classes felt severely the loss, 
yet it came upon us the hardest as the most of the course is be- 
fore us. During our short acquaintance we learned to honor 
and respect him equally with those who have known him 
longer. 

While Hayward was rooming with Dustan he wanted to 
go over about fourteen miles in Vermont to see his girl. He 
didn't want Dustan to tell about it so he took him along and 
paid his bills. When they returned, Dustan's account of how 
" another feller " was waltziug the fair one round, explained 
why Hayward looked so disconsolate for a few days. 

Those who were out this term, teaching the young ideas 
how to soar, were Billy Moore, Chesley, Beane and Ed. White. 



16 



FRESHMAN HISTORY. 



When Beane returned he said, "Gosh darn it! I suppose I 
might have been back a week ago, but I was having a good 
time, so what in the deuce was the need of hurrying ? " When- 
ever he folded his arms there was a reaching sort of a way 
about them which suggested the Seminary near where he 
taught. Chesley's right "sider" and his "tash" were rather 
ragged. He said anxiety caused their dejected appearance. 
Anxiety is a synonym for female. Billy Moore was so delight- 
ed with his situation that he intends leaving College next year 
and teaching there all the time. He says, "The influences are 
refining." I believe him, for he looked like a Catholic Priest 
when he returned from his school. But at the end of the 
Spring term the visor of his cap was as near the nape of his 
neck, and he was as buttonless as when he left last fall. At the 
end of the Spring term it could not be said of Ed. White that 
he had fairly returned from his school even then. After he 
had nominally returned he used to visit Hartford once a week, 
at least, and sometimes oftener. He said he went for exercise 
and bread and milk. But one afternoon he hurt his knee, play- 
ing ball, and that night he " exercised " himself for some bread 
and milk. He staid so late that he fell by the wayside coming 
home; this was the last straw upon his injured genii and there- 
after he wore a crutch. 

Tom Kile was at St. Johnsbury, "brushing up," as he 
termed it. The climate seemed to agree with him. He sung. 
He attended the sewing circles. He grew fat. Yet Tom was 
not in his element. He missed Bobby. He didn't like to re- 
tire at ten o'clock. The fact was he couldn't get into a scrape 
and it make him homesick. 

It was discovered that the term ended by its storming the 
day we went home. If it didn't storm at the end of a term the 
boys wouldn't budge an inch. They would know that the Fac- 
ulty wanted a bender and were a few days ahead of time in 
closing up. Several did not leave town as the length of the 
vacation would not give them time to go home and return by 
the opening of the Spring term. King staid, but it was for 
the purpose of shaving. He said there couldn't be any 
fooling about that, it required time to take off such a 
growth. 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 



17 



Going down on the train the boys were singing " Vive la 
Captaine John." Spot sat immediately behind two Seniors. 
While his head and body swayed from side to side, and the 
mighty volume of sound was pouring from his vigorous lungs, 
one of the Seniors turned round to him and asked if he knew 
the words of the song* " Certainly, certainly," replied Spot. 
" Would you be so kind as to write them for me ? " asked the 
Senior. "Why, yes!" said Spot, "nothing would give me 
greater pleasure." And so borrowing a pencil and paper, and 
bracing himself against the seat, with a soul full of joy, he went 
to work. The Seniors winked mournfully at the lamps while 
Pete and the other fellows had business in the smoking-car. 
They returned with red eyes, in time to see Spot, with many a 
bow and smile, hand the verses to the Senior, who pocketed 
them with the touching remark, " sold again." 

Some were a few days late in returning, but all were here 
in time to see the fire. Some of the upper classmen went so 
far as to say that " those cussed Freshmen built it." In fact, 
the next day, Clough told Strout and Fritz that he wanted 
them to pay for the oil barrels they took. 

Brown was the last man back. He had been to Boston 
visiting. He hasja few pictures of some ladies, whose acquaint- 
ance he formed while there, which he will dispose of at a bar- 
gain. 

"TILDEN FEMALE SEMINARY." 

Hiram Oecutt, A. M., Principal. 

West Lebanon, April 26, 1 877. 

Mr. : 

You say in your letter, just received, that you shall daily 
expect a letter from Tilden. I will not keep you waiting. It 
is a matter of surprise for a lady to receive a letter from an ut- 
ter stranger without an introduction, and especially under cir- 
cumstances which compel him to send his letter through a dis- 
tant city — to avoid suspicion. It is a matter of surprise that a 
young man, seeking the confidence and correspondence of a 
young lady, will furnish the evidence of his own falseness and 
treachery and use it as a passport. You confess that you knew 
the regulations of this Seminary as to the matter of cor- 



18 FRESHMAN HISTORY. 

respondence and yet make an effort to induce the pupils 

to violate them. If not, why send your letter to to 

be mailed, and counterfeit the superscription ? You show 
your contempt of College laws by your proposition " to cut 
church here and walk down to West Leb.," and your want 
of principle by your proposition to attend this church for 
the purpose of attracting the attention of our young ladies to 
your " black suit and stiff hat, between the other two in height," 
whose "handkerchief the brick building has often seen." You 
must suppose the young lady you address is altogether like 
yourself if you expect the picture you draw of your own char- 
acter is to secure her favor and cooperation in your impudence 
and treachery. You ask, "Does the Principal allow callers?" 
I answer, never any of your class of young men. Parents do 
not care to have their daughters introduced to such company. 

Yours, etc., 

Hiram Orcutt." 

It seems that 'Sing took a name at random from the Til- 
den Catalogue, and wrote a letter to the owner of the name. 

By way of precaution he sent the letter to to have it 

mailed. Subsequent events have shown that the young lady 
felt rather insulted at receiving such a letter and consequently 
gave it to Mr. Orcutt. The above letter was his reply. Sing 
strolls no more about the shady streets of West Lebanon. 

The warm spring weather began to revive Gaines' stones 
about Nova Scotia and the whale, " Which, by George ! I walked 
right into and brought away four of his seives. That was a 
whale, by George, sir ! " 

The Dorbugs began to appear and for fear of them Crazy 
went to bed before dark, every night. The bugs and Quarters 
led Crazy a sad life. The latter ate all the jam and cake from 
the table so he had to complain to the landlady, while the form- 
er haunted him closer than Spot does Pete. 

Ripley missed the long winter evenings, in which he could 
make such nice calls and get such quantities of candy. The 
young lady on whom he called said she thought " Freddy was 
a real pretty boy." 

As soon as the weather became fairly settled Sooner made 
up a weekly programme, which he strictly adhered to the re- 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 19 

mainder of the term : " Sunday eve. ; Go to church and go home 
with Kitty. Monday eve. ; Pick Kitty up, according to ap- 
pointment, near Conant Hall, and walk three times round the 
Park with her. Tuesday eve. ; Pick Kitty up by South Hall. 
Wednesday eve. ; Meet Kitty with the Quarter and call her one 
side and cuss her. Thursday eve. ; See the Quarter take Kitty 
and Fanny to ride. Friday eve. ; Accidentally(?) meet Kitty 
and partially make up with her. Saturday eve. ; Meet Kitty 
by appointment and become wholly reconciled. Sunday eve. ; 
Ditto, as last week. This " falling out and making up " was 
awful wearing on Sooner's nervous system, but by dieting for 
Base Ball, he managed to pull through. He says he is going to 
have a good rest from his studies(?) this summer. 

Charles the Swift rambled round the Park one night. It 
was the first and last time, for his companion said she didn't 
like to be with a "drunken fellow." 

During sugaring time, some of the boys went over to see 
Dutton. He told them that he couldn't " sell them any sugar 
because there wasn't anything to weigh it with, and he couldn't 
give them any for his father was away so he couldn't consult 
with him about it." Dutton wondered why the boys left so 
sudden, and asked them to come again. 

After a week's bracing up Jake tipped his hat, one night, 
to a certain young lady of Hanover. She replied with a bow 
and smile, which so flustered him that a walk of two miles 
scarce cooled him off. The same evening, passing by the Par- 
ish school-house, he spied a light within, and, knowing the 
fair-one-with-the-smile frequented that building, he entered. 
She was there, and a few other members of the choir. The 
smallness of the gathering rather took Jake back, but, thinking 
he would see the thing out, he took a seat. After listening one 
hour to the celestial strains, with no one to share them with 
him, our member from St. J. concluded it was about time to 
absent himself from that, but in turning about he was confront- 
ed by three doors, and which was the door he knew not. There 
was no time for deliberation, so he tried the right-hand door, 
and as it slammed behind his back the music ceased. Jake 
found himself in a hat-closet. He came out the same way he 
entered, while the choir tittered and waited further action on 



20 FBESHMAN HISTORY. 

his part. The left-hand door soon obscured Jake's noble yet 
blushing countenance — he was worse off than before, for this 
was a wood-closet. As he came once more into the room the 
choir got down on the floor and rolled over itself and howled. 
With indignation flashing from his clear, black eye, he shot 
through that middle door so his coat-tails were heard to snap in 
the street. Jake says, "By gad, you know! I want to be eter- 
nally blasted if ever -Z"go near the Episcopals again." 

During this term Kib wasted away so much that he had to 
go twice in a place to cast a shadow. Whether hard study or 
training was paring him down, was not known till the follow- 
ing was found over the head of his bed : 



" STUDY PROGRAMME." 

A. M. 7:50. Breakfast. 

" 7:50. Chapel. 

" 8 to 9. Flunk. 

" 9 to 11. Continual prayer against Flunks in Trig. 

" 11 to 12. Flunk in Mathematics. 

M. 12 to 12:30. Cuss inwardly. 

P. M. 12:30 to 1. Cuss and dine on roast beef. 

" 1 to 2. Imprecate Mathematics. 

" 2 to 3. Cuss Charlie and Quibe. 

" 3 to 4. Encore. 

" 4 to 5. Resigned to grease the 2d Fiddle Bow and 

not aspire to Quibe's high calling in Math- 
ematics. 

" 5 to 6. Grand closing Flunk" 

For four weeks Johnny listened to our version of English 
History. A few, like Hammy and Abbott, wrote(?) their parts 
during vacation. The rest stood round chewing lead pencils 
and snying bad words, till each man's agony was over. John- 
ny said lie had been much pleased with the Themes, and espe- 
cially with the order, which had been the best for several years. 
The latter part of his remarks rather tickled some, till they 
learned he always closed with those words. 

The second match game of foot ball with '79 took place 
the 2d of May. The weather was more favorable than in the 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 21 

Fall, but the result of the game was the same. A lack of inter- 
est, more than anything else, lost the game for '80. If the class 
only possessed Johnson's executive ability nothing in Hanover 
could withstand it. Johns' had five men under his absolute 
control and where that battalion was not there the battle waned. 
His orders came as fast as snow-flakes, and were as contradic- 
tory as the winds on a blustering day in January. Some are 
born to rule, and we are firmly convinced that Johnson is such 
an one. Even Pike, who never expresses an opinion till he has 
revolved it in his mighty mind for two days, says he thinks the 
same way, 

French met with an accident one Sunday night. The acci- 
dent was embodied in a pole-cat. French thought it was a dog 
and kicked it. The result of that unkind kick was instantly 
manifest. His paternal wondered why Warren wanted a new 
suit of clothes so soon. Hazen camped out in the back-yard 
several nights. 

Base Ball now supplanted foot ball. The class formed, an 
association with Billy Moore as President. The nine were se- 
lected from the best players in the class and Sutcliffe was chos- 
en Captain. The first match game took place the 5th of May, 
with the Ramo-uffians of Lebanon. The B. B. C. of '80 achiev- 
ed what could be termed an inglorious conquest. On the 17th 
they went to St. Johnsbury, and suffered an inglorious defeat. 
Some are inclined to lay it to the Dutchman's pitching. The 
blame really be-longs to the aforesaid some, who were so anx- 
ious to go, although they were aware they could not reach St. 
J. in time for a good game before dark. They said the ground 
closely resembled the Connecticut river banks. 

The Dramatic element of the class gave an entertainment 
the 22d for the benefit of the B. B. C. It was very successful — 
more so than 79 expected, for they did not have enough mock 
programmes to supply the audience. 

The 9th of June the St. J. boys came to Hanover intend- 
ing to score an overwhelming victory against the Freshmen 
club. There was a victory, but it was most decidedly against 
St. Johnsbury. The 16th the club went to Claremont and were 
defeated — as usual when they seek glory outside of Hanover. 
This was the last game of the term. Sut's hands were well 



22 FRESHMAN HISTORY. 

nigh used up. He said he was bound to see it out or get laid 
up, and he did both. 

Had the final examination in Greek Prose the 29th of May, 
and in Tommy's Funeral Oration let it be said that the exami- 
nation took place in the chapel — and ignorant indeed is he who 
cannot pass anything in that room of blessed memory. Ham- 
ray and Abbott were inseparable, as usual before every exami- 
nation. Jockey said he had been studying so hard during the 
year that he must have some recreation this term. He had a 
programme the way Sooner did. " Go to the Shakers Monday. 
Shakers, Tuesday. Meadow Brook, Wednesday. Shakers, 
Thursday. Friday devoted to Mathematics and sickness. Sat- 
urday, recruit from week's study. Sunday, Shakers." 

Spring 1st is behind the bat and the crowd is pushing itself 
between him and the third base. With that " Geo. Washing- 
ton " wave of the hand he impressively remarks, " Gentlemen, 
please step back, you intercept my vision." Bobby says, " that's 
a good word," and goes and hunts it up in his " Unabridged." 

At the Spring Athletics Kib walked, Fritz jumped, Tom 
dashed, Cogswell and Pete run, while the rest of the class, who 
weren't aids or judges, looked on. All untrained and unknown, 
Pete entered the arena, but he left it with the reputation of be- 
ing able to make the best runner in College. 

After climbing greased poles, dancing on hot gridirons, 
riding goats, being tarred and feathered, run out of fourth story 
windows into tanks of hot water, rubbed down with sand-paper, 
placed in. barrels and rolled down stairs, tossed in blankets, and 
gorged with "swell" suppers, we were society men in feelings, 
actions, words and deeds. 

" Grand Farce, in nine acts, by the Freshman Class. 
The closing labor(?) of the year, or, The U. S. Coast Survey in 
Hanover." 

Space forbids giving more than a brief review of the " Old 
roaring, button-hole destroying piece of acting," as .the daily 
papers spoke of it. In the first scene Hayward is represented 
plodding his way round the Park with the needle clamped tight 
in the compass, and wanting to know "Who in thunder is 
round the instrument with keys and things in their pockets 
which attract the darned thing so much." It goes on to show 



CLASS OP EIGHTY. 23 

that he got half way round the Park before discovering his mis- 
take. In another scene Furman loses his spider-lines and 
swears at the Sophomores for stealing them. He sends round 
to the other division to learn if they know anything about them. 
At last he goes to Quibe with his trouble. Quibe applies his 
eye to the bunghole and turning a little screw remarks, " Ah ! 
Mr. Furman, I see them now, right there in the road." Fur- 
man starts out to find them, but Quibe calls him back and ex- 
plains how a spider is placed within a telescope and, having 
spun what thread is needed, is removed. And so the curtain 
goes up and down till the closing tableau is reached. This rep- 
resents the class standing round a few men and receiving from 
their ink-stained hands bundles of papers, on each of which can 
be traced the word " Plots." 

Mitchell discovered something in the instrument room 
which seemed to excite his curiosity. He tended to it strictly. 
He was there before breakfast* He was there, or with some of 
the instruments, the rest of the forenoon. Immediately after 
dinner he called on Quibe for the key. The five o'clock recita- 
tion found him still " holding the fort." The evening was spent 
in taking the angle, contours, area, volume and altitude of his 
own room, and its distance from Quibe's, by secondary angles, 
whose base line was in the instrument room. He so far forgot 
himself as to be affable and say " Professor Quimby." He sank 
still lower aud grew intimate with '• Professor." Where Mitch- 
ell was not it was useless to look for Quibe. This mysterious 
conduct naturally made the boys anxious, but Mrs. Minnie says 
George was subject to such attacks and she thought the vaca- 
tion would cure him. 

Had a class-meeting the 19th of June, and choose Flint, 
President ; Johnson, Secretary ; Fellows, Treasurer. 

The last of the term Fritz and Tom got in the habit of go- 
ing over to Woodstock to attend " Entertainments," so they 
said, Temperance Reform meetings and the like. Their stories 
washed till the " Entertainments " came to Hanover one 
Wednesday, in a two-seated carriage. The visit was as unex- 
pected as it was delightful, and the time the boys consumed in 
mounting their Sunday clothes was remarkably short. They 
summoned (?) several Juniors to their aid, and thus reinforced, 



24 FRESHMAN HISTORY. 

made a very thorough survey of Dartmouth. Johns' felt justi- 
fied in dressing up, for the reason that he had honored Wood- 
stock with a visit a few weeks before. 

Jake and Balaam had their hands full to look after the 
Freshman Medic. Bloody learned the road to the " Farm," and 
traveled it quite often. He didn't do it for nothing, for he al- 
ways carried home a big basket of " Crumbs swept from the rich 
man's table," i. e., the man rich in daughters. Jake would come 
in at eleven o'clock and was very careful to lock the door be- 
fore retiring. Bloody would turn up about twelve, and then 
night was melodious, for twenty minutes, with his cries for 
Jake and Balaam. At last one of them would wake up(?) and 
let him in. While he would be " talking " with them for sleep- 
ing so sound, Jake would tenderly secret his basket in the clos- 
et, — Jake's strong point is secreting food. The next morning 
Bloody would sleep till nine o'clock, with the satisfaction of 
knowing that his breakfast was within reach. But Jake and 
Balaam had done the fell work and the basket literally con- 
tained crumbs. Then Bloody would tear his hair and lay for 
his enemies all day, but they never turned up till long after the 
Doctor was sleeping the sleep of the blessed, the next night. 

About half the class staid during Commencement. Mor- 
ton said he was going to remain in Hanover till the following 
Monday. He was noticed with an incumbrance on his arm 
nearly all the week, so it was concluded that he would not be 
left alone, " With none to love, none to caress." 

About ten o'clock A. M., Friday, June 29th, Cheesus was 
seen in the Concord depot, anxiously inquiring if the New 
Hampton train had arrived. Connumdrum. " Why should 
Cheesus be so anxious about the New Hampton train, and why 
did he go up there the first of last Winter term ? " 

Statistics. — 59 names were catalogued. During the year 
4 left and 2 others entered, making 57 at the end of the Spring 
term. The class is 1066 yrs., 4 mos., and 10 days old. The 
average age is 18 yrs., 8 mos., and 5 days. The oldest is 26 
years. The youngest is 16 yrs., 2 mos. The aggregate weight 
is 8263 lbs. The average weight is 144 lbs., 15^ oz. The heav- 
iest weighs 180 lbs., and the lightest 115 lbs. The class stands, 
in its stockings, 328 ft. and 8 ins. The average height is 5 ft., 



CLASS OF EIGHTY. 25 

8 ins. The tallest being 6 ft., 2^ in., and the shortest 5 ft., 2 in. 
Ham wears No. 11 boots, while Jones sports No. 3. The three 
extremes of the class are held by Jones, Kyle and Pierce, they 
beiag respectively the smallest, largest, and tallest. New 
Hampshire is the home of 24; Massachusetts claims 9; 12 till 
the soil of Vermont ; 6 feel proud because they are from New 
York; Pennsylvania honors the class with 2, as also does 
Maine ; the cotton fields of Alabama, the golden shores of Cal- 
ifornia, and the tawny cannucks of Canada, each send one. 20 
can smoke tobacco without being sick. 10 use it habitually. 
Whiskey is unknown to the class, and beer scarce finds in it a 
resting place. The class has 175 lady correspondents. It loves 
100. Some, like Balaam, have nothing to do with women. But 
the average is kept up by others, like Jake, looking after the 
welfare of five at a time. Of these 175, only 39 were acquaint- 
ed with the class at the beginning of Freshman year. Spot 
Danforth, alone, possesses a full beard. 6 wear " siders," and 6 
a "tash." The nicknames are, "Antiquarian, Antediluvian, 
Balaam, Billy, Boss, Cheesus, Charles, Cheesley, Capt., Cra- 
zy, Dexter, Dutchman, Fritz, Fredrick, Gutsey, Hexameter, 
Jake, Jockey, Johns', Jack, Kib, Mose, Nibs, O'Stacy, Pluto, 
Skipper, Sing, Small Henry, Sam, Skinny, Smithy, Sooner, 
Strout and Tom. The class leader during the year has been 
Smith 2d. He has fully merited the position, and has earned it 
not by chinning but by hard labor on his own part. He has the 
best wishes of the class that he maintain it the coming three 
years. 

The materials for our Freshman History have been excel- 
lent and sorry am I that they could not be put in a more at- 
tractive form. I possess not the poetry of Furman, the wit of 
Strout, the Latin and Greek of Hayward, or the profundity of 
thought of Pike, with which to garnish the story It is a rude 
and untarnished account of our wanderings while " Green as 
Grass." Let each one remember, who laughs at the bulls of an- 
other, and feels wise in his own conceit, the old saw: 

" Of fools the world hath such a store, 

That he who would not see an ass, 
Must bide at home and bolt his door, 

And break his looking-glass." 



SOPHOMORE HISTORY 



OF THE 



f> 



DARTMOUTH COLLEGE. . 



C. H. STROUT, Historian. 



PUBLISHED B-S2" THE CLASS, 
I878. 



DEDICATED 
TO 

"THE HERO." 



SOPHOMORE HISTORY. 



To write a worthy record of such a class as '80, and 
of a year like the past, would be possible only to a pen 
far abler than mine ; to enter into contest in humor or 
in logic with my predecessor, or he who is to follow 
me, is useless. I offer you, without wit or wisdom, the 
plain, unvarnished tale. To my successor I leave the 
wit, to him the task of exalting the class to its proper 
place. 

As some one has said, a story is not a story without a 
hero. So my tale must have its hero. To whom among 
so many eligible candidates shall I give the honor? My 
thoughts turn towards Skipper. His flashing eye, his 
manly beard, the reward of patient hope and much 
lather, point out in him a youthful Alonzo. But alas ! 
who would accuse Skipper of having anything to do 
with the girls? And we can't have an Alonzo without 
a Melissa. Dustan might have the honor, but greedy 
boys must be punished, and Hayward will tell you how 
Dana acted about the peanuts at the Swett Club. I 
thought of Willie Pierce, but, with him for a hero, my 
story would be too long. I pass by Sam and Jesse 
Twiss. Their morals are their only objection, however. 
But I have it. You, Freddy, shall go down to posterity 
as the u^Eneas of this narrative. Because you have 
loved numerously, and have left Didos round about pro- 



(6 ) 

miscuously ; because you can love in North Easton, 
California, Concord, Worcester, Hanover and West Leb- 
anon at the same time, without affecting at all your ap- 
petite ; because you can smoke a mild cigarette, mostly 
paper, without being very sick ; because, among us all, 
you have stood pre-eminent in your curly locks and 
siders ; for all these reasons do I give you the honor. 

My heroine is numerous, and hails mostly from Con- 
cord, with a few scattering. 

Almost the first event on record in the life of our hero 
is that he was born — of poor but honest parents, on the 
classic banks of Shovel-shop pond. Rut little is known 
of his life before entering college. It is stated on some- 
what doubtful authority that at some remote period he 
attended Sunday-school. However, such errors and 
indiscretions of his youth his after life has amply atoned 
for. We pass over his record as a Freshman, for he 
couldn't smoke then, and didn't know Jennie. 

The last of August, '77, we find him in Worcester. 
The man in the moon looks down upon them as they 
walk to and fro in her back-yard. He tells her how he 
won a leather medal for constant attendance at Sunday- 
school — but you have all heard of that ; how pure and 
upright are his morals — perhaps you have never heard 
of that. Then, as the light of the moon waxed softer 
and more tender, Freddy waxed softer and more ten- 
der. He gave her his society-pin and all his loose jewel- 
ry. He swore he would be true. He smacked his lips, 
and then he — but Stacy can tell you what is customary 
in Thetford on such occasions. I don't know anything 
about such things. He came back to Hanover tired 
but happy. He did not correspond any longer with 
California, but left her to Tom Flint, and devoted him- 
self exclusively to Worcester, until some one was hard- 
hearted enough to let him know that she had been en- 



( 7 ) 

gaged for a year. Ah, Freddy, she was fooling thee. 

Danforth peddled patent window-fasteners until a 
Barrington woman asked him " if his mother knew he 
was out." He has concluded to give up the business 
until he grows a little. 

Sooner came back with his spent energies somewhat 
recruited, firmly resolved never to see Kitty again. 
Since then Black-and-Tan divides her attention between 
Pike and his chum Dustan. She says they are neither 
of them so satisfactory as Clarence, or the gentleman 
from Wilkesbarre, but then she usually takes things as 
they come, and they do very well. 

King shaved at odd jobs during the summer. Twiss 
carried home his blue shirt to have it washed, but his 
folks thought it would be better to wait a year and have 
it done in the middle of the course. And last, but not 
least, Charles himself took a bath. His chum would 
have followed his example, but he thought it best to 
wait, and clean himself before going West. Besides, 
water is not much used in Sandwich anyway, not even 
as a beverage. 

I might tell you of Jake and the kitchen-maid at the 
Fabyan, of Stacey's amorous capers at Thetford, but 
Roberts is present, and my regard for his modesty bids 
me be still. 

What happened to the other members of the class 
during the vacation, I dinna ken. 

The beginning of the term found some changes in 
'80. The sirens of Putney had robbed us of Bil]y 
Moore. Meloon had gone to Tufts, a college founded 
in the faith of his fathers, and Gilmore had come to 
take his place in Willie's affections. By the way, you 
want to ask Barrett about Smith and Meloon's robe-de- 
nuit. It was Gilmore who said, when Furman told him 
he heard he was coming into '80, " I can't this year, 



( 8 ) 

for 1 have already engaged rooms at Dr. Newton's. " 
Armitage had come to us from 79. and ere the term 
was finished Garrettson, just arrived at Sophomore dig- 
nity after a struggle of two years, was torn from our 
arms. Sturdivant came, and the ^. K. E. trio was im- 
mediately formed. Before this Roberts and ClufT had 
formed a Society for the Mutual Admiration of each 
other's Musical Abilities. This now received a valuable 
addition, and the three have tried to raise the class to 
an appreciation of their talents. But they can not do 
it, All the appreciation Rob. ever could get out of 
Sam was, " Damn such howling." Mitchell tells a 
story that comes back a little on Sturdivant. He met 
him soon after he came, and asked him if he had 
pledged. Sturdivant replied, " No, but I am very fav- 
orabty impressed with A, a. $. I like the men very 
much, particularly Parkhurst and Kibling of our own 
class." We can imagine the pleased smile Mitchell's 
mouth takes on under that mustache dying away at the 
mention of those two names. 

Sept. 7. Box Brown was at the Holy Barn. Spring I 
was there, and everybody else. I need not enlarge 
upon the performer's abilities. They spoke for them- 
selves. What came afterwards was of more impor- 
tance. For eight long days '80, pledged not to molest 
the Freshmen, had been spoiling for a row. Blame not 
the students. Rather let } T our wrathful benedictions fall 
upon the head of the wizard Brown who, by his mystic 
spells, had put the Devil in them. The Freshmen were 
inviolable. What then? " Put out the gas ! Put out 
the gas ! " arose from the students as they rushed from 
the building. But the townies loved that little street- 
light, and if it was put out, he who did it should wade 
through blood, and climb a heap of fallen bodies. So 
at it they went, students of every class, dirties young 



(9) 

and dirties old. It was town and gown with a ven- 
geance. Fierce and long the contest waged, students 
led on by Parkhurst, townies backed up by Benton. 
At last Fritz, our valiant Fritz, at one fell swoop did 
the business. The light is out. Townies retreat pil- 
ing curses on " them students."' Students go their way 
with an exalted opinion of the Hanover police. 

According to the regular custom, the class challeng- 
ed the Freshmen to a match game of foot-ball, which 
came off Sept. 8. The match was for the best four out 
of seven games, which '80 won in 22, 1-2, 5, and 2 1-2 
minutes respectively. 

The studies for this term were Analit and Calculus, 
under Prof- Quinby, French with Prof, Pollens, and 
Greek and Latin with Proctor and Parker. The 
following dialogue took place on review in Mathemat- 
ics : 

Quibe. " Smith, what locates a point in a curve?" 

Smith III. "Put the second differential coefficient 
equal to zero." 

This answer embraced the sum total of Smith's 
knowledge on the subject, and was made to do service 
on all occasions, something like his story about " Wil- 
liam." We all passed in Calculus, thanks to the fates. 
Qj.iibe took it all in, but it was almost too much for 
even him to swallow when Sam Perry handed in a per- 
fect paper. No doubt the bulls in Horace and the Me- 
dea were many, but they have slipped from mind. 
Mitchell won the heart of the French professor, and in- 
sured himself a good mark in Mathematics by that 
aquarium of his. But it doesn't behoove me to say much, 
although I never perceived any manifest good in that line 
to come from the aquarium business. It used to be fun 
to see Mitchell and Hay ward watch those newts. Hay- 
ward told Mitchell one day in confidence that he wish- 



( io ) 

ed he was a newt. During the spring Mitchell fell so 
far as to get intimate with Jesup and go bugging with 
him. Smith says Auntie teased him to give up Mitch- 
ell, and let him room with him. 

The class didn't deal quite so extensively in poultry 
this fall, as last. Billy May was not, and Jack and 
Bobby were on their good behavior. But the wicked 
one was not without a tool. Johnny, with his hungry 
stomach to back him, was free to wander at will among 
the turkey-roosts. No fowl was safe in its bed. I 
will a tale unfold. 'Tis midnight. The stars are 
shrouded in a vail of mist. A clouded canopy over- 
hangs the heavens. The very air breathes mischief, 
and the muttering clouds seem planning evil deeds. 
Anon four dark forms emerge from the shadow of 
Wentworth. One is tall and gaunt. Even his walk is 
a hungry one. Another follows stealthily as if on mis- 
chief bent. Then a third with a small boy tremblingly 
following at his side. But no. A sudden gleam of 
moonlight through the struggling clouds discloses in 
the small boy our valiant Spot, he who " kept Sparti- 
cus off." His face is pale, his knees tremble, but no 
wonder, for they are nearing the roost. With him is 
Pete, of course. The hungry form no one can mistake. 
The other is the member from New Market. This was 
not their first expedition, for Freshman year they made 
a raid from Pickwick on Mr. McCarty's hen-roost, and 
brought away a rooster that evidently took up its abode 
in Hanover somewhere about Eleazar Wheelock's time. 
They couldn't get their courage quite up to the turkey 
point until this year. Now, with daring born of past 
experience, they marched on. When they arrived at 
the scene of action somebody must be chosen to watch. 
Spot courageously volunteered. He didn't mean to 
stay alone, but wouldn't Pete stay, too? So Chummy 



( « ) 

and John crawled under, and soon emerged, each with 
a plump fowl folded tenderly to his breast. Their only 
desire was to get safe home with the booty. No 
thought had they for Pete and Spot, who waited around 
until about daylight, when Spot's increasing fear made 
it necessary for Pete to take him home. Spot said aft- 
erwards that if he had been a swearing man, he should 
have sworn when they got home and found the oth- 
er two lads sound asleep in bed. Pete, however, gave 
free vent to his feelings. If you don't believe all this, 
you should have seen the pile of bones in Jane's attic 
the next day ; you should have seen John carefully 
folded up on the lounge with the stomach-ache. 

It was one of these four, I leave it for you to say 
which, who took on a glass too much one night, and as 
he went somewhat unsteadily home, about twelve 
o'clock, met the doctor's fair daughter. Our friend 
greeted her with, " What in the devil are you out this 
time of night for?" It is justice to the lad to say that 
this was his first and last offence. 

Oct. 10 and 13. Fall meeting of the Athletic Asso- 
ciation, in which '80 more than held her own. It was 
rain Thursday that caused the postponement. The 
damp weather and disappointment rather demoralized 
the two under classes. The Freshmen thought of hav- 
ing a stag in Wentworth. But they changed their 
minds before the evening was over. Shirts were torn, 
eyes blacked, and the usual amount of damage done. 
Spot did the swearing for '80. Freshman Cook ran his 
face against Nile's foot, and cussed Jack for hitting him. 
As if he could be expected to keep those feet of his out of 
the way on all occasions. '81 worked hard, but before 
long retired at discretion, convinced that it wasn't best 
to try to have a stag in a Sophomore hall. Wentworth 
was a famous place during the year. Stacey was there 



( " ) 

with his horses. Likewise Chummy and Pete, and Spot, 
of a consequence, most of the time. Warner roomed 
there, too. Cap has grown hard since he got in with 
Stacey and Gaines and that crowd. There are other 
bold bad men, and many are the evil deeds those walls 
could tell of. It is enough to say of Thornton that 
Bobby, Nibs and Jack, with Dutchman for "spare man, 
abode there. I must pass slightingly over the deeds 
done in Stump Lane. It was here that Tom smoked, 
and Pluto swore. Herrick lived here with his fiddle, 
and Charles with his flute. We all remember that 
flute. It was here that Frank Smith wrote that oration, 
and Sut indited the tri-weekly letters West. We shall 
not forget in a long time the " Stump Lane Athletics," 
<; Hare and Hound," the Cribbage tournament, or the 
time we didn't go home until morning. 

It was one Monday morning, after Pike and Dutton 
had been off on one of their sprees, Prexie offered ten 
dollars to the one who would catch " the man that hoot- 
ed and made the night hideous." Ten dollars was a 
great temptation, but we loved those two boys. It was 
as good as a circus to see Pike in gymnastics swing 
those clubs. He wasn't contented unless he turned 
himself inside out three or four times, and whacked and 
banged himself black and blue, to say nothing of the 
other fellows within the radius of his club. 

When we came back from the Thanksgiving vacation 
we found Brown, Chesley, Foster, Kibling, Stacey and 
White had left us to teach during the winter. Stacey 
practiced boxing all the fall, for fear of big boys whom 
he couldn't lick, and then it was with fear and trem- 
bling that he entered the school-room for the first time. 
But we never heard of any trouble except that he was 
a little too free with some of the large girls. It was 
Brown who said that " Where he taught they were all 



( 13 ) 

girls, he had twenty-five classes, no two in the same class, 
each scholar took four studies, and he didn't get engaged.*' 

Jake was liked at first, for that smooth way of his com- 
pletely won the hearts of the good district mothers. 
But when he began to kiss the big girls on the sly, 
public opinion changed. You wouldn't suspect what a 
hardened old heart-cracker Jake is, but " still waters 
run deep,"' you know, and Jake is a bad man to put 
among a lot of pretty girls. Stacey should have 
thought of this when he helped him get the school in 
Vershire. As it was, Jake monopolized Stacey's girl 
all winter. Stacey found it out and now goes around 
muttering something about " nourishing a viper." The 
exploits of the other pedagogues I know not of. 

The base ball nine had worked hard during the fall, 
and had added a long list of victories with almost no 
defeats to its record. The Claremonts, Lebanons and 
Central Vermonts, the champions of Vermont, were 
obliged to give in to the boys. All this, besides much 
skillful playing at home. Bobby was in his element. 
Those lusty lungs and short legs did much active serv- 
ice. The Dutchman got the curve. 

According to The Dartmouth, " it took him pretty 
much in one direction, towards the farm." Now Rob- 
erts. When the " Disgraceful proceedings at Dart- 
mouth " made it necessary for Dutchy to take up his 
abode elsewhere, he carried his furniture to the farm, 
and told her to keep it until they needed it. It was not 
long after that they decided to go into partnership, so I 
imagine the furniture will come into play. Hayward 
was doing well over in Vermont, and Hallman wouldn't 
have got in ahead of him, if she hadn't gone and got an- 
other fellow. 

Now the nine went into training with the best of ma- 
terial and a brilliant prospect for the spring. The Uni- 



( 14 ) 

versity nine, a feeble creature of premature birth and 
short life, had been tenderly buried, and Bobby was 
ready to give his heart to his old love. He was given 
the training of the nine. He was happy, for he could 
boss and swear to his heart's content. Everything was 
lovely when a harsh edict of the faculty put an end to 
all hopes. It read something like this: "For partici- 
pation in the recent unseemly disturbances, Sophomores 
Hallman, Niles and Thayer are informed that their 
connection with the college will be discontinued until 
the beginning of the next college year." It was a fatal 
blow to the " Invincibles," too, for in Niles they lost the 
only man on the nine who could play. No disrespect 
to the rest, they meant well enough. 

June 21. y£gis editors elected. Furman, Danforth, 
Spring, Morton, Foster, Ham, Badger, Prescott and 
Savage were the victims. 

About this time our hero went to the Musical Con- 
vention. He took ClufF along to take the cuss off. 
Cluffie went to hear the music, Fred said he did. What 
a variety of synonyms there are for female. Ed. White 
called it exercise when he used to walk to Hartford 
once a week or oftener. Cogswell would stay in the 
kitchen with Mary until Mrs. Gould came out and sent 
them to bed. Then he would come down late to break- 
fast, and say he had been studying and getting his nine- 
ty-six dollars' worth. With Danforth, pra}-er-meeting 
was a synonym for the young lady on School street. 
Female in every case. Why can't they be as frank 
about it as Sut. is about the West. If I hadn't promised, 
I would tell you about Sut.'s capers with Grace, com- 
mencement week-. " O Mr. Sutcliffe, it is so lovely 
and moony. Let's walk slower, and do you mind 
squeezing me a little tighter?" But to come back to 
Fred and the music. The music stopped at the Eagle, 



( is ) 

so Fred stopped at the Eagle, and about the same pro- 
gramme was gone through with on the veranda of the 
hotel as in the back yard at Worcester. Only with 
Fred the disease seems to be worse with each succeed- 
ing attack. He came home happy with a blue-glass 
locket hanging from his watch chain, and minus the 
rest of his jewelry. The next day he wrote a letter to 
which he never £ot an answer, and when she came up 
to Commencement her smiles were only for Seniors. 
May it not be ever thus. About the other fellows who 
went to Concord (?) the least said the better. Out of 
the abundance of his experience Sam gave them direc- 
tions and advice which they evidently followed. 

Tom Flint went home with Will Smith for the Spring 
vacation. " It was the best time you ever went any- 
where," Tom said. " Pretty^ girls on every corner, and 
that cousin of Will's ! " But he says the Manchester 
people are " darned proud of those little one-horse 
street cars of theirs. Wanted to know if I'd seen any- 
thing like them. Wonder where they think I came 
from, anyway " Sam took Tom one evening to see the 
bears Manchester boys talk so much about ; but they did- 
n't frighten him a bit. Tom has lived so long in the wilds 
of California that he is used to all animals of that kind. 
There is another thing in Manchester vastly superior to 
all other things on the face of the footstool except those 
horse-cars, and that is the Manchester Cadet Organiza- 
tion. It had a ball. But I won't tell you anything 
about that ball. We heard nothing but glowing ac- 
counts of it for several weeks afterwards. SutclifFe 
didn't go. It would have been a good plan if the class 
had adopted Jonie's suggestion about that time to take 
up a subscription, and send the youth West. It was 
Jonie who asked who Precinct was, when he saw in The 
Dartmouth, ''Precinct offers Precinct Hall for sale." 



( -x6 ) 

Sut. is given to talking in his sleep. It was one night 
very soon after the Thanksgiving vacation. One of the 
boarders was coming up the back stairs, when Sut. was 
heard mumbling something like this : " Ain't you going 
to kiss me good-night before I go?" Smith says, 
44 Tom was the toniest fellow at the ball, and I looked 
immense in my twenty-three-inch breeches. They 
were the biggest breeches on the floor." Carrying 
around so much dry goods has almost as bad an effect 
on Will as the dorbugs last Spring. He wasted away 
so that Mose insists the dogs take him for a bone, when 
half a dozen follow him on his way down street. Some- 
body was saying Prof. Noyes didn't say much while he 
boarded at Mr. Smith's, but that he was quite talkative 
at Miss McMurphy's. One of the fellows remarked 
that it wasn't at all strange, for they had somebody at 
Miss McMurphy's who would make a dead man talk. 
Smith may remember to whom it was the young lady 
from Concord, when asked to dance, politely remarked, 
44 I'd much rather tell stories with Mr. Ripley." 

During the Spring term we finished the study of Ger- 
man, commenced under Prof. Ruggles' excellent in- 
struction. Cogswell gave himself away when he went 
to arguing with Ruggles about Bertha-von-Brunic in 
Wilhelm Tell. Parley wanted to know where he got 
his information, if he had been reading some criticism. 
Yes, he had been reading criticisms. A good many 
fellows use criticisms. Even Dustan, but tell it not, 
used to go down to Johnson and White's room to con- 
sult Harper — only to see if the horse was right, how- 
ever. They accuse Stacey. But the good man denies 
it. O Stacey ! Besides German we studied Greek and 
Latin. But let me put an interrogation point after the 
word studied. The run on the book-store for Bohn and 
Harper demands it. But the horse on Tacitus's Histo- 



( i7 ) 

ries was so free that Nibs used a translation of the An- 
nels for a week without finding out the difference. But 
when I speak of him and Dustan I mention no exceptions. 
They all did it — except Pluto. He resolved to give up 
the " ways that are dark" and to emulate Pierce. He 
sold his horse, emptied his pockets of cribs, and went 
to work. He looked at his Greek and couldn't read a 
word of it — he swore. He couldn't find his lexicon — 
then he swore. Before he finds the word he wants, 
bushels and bushels of profanity have been wasted. 
When he has out half a dozen lines, he sees Charles 
with his horse laid carefully away, feet out of the win- 
dow, reading Decameron, following out his ninety-six 
dollar's worth plan, — then he swears awfully. At last 
the lesson is finished, and the room blue with profanity. 
He gives one final cuss, and starts for recitation. He 
flunks, and goes home followed by a long blue streak 
of sulphur. He kept this up for two days, and then 
bought his horse back again. It was the only safe 
course, he said, for where would he go to when he died 
if he kept on in that way. 

It was in Tacitus that Sam asked Parker to explain 
the expression, " Proximo, par s -pectoris ." Charles 
Cogswell, when Quibe asked him in Mechanics where 
the center of gravity of a sphere was, volunteered the 
information that it was somewhere within the sphere. 
We copy the following from The Dartmouth : 

" Scene. — Sophomores patiently undergoing the tor- 
ture of a recitation in Roman History. Prof, asks, 
* How did Curtius come to his end? ' Spring II. looks 
amazed at the question, hesitates, scratches his head, 
looks at Prof, inquiringly, and seeing nothing there but 
a look of calm endurance, stammers out, " I believed he 
died, Professor.' " And let me repeat this also from the 
Dartmouth: "It may be true that music hath charms 



( i8 ) 

to soothe the savage breast, but we should like to see the 
aborigine who would face our chapel music for more 
than five seconds without a great longing to scalp the 
choir. Somebody ought to restrain that young man 
whose musical aspirations carry him way up out of 
sight to the great detriment of the other singers (?). 
He'll tumble some day andget hurt." 

Somehow we didn't like Mechanics very much. 
Rob advanced several cents in Quibe's estimation by 
buying a new edition. It is painful to think what that old 
edition had to suffer. Those who, like Nibs, had only 
a " general knowledge of the subject," made it a scape- 
goat for all their flunks and ignorance. The few who 
studied it " thought sware words." Quibe asked Bob- 
by one day for a definition of Mechanics. Bobby, with 
all the cheek that characterizes our base-ball captain, 
remarked, " I think, Professor, that must be in the new 
edition." 

We had themes, also, during the term, with Prof. 
Sanborn. The class was more than satisfied with his 
instruction. It was a rather poor time for themes, for 
by some mysterious accident almost everybody had 
colds. All those who, like Sam, had resource to ency- 
clopedias, cribbed their themes during vacation. About 
the only merit in some seemed to lie in the inevitable 
little verse, not original of course, we all ended up 
with. A few of the class got so they felt able to extem- 
porize. Hiram Diogenes was one of these. He got on 
well enough for the first three sentences, for Bully 
would stop him at the' end of each to correct him, so he 
had time to think of what to say next. But at the end 
of the fourth, Bully let him go on. He got as far as em- 
piricism antagonistic to transcendentalism and — flunked. 

May 15 and 16 came the Spring athletics. '80 out- 



( 19 ) 

did itself, winning sixteen first and eight second prizes 
in the twenty-four contests. 

It was about this time that the measles commenced 
their raid upon the class. Johnson was the first victim. 
King, Pike and Stacey followed. Dustan had had 'em, 
but he heard handsome folks had them twice, and was 
in mortal dread. Will Pierce didn't want to be taken 
because he could only have them half way down at 
once, and he couldn't spend time from Mechanics for a 
double dose. But the victims to measles by no means 
complete the sick list of the class. Morton suffered 
considerably during the year, and was obliged to be 
much under Mother Swett's tender care. The ride to 
White River and back was apt to give Tom and Pluto 
a splitting headache next day. And right here let me 
tell you what made our hero sick last Spring. He tried 
to smoke a cigar. Tom smoked cigars, so Fred wanted 
to. But it didn't make Tom very sick. It did Fred, 
awfully. You know Tom's ambition has been to raise 
a " tash " and to be able to smoke a strong cigar 
before he went home. He got on well with the cigar ; 
but the tash ! It was a more miserable failure than 
Roberts' or even the unoffending down on 3-our histo- 
rian's lip. It takes the General or Skipper to raise a 
good respectable apology for a moustache. And while 
I am speaking of Arthur, I will tell you how the youth 
has fallen from his high estate. He is the last man in 
the class you would dream of falling a dupe to female 
wiles. After the trust the class had put in his virtue, 
after he had seen his brother led on the downward 
road, our George Washington, on the sixteenth day of 
May, in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and sev- 
enty-eight, was seen walking in the direction of Stump 
Lane, with his arm — horrible to relate — close around the 
waist of a female who answers to the name of Mary. 



( 20 ) 

Well were it for '80 if this Mary had never left her na- 
tive Windsor. Her victims have been many. Cogs- 
well, that once innocent youth, and Pluto, though he 
denies it, and a long list of once honorable names. 
Nibs, too, took to rambling about the park with " Bos- 
ton." She took him when she couldn't get anybody 
else. One night he went to seek her, and found her 
with a Freshman. He took her one side to reason with 
her. She didn't reason worth a cent. "You wouldn't 
take a Freshman when you could get a Sophomore," 
he argued. " Sure a good-looking Freshman is better 
than a homely Sophomore, any day, so don't come fool- 
ing around here." Nibs don't ramble any more. 

May 22. The second match game of foot-ball with 
'81 took place. There was little excitement, and 
though '81 worked hard, '80 won an easy victory in 
three straight games. Time of match half an hour, in- 
cluding all stops. 

During the term Barrett, Dickey and King went to 
Claremont. You know these three men. Of Hiram 
little need be said. Verily, a youth without reproach. 
On the brow of this embryo Carrigan modesty sits, lack 
of egotism is on his right hand, and reserve on his left. 
His paths are paths of meekness and self-reproach. 
He corresponds for the Boston Globe, and advertises a 
prominent Massachusetts cuff-factory. He has a cous- 
in in Blaisdell's Orchestra, and says he is related to 
Lawrence Barrett, the tragedian. But Dickey and 
King, two very bad men are they. Talk about your 
parsons and meeting-houses, and all things solemn and 
pious and sanctimonious, and then trot out Dickey, 
more solemn and pious and sanctimonious than all. 
But he is a whited sepulchre. And King, the worst of 
the three. Clad in stand-up collars, the three set forth, 
one-third on business, two-thirds on love intent. Anon, 



( 21 ) 

or about that time, they came to Claremont, and King 
went to the hotel to get accommodations for the party. 
The landlord said they were all full. But when Dick- 
ey went he took him in directly. He said afterwards 
he thought King must be a tramp. Directly after din- 
ner Dickey went to see one of his girls. He stayed all 
the afternoon, and then came back and hired a team 
and went to see another one out in the suburbs. Dick- 
ey's heart is so tender — not legal-tender — that he can 
look after the welfare, spiritual and otherwise, of about 
as much female as even Jake himself. 

4fc nee dulces amores spume, puer," 

About dusk Barrett missed King and went in search 
of him. Presently, or soon after, he found him walking 
with his arm close around the waist of one of the hotel- 
maids, breathing soft nothings into her ear. No one 
knows what might have happened to that innocent 
maid. What might have been the result of that tender 
meeting, time alone could have told, if Barrett had not 
by dint of persuasion drawn the wanton youth away. 
" Ach, Sammy, Sammy, die fremde, falsche Welt ist 
nichtfur dich." Hiram goes free because he followed the 
example of several other eminent men and turned State's 
evidence. And besides, he says he went on business. 
Query : Was it business when he used to go down every 
Saturday Freshman Spring to stay over until Monday, 
and write letters every other day meantime? It was 
business pater- familias didn't approve of, anyway, for 
when he knew of it he wrote to Hiram and told him not 
to go to Claremont again during the term. Hiram is 
another man to be added to the long list of heart-smash- 
ers the class furnishes. 

The phonograph came. We all paid a quarter to see 
the animal, and came away amply disappointed. It was 
some fun though. Particularly when Mose asked the 



( 22 ) 

man if he invented it. Several of the lads tried singing 
to it. It didn't return the compliment worth a cent. 
Sam tried to entertain it with " Saulsbury Girl," and by 
some nrysterious accident had Parley for an auditor. 
Sam's boarding mistress says she didn't go to church 
last spring, for she didn't dare to leave Mr. Perry alone 
at breakfast with the maid. It all comes of " Mr. Per- 
ry's wicked black eyes." It has occasioned some of 
Sam's friends considerable anxiety to find out what 
Rob. meant by what he said about Sam's expenses at 
the Centennial. Sam says by actual count Rob. has 
resolved to turn over a new leaf fifty-seven times dur- 
ing the year. However, at last accounts, he was as 
bad as ever. Sam too, talks in his sleep. One night 
after he didn't get the regular letter, Roberts heard him 
say in his sleep, " Well, she'll write me a bushel of 
postal-cards anyway. 

June 19th the class awarded Junior honors. Ham- 
mie's claims to the spoon were good, but there was 
rivalry. John didn't dine at Servace's at half-past 
twelve and eat all he could and then come to Mrs. 
Gould's at one o'clock and go through as much more. 
But Ripley did. John is not one of these peculiarly or- 
ganized individuals, something like an ostrich, who can 
eat anything any time. But Ripley is. He can eat 
oftener and more than even " the fat quarter," and then 
be hungry. Hungry ! Was there ever a time w T hen he 
wasn't hungry? So our hero got the spoon, John said 
it was hard on a fellow to have a big mouth and a long- 
ing stomach, to be called a " patent, six-horse power, 
double back-action, self-regulating grub-machine," and 
then not get any of the honor. 

Dustan got the knife. Roberts and Skipper were 
also candidates. But through Hayward's influence 
Dustan was elected. Dana immediately wrote to that 



( 2 3 ) 

young lady in Manchester, telling her that the class 
had given him a prize for being the best-looking mar. 
Somehow I don't think she loves Dana much, for she 
asked Tom Flint if he knew Dustan, " a great over- 
grown baby, you know." There is another little story 
about Dustan. It was early in the year, and Dana, 
with a realizing sense of his sophomoric importance, in- 
formed Odlin, '81, in a discussion at the club that he was 
nothing but a Freshman, that his opinion wasn't worth 
anything. That was too much for Freshie. He clutch- 
ed Dustan by the collar, w r altzed him towards the door, 
and planting his foot on that portion of his frame which 
nature intended to be kicked, landed him in the middle 
of the road. As Dana picked himself up, Odlin sagely 
remarked, " My opinion isn't worth anything, is it? I 
am nothing but a Freshman, am I?" 

Barrett has been engaged during the year in getting 
up a class catechism. We take a few extracts from ad- 
vance sheets: "Who was the first man? Adam, 
whose sir-name was Barrett. Who is the oldest man? 
Jones. Who is the wisest man? Skipper. Who is the 
meekest man? William Emerson Barrett. Who is 
the biggest chinner? Hay ward. Who is the hand- 
somest man? Dustan. Who is the most virtuous? 
Webster Thayer. Who is the least so? Stacey. Who 
goes to all the shows and tries to cut a swell? The 
General. Who loves the girls? Jake. Who stole Dr. 
Newton's onions? Baalam/' 

June 24. Prize speaking. Spring and Foster did no- 
bly for the class, and Jake carried off one of the prizes. 

The following is a leaf from our hero's diary : 

'* Commencement week. Sunday. At father's sug- 
gestion I shall keep a diary during the week to let the 
folks at home know what goes on. 

Monday. Met her at the Junction. She's immense. 



( H ) 

Tuesday. Loafed around with her all day. Told 
her about the Sunday-school medal, and called her at- 
tention to my siders. The one at the Eagle isn't any- 
where. 

Wednesday. We went to walk this morning. Ex- 
changed jewelry this afternoon. Kissed her a few 
times this evening. 

Thursday. Nothing particular. Didn't see her much. 

Friday. We parted. Gave her my card and usher's 
ribbon* She says she will wait for me until I graduate. 

Saturday. *' No one to love, none to caress." 

Sunday. Father wanted to see my diary, but I told 
him he wouldn't be interested." 

I have told you of Ripley's adventures with the gen- 
tler sex. I might tell you a tale with Alvin Dennis 
Gaines, of North Troy, Vermont, for a hero, and the 
young woman at the Roberts Club for a heroine. I 
might tell you about Sam and the Concord girl who 
stopped at the house on the corner. And they do say 
that even Jim Stone is "involved" in Dunbarton. But 
he keeps quiet about it, so I will hand him over to 
Hay ward for further developments. And as I look 
back over the year I find nothing to record of Hayzen 
or our class-leader, 

I give them likewise into Hayward's hands. Here 
endeth the Sophomore history. The material at 
hand I have used to the best of my ability. I wish it 
were something of more . merit that I have to offer 
you. Such as it is, " with malice towards none, with 
good will to all," have I written it. If it " grinds you 
some," remember that grinds are the object of a class 
history. My task has been a pleasant one, class-mates, 
and as I close, my only wish is that the boys of '80 
shall see many years as happy as the year we were 
Sophomores at Dartmouth. 



JUNIOR HISTORY 



-OF THE- 



61M.&& 0$ %i$&ir 



DARTMOUTH COLLEGE. 



HISTORIAN. 



PUBLISHED BY THE CLASS. 

1879. 



All® 



muse, that youthful poets oft invoke, 
Whose voice the groves of Greece so oft awoke, 
I hid thee now another song inspire 
And add thy breath to fan the smould'ring fire. 
grant, I pray, thine all availing aid 
To pen in words, that ne'er may fade, 
The famous acts of '80's junior year. 
And shelter'd by thy care I will not fear 
To speak the deeds by lordly Dustan done, 
But I'll rehearse them to you one by one, 
Tho' loudly Dustan swore he'd go to law, 
If aught of self on printed page he saw. 
And help me then to grind and serve alike 
Good Alvin Dennis Gaines and Clarence Pike. 

may I ne'er pronounce Agrippa's name, 

And leave unsung our swarthy Skipper's flame. 
And now I look about, methinks I miss 
The all melodious bray of Jesse Twiss ; 
In vain I cast about my searching eye 

1 see it not George Robert's bright red tie. 
In fancy now I rise and southward skim 
Till now I sink beneath the ocean's rim 
To where the warlike Patagonian dwells 
And there find Bobby Thayer's artesian wells. 
I see George Mitchell course amid the stars. 
He rests on Venus or he stays with Mars. 
But hold, no more I'll mount on fancy's wins; 
Or sport with stars or any trivial thing. 

I swift descend on Norwich. What is that I see, 

'Tis Dutton sure with Martha on his knee. 

Ye gods, I own that I can understand 

The passion that's inspired by dimpled hand, 

By ankle neatly turn'd or heaving breast 

Of youth, and sparkling eyes that speak the rest, 

But, on my word as sure as I'm alive, 

I fail to see the charm in forty-five 

To move the pulse or stir the youthful blood. 

And now another word, pray be so good 

As to bear with me, if I don't see fit 

To take vulgarity and dub it wit. 

But come, adieu with all this noise and fuss, 

I leave behind my limping Pegasus. 




f) © 



.HE. 30th of August, 1878, found the greater part of the 
^m^ class of '80 back at Hanover. The transition from sopho- 
more to junior was for the most part an easy one, though Hiram 
Diogenes and Dickey felt much devolved upon them, and Hiram 
was convinced that the part of Carrigan ought to be re-enacted. 
It was but a short time after the beginning of the term, when 
Hiram first began to recruit from dinning, which had been ar- 
duous in the extreme, that his grapes came per express. But 
grapes like riches in Hiram's case may be said to have taken unto 
themselves wings and to have flown away. For Piute got them 
at the express under Hiram's very nose. And having once fallen 
into his hands, who can doubt that they all found their way into 
Piute's capacious maw? Hiram, when he learned the facts, was 
for once a trifle disconcerted, but consoled himself by saying, like 
the fox in the fable, that the grapes were sour and he would not 
so much as touch them even had Piute forced them upon him. 

Dustan no doubt was thinking of how Samson put his head in 
the lap of the Philistine woman — he must have been thinking of 
this, or what could he have been thinking about, when he attempted 
to put his feet in a certain young lady's lap ? 

I call no names nor do I vouch for the fact, for Strout's fate is 
fresh in my mind. He no doubt meant to tell the truth, only he 
drew on his imagination too much. But, as he repented and apol- 
ogized, when circumstances thickened around him, we will not dis- 
Grace him farther. 

It was on one of those occasions, when Emerson made one of 
his accustomed raids on the kerosene lamps and cologne works of 
Reed Hall, that he lit on a sign in Mollie's room Now Mollie, 
like Washington, was unable to tell a lie, and Chuck was soon in 
possession of the facts, which he assured our trembling JMollie 
should be laid before the faculty. Now the authorities of Hartford 
had offered divers rewards for such as of this wicked and perverse 



6 Junior History 



generation sought after a sign. And Mollie's mind was filled 
with all sorts of forebodings and horrors. Indeed he dreampt for 
two nights running of expulsion and stopping at Windsor, board 
and lodging free. It wore on him fearfully. In two days he 
looked the mere shadow of his former self. He couldn't have 
looked worse had he flunked. And the upshot of it was, that he 
went in the humblest manner conceivable to Emerson and assured 
him that, if the matter should be kept from the faculty, and the 
dread arm of the law not envoked, the sign should be restored. 
So upon that very night sustained by Gill and a few other ardent 
spirits he stole into White River Village and returned the sign to 
its old position; and then like Tarn O'Shanter never drew rein till 
he had crossed running water. Strout and Sut, our Damon and 
Pythias, came back to college rather late. They went to Boston 
we are told. Their looks quite belied the poet's words : 

" womaD, in our hours of ease 
Uncertain, coy and hard to please." 

It is not without reluctance and sorrow that I speak of the late 
Mr. Dickey. Dickey, as you all know, had a little peculiarity of 
coming late to chapel. It was upon such an occasion as this — I 
should not say occasion, but habitual occurrence — when the su- 
preme head of this institution was on the point of beginning divine 
services, that Dickey stalked into chapel. '80 rose to a man, and 
half the freshman class with us, while Dickey without moving a 
muscle or change of countenance took his seat. I verily believe, 
when at the last day this world shall be dissolved with fervent 
heat, when all nations, kindreds and tribes shall have gathered be- 
fore the judgment seat, this mighty assembly shall wait in breath- 
less wonder till the last trump shall sound, and after it shall sound, 
Dickey shall come in, and the judge shall ask "who is this?" And 
the reply shall come, " Mr. Dickey, late of earth and late in 
Heaven." 

Piute learned a great deal in physics. One thing was that he 
could not exhaust a bottomless tumbler with the air pump. He 
couldn't tell what ailed the " blamed thing ;" but he says now, he 
can see through glass when there is a hole in it. 

Charles began to follow in the steps of Hayt and Kingman. 
His devotion was remarkable. Piute was quite alone. Charles 
rarely returned to his domicile before the small hours. He fairly 



Class of Eighty 



lived on the corner. He became intimate with every member of 
the family. It was a touching sight to see little Harry of a Sunday 
look knowingly into the gallery, and observe how cunningly he 
winked at Charles, who never seemed to see him, but on such oc- 
casions was sure to be earnestly listening to eloquent discourses 
from Pa, contrary to his custom. 

Sam King has terribly degenerated. No one was surprised 
that such abandoned men as Sam Perry and Mollie should spend 
the Sabbath frivolously among the mountains ; but that sober, se- 
date Sam King should go the way of all flesh, that he should 
plunge into such mad debauchery, that he should be seen in the 
company of such depraved characters, and that he should have 
been brought back to the cars maudlin, violent and profane, pas. 
seth all comprehension. And Sammy even defended himself be- 
fore the Christian Fraternity, where I am happy to state that, un- 
like Talmage, he did not escape, but was gravely censured by a 
committee of which Nibs was chairman. 

There is no need of saying that in the fall athletics '80 did no- 
bly. Charles and Spot did honor to the class. 

This fall brother Moore put in an appearance among us. The 
Deacon's grave, quiet ways won the hearts of all, who knew him. 
And we were filled with apprehension as we thought, tk Those, 
whom the gods love, die young." The Deacon, Jack and Nibs 
organized for future work ; but more of them hereafter. 

Soon schools were in great demand. Barrett and Tom Thumb 
secured places in Claremont. Flam got a school in Jericho beyond 
the Jordan. For a week Hammy really worked, how he crammed 
for examination ! No one saw him save at meal times. And to see 
him then was a caution. To see him set about replacing the 
waste of brain tissue, was enough to break the heart of a boarding- 
house keeper. 

Spot tried for a school at Littleton ; yet, in spite of the charac- 
ter he gave himself and the full beard and every other requisite, 
he represented himself as possessing, all his efforts came -to naught. 

Time would fail to go into the particulars of Gill's going to 
Manchester with Will Smith. The wedding was immense. Gill 
very properly kissed the bride ; but had no sooner done so than 
he was overwhelmed with confusion and his face suffused with 



Junior History 



blushes. Will made it all right and then introduced Gill to three 
or four governors. Virginia may be the mother of presidents, but 
Manchester is the mother of governors. Will had not decided 
whether he will be a governor or not, he thinks not, " they are so 
common you know/' 

Early in the winter the Glee Club went to Littleton. It was 
here that Sam Perry became so helpless, that freshman Dunn had 
to make arrangements for himself and Sam. When bed time 
came, Sam found a room engaged for himself and Dunn. Sam 
being extremely fastidious objected to bunking with a mere fresh- 
man, and asked Dunn in his gentle way, " What in hell have you 
done ?" " Engaged you a room," says Dunn. They say when one 
has made his bed he must lie in it. and so Sam found it. He ex- 
hausted his rich and copious vocabulary of modern oaths, and 
called on more heathen gods and goddesses, and made more classical 
allusions than he ever displayed acquaintance with in class-room ; 
but for all this turned in with Dunn convinced a junior has no 
rights a freshman is bound to respect. Sam however had partial 
revenge, for he made Dunn turn out the next morning and make 
the fire, when the mercury was not far from 40 t> below zero. 

We began the winter with " Zoo" under Prof. Hitchcock. Re- 
markable progress was made by the whole class ; but that of a 
few members deserves especial notice. Who will ever forget the 
great oration Dennis pronounced on the bones of the whale? The 
Professor gave him the whale's bones and Dennis stuck to his text 
as you will all remember. " The whale," said Dennis, " is the 
greatest marine animal," and there he stuck ; but not for long, for 
he soon proceeded with his natural fluency. " He is a native of 
the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, Arctic and Antarctic oceans, Medi- 
terranean, Black, Caspian and South seas, the great lake of Amer- 
ica and Shovelshop Pond." Here he was stopped by prolonged 
and rapturous applause. " He is harpooned with a harpoon, and 
in many instances is killed by a bomb. And there are instances 
on record of whales being blown into smithereens. Need I add, 
the whale is the most terrible monster that dwells in the caverns 
of the briny deep, that by George sir, he sometimes swallows a 
boat crew, boat and all. The whale has a coat of blubber, blub- 
ber is fat, the whale is very fat, the blubber is sometimes ten feet 



Class of Eighty. 9 



thick ; the whale brings forth its young not dead but alive. The 
young whale, which the old whale brings forth weighs, a ton." 
Here he paused for ton was suggestive and informed the professor 
and class that the finest, hardest and blackest Lackawanna coal 
could be purchased of him for a trifling compensation. He con- 
tinued as follows : ''The whale is probably the leviathan of the 
Hebrew scriptures." Type was on the point of interrupting, when 
Dennis said, " Professor, I am afraid you don't get the full force 
of my remarks. For the whale is a warm blooded animal, a warm 
blooded animal is one whose blood is warm. The whale swims," 
and Dennis was getting on swimmingly when the bell rang. Den- 
nis stood flourishing those two specimens of whale bone doing 
mighty execution with his mouth, reminding one of the mighty 
deed Sampson once performed with a like weapon. Dennis doubt- 
less would have given an accurate and detailed account of the 
whale's bones, had time sufficed; but it is doubtful, if it had suf- 
ficed, had he continued to the present hour. The next day Cogs- 
well, who had the bones of some other animal, got a note from 
the professor saying, he would please confine himself to the bones. 

Eighty added many new and startling facts to comparative zo- 
ology. Herrick informed the astonished professor that the ostrich 
had three legs, while Balaam staked his reputation for statistics 
on the assertion that the tarsus — ankle bone — was somewhere be- 
tween the hip and shoulder. Nibs affirmed this astounding cir- 
cumstance, that he deduced as he says, from his general knowledge, 
which, like his general reading and Bobby's purchases at a book 
auction, covers a wide field, this is the circumstance : "Animals" 
says Nibs, with the gravity of Pike and the positiveness of Fur- 
man, " grow older as they advance in years." 

No historian would do justice who failed to mention the various 
and varied experiences of the pedagogue. It is said Johnny Ham 
kept a remarkable school ; he formed friendships with the large 
girls which ripened into interviews continuing through the spring. 
On one occasion like this, Johnny was cut short in the midst of a 
tender and interesting meeting by Gill and Tom Flint who were 
on a semi-weekly pilgrimage to the Junction. Johnny has re- 
marked since with emphasis that it was a "damned lie." And let 
me say right here that, while Johnny's school lasted, if there were 



10 Junior History 



any two things which aroused Johnny's indignation, and which he 
punished with the utmost severity, these two things were lying 
and profanity. 

If report does not belie him Sturtivant's short stay at Lisbon 
was somehow connected with his partiality for the large girls of 
his flock. 

Joney created quite a sensation when he first reached Clare- 
mont, the little girls were all humming, 

" I had a little husband 
No bigger than my thumb, 
I put him on a pint pot 
And there I bid him drum." 

But, when he took hold of the boys, they sang quite a different 
tune. 

His discipline was next to perfect, though a sickly smile did 
steal over the school, and then fade away, when a small boy by the 
merest accident, succeeded in making H 2 upon the floor. 

Let us inquire into the career of Pete Dame. Pete was con- 
vinced that there was nothing like having evidence of high moral 
character. So Stacy and Jake gave him a character for virtue 
and self-denial as lofty as that of the much revered founder of 
this institution. Pete was in keeping with the commands of the 
scripture, but, if there was any one passage Pete loved, it was 
this : u Little children love one another." Now for Pete, almost 
his first experience was going to a party among the Vershire hills. 
Pete was resolved to accomplish mighty things — to lay siege to 
the female heart, in short to carry all by storm. He wore the 
flaming, red tie Roberts had bequeathed to him, (and who can 
doubt the effect?) Pete looked himself over complacently in the 
glass and thought himself a perfect cherub, and all he needed to 
complete his happiness was Spot to admire him. Pete went to the 
party and was soon enamored of one of Vermont's fairest daughters, 
in whose company the hours sped merrily along, and there was no 
end of gentle pressures, loving glances, and blandishing words on the 
part of Pete. Imagine, if you can, his consternation and wrath, 
when at the end of the evening, he learned he had been buzzing 
a married woman. So confused was he, when he started for home, 
that he walked about five miles in the opposite direction before he 
discovered his error. And, when at last he really did reach home. 



Class of Eighty. 11 



the small hours had begun to grow long again. But what about 

that Boston lady ? 

" I'll tell you a story 
About Mother Morey," 

and I could say more, but perhaps I have said enough. Suffice it 
to say, that one night a large party paid Pete a visit, when, had 
they found him, they would doubtless have made him sensible of 
their appreciation of his merit. When the boys went to the cop- 
per mines, a certain doctor sent Pete a message you have all heard. 

Moral, if you wish to keep a good school, just get your class- 
mates to give you a certificate for good sense, discretion and high 
moral character, and then go and do as Pete did. 

Jake taught school in Chelsea. We have not full accounts of 
his experience, but this much we know that he has had a vast deal 
to say about " those liquid orbs." 

The revival was supplemented by the labors of the Deacon, 
Jack and Nibs, who labored with Bobby and his chum but appar- 
ently with little effect. 

The President of the Reform Club somehow heard Skip had 
been in the habit of delivering temperance lectures to large and 
appreciative audiences in the Queen's dominions, and also that 
Skip had written an eloquent and suggestive essay of 200 pages 
on the derivation of the English article " the." So he calls on 
Skip one day and says: " Mr. Hubbard, I feel somewhat delicate 
in my humble position about asking a person of your reputation 
to deliver a temperance lecture ; but by so doing you will confer a 
great favor upon us." And Mr. Hubbard quite reluctantly (?), I 
assure you, condescended. '80 was fully conscious of the honor 
Skipper was about to confer upon his class, and was well repre- 
sented upon that memorable winter's evening. The meeting was 
opened by the President of the Reform Club, who gave this cheer- 
ing intelligence : " The Reform Clubs have heretofore been 
distinguished by a conspicuous succession of orderly meetings." 
Skipper was delivered in due time. He painted snakes and gor- 
gons, he pictured in frightful hues the tortures of a victim strug- 
gling in a goose pond, and the fiendish laughter of a rum-seller ex- 
ulting on a big boulder. The applause was rapturous. Skip caught 
a glorious vision of the future, when rum barrels should be turned 
into chicken coops and distillers sent abroad as missionaries ; the 



12 Junior History 



scene widened and spread until Skip "gyrated" from Plymouth 
Rock to San Francisco Bay, and was finally lost in the infinite 
radiation of his own overwhelming genius. Skipper was brought 
off in triumph, high on the necks of the crowd by his admiring 
friends. 

Fuddy went to Concord and happened(?) to meet, (whom 
should he meet?) and the result was they went coasting. They 
hadn't coasted more than once before the young lady's mamma 
appeared upon the stage, and with a sorrowful, wistful counte- 
nance Fuddy saw his angel vanish away. Fuddy, if you must 
coast, be sure the coast is clear and no vigilant mammas dog your 
seductive steps. 

Among important things let the flunk Dustan made in biblicals 
be recorded. It was too apparent to disguise, though Dana would 
have it appear to the professor that the lesson went no farther. 
He redeemed himself however on the following Suuday by saying 
the Pharisees and Saducees were the two great Jewish "sexes ;" 
such is the current of his mind. 

Once upon a time Gill, Sam Perry and Tom Flint, and perhaps 
a few other roistering blades, went to Woodstock to hear and see 
Miss Cayvan, and applauded so loudly, that this estimable lady 
took occasion to remark on " college stupidity." How sadly are 
the best intentions misconstrued ! 

Plato furnished great stores of mental food. Reading at sight 
was rather a trial even to the patient and long suffering spirit 
of Johnny Ham. 

Nibs came an extremely shrewd game on Emerson by saying 
the question asked was not treated of in his book, that being a 
'77 edition ; but alas, for Nibs's memory or Nibs's veracity, Chuck 
reached under his desk and produced the '77 physics, and in the 
twinkling of an eye Nibs was refuted. 

King's whiskers, when he returned from teaching, had assumed 
alarming proportions. Sam had the airs of a grand duke and the 
appearance of an exquisite. 

The spring opened with optics to be reviewed and chemistry to 
be begun. Charles argued stoutly that he had seen double a great 
many times, and asked Emerson if he could explain the phenome- 
non. Why didn't he ask Piute. 



Class of Eighty, 13 



* Mirrors covered the boards. Willie Smith drew very pretty pic- 
tures ; but somehow, he couldn't make them hold together, and 
whispered to Sooner, " Where shall I put the arrow Clarence ?" 

Jake and Gill used to have very exciting races in chemistry. 
Gill was glib enough and could give a formula for anything, the 
only trouble was, he never gave it right, and was apt to give 
H2SO4 for about every thing, and, if he thought that wouldn't 
do, why he just drew on his imagination. Jake pursued quite the 
opposite plan. Jake was not glib, he was cautious. Bub would 
ask him such a question as this, " How would litmus paper be af- 
fected by an acid?" Jake would pause about three minutes, and 
having made up his mind would say, " Professor, I think — I am 
sure, it would change color." "Right," says Bub, "a very safe 
answer and it does you credit," and Jake would sit down with as 
much quiet dignity as Hiram Diogenes would get up in class meet- 
ing. Hiram, by the way, tried how it would work to ape Dickey 
by coming to chapel late ; but failing to produce the desired effect 
Hiram soon gave it up. 

Skipper's name is one of the immortal few, 

" That were not born to die." 
Skipper as you all know is a philosopher ; yet for all his philoso- 
phy has not learned that " a bird in the hand is worth two in the 
Bush." It was love at sight. And like " Balbus and the army " 
it was all over with Skip. He went to reading Captain Mayne 
Reed's Bush Boys and told 'Grip confidentially he meant to turn 
Bush-boy too. Skipper was subjected to a terrible ordeal, even 
worse than when he was shaved freshman year. Instead of sym- 
pathy he met with sarcasm and envious jeers. His suspicions 
were aroused. He imagined and brooded over terrible results, and 
thought his hour had come, when Hiram entered Norwich with his 
lady-killing breeches and overcoat, which he worships with as 
much devotion as a Hottentot his fetich. Dickey and a few other 
satellites attended. Skip was on pins and needles ; he expected 
to see his flame spirited off every instant by Pike or some other 
gay deceiver. So no amount of solicitation on Barrett's part 
could induce the crafty Skipper to give an introduction. At last 
the enemy withdrew and left Skip in possession of the field. 

Dickey gained great popularity in Norwich. We have not 
space to rehearse "the follies of the night" on which he drove 



14 Junior History 



the chariot over to that city. Dutton asked Dickey to go fo 
prayer meeting ; but, as they didn't use Cushing's manual there, 
Dickey declined. Dickey went to call on a lady and there Dutton 
left him. This was about 7 p. m. After prayer meeting Dutton 
does some little business for Martha, calls on a friend and then 
starts for home; (it is now past 10, but he sees Dickey's chariot 
still outside the door. He enters on tip toe, the room is dark, he 
hears low voices and something like the crack of a whip, he tum- 
bles over a chair, the serpent has entered Eden, all is confusion. 

The '80 Glee Club was so good, Ed. White and Gill were anx- 
ious to start another. So they called together Sooner and Kib, 
for they found out that Kib sings tenor in the choir at home. At 
the first rehearsal great talent was evinced, only unfortunately Ed. 
White strained his voice and pitched into Sooner for being out of 
tune. Now Edson, as we all know, knows the words of every col- 
lege song that was ever written, but can't to save his soul sing in 
tune, and it is questionable whether he can distinguish between 
" Hold the Fort " and " Yankee Doodle." Sooner of course 
would not put up with this, and Gill and Kib chimed in, and the 
quartette made a terrible discord which came near ending in a 
regular knock down and drag out. In truth the quartette perished 
for lack of harmony. 

Sturtivant so far forgot himself as to give Jim Stone a boxing 
lesson in Latin, and the Professor gave them both a lesson by 
sending them out of the room. 

" Where was Moses, when the light went out?" Half-the-seas- 
over. 

The day of the wooding up in chapel, Jack Lord found out, be- 
fore he went in, what was up, in rather a peculiar manner. He saw 
a man dash past him, just as the bell began to ring, his hair was 
disheveled, only one boot was blacked, he caught but a glimpse, 
that was enough, it was Dickey, he saw it all. For no common 
thing, no ordinary occasion brought Dickey in such hot haste to 
chapel. 

The following dialogue took place in chemistry between Pro- 
fessor, medics and Jim Stone. And by the way, neither medics 
nor Jim have been able to answer a single one of Bub's questions. 

Bub to 1st medic, — "Are you a member of this class?" Ans. — 
" No sir." 



Class op Eighty. 15 



To 2d medic and so on ; answer — " No, sir." 

To Jim Stone — "Are you a member of this class?" Jim — "I 
don't know, sir." 

Cogswell did '80 and Dartmouth great honor at Mont Haven in 
the 4 and \ mile runs. He had a warm reception at the Junction. 
Strange things they tell of Sam King, Skip., Armitage and Stacy, 
the rumor goes they all tasted the fragrant weed. Alas ! for vir- 
tue. Alas ! for scholarships. 

While Charles was in training he had his little struggle in 
Greek. It was all new to Charles, who goes by faith rather than 
sight, he halts at, KpioS, rpa yoS ravpoS, et ct. 

Ram, goat, bull, 
for xpioS Johnny suggests "a butter." Charles catches at a straw 
and shouts, " butter, cheese and eggs." 

Will Smith read in biblical what Festus said of Paul, " Much 
learning doth make thee mad." And the Professor says to him, 
14 It is a pretty hard thing to be called Crazy isn't it, Mr. Smith ?" 

The weather during the spring was a trifle changeable, and 
every change and fall of snow never failed to call out from Cap. 
Warner, of the squirt gun brigade, some eulogy on New England 
climate or comparison with the snakes, mosquitoes and bugs of 
sunny Alabama. 

This spring Dustan and Willie Hexameter both indulged in a 
virgin shave. 

A certain young lady of Hanover remarked after the spring 
athletics, that the sports had been unusually dull, and she did be- 
lieve she should have really perished from sheer ennui, had it not 
been for the pleasure she experienced in the company of that 
amiable Mr. Dustan of the Junior class. 

What a pity Fuddy should go to Leb. so often. And it is not 
exactly Pity either but something very like it. 

Roberts is gone, and Cluff still lives and is likely to, if his ap- 
petite doesn't fail. 

Mort is still prime minister and heir-apparent of the Swett 
Dynasty. 

'80 elected the following men Dartmouth editors, Barrett, Dick- 
ey, Fellows, Furman, Jones, Morton and Spring 1. 

Barrett and Dickey became door-keepers, not exactly iu the 
house of the Lord but of the council and representatives. Com- 



16 Junior History 



mencement week the governor so far dispensed with Hiram as to 
let him return to Hanover, where meeting with two alumni, he 
took one of them for a paene and talked W. T. very earnestly with 
him. After letting our Carrigan use his tongue very freely for 
an hour or two, the alumnus, who happened himself to be a W. T. 
told the whole thing to one of the fellow's, though Hiram went 
off thinking he had made a tremendous impression. Alas ! the 
sorrows of a credulous mind. 

The Springs both took prizes, the General, the first English 
essay, and Sooner, the second Latin ode. Jake Foster did himself 
great honor in bearing off the first oratorical prize. 

It was after prize-speaking that Balaam orated on "the three 
great levelers of society." Balaam's illustrations were all drawn 
from personal experience. 

We quote from a North Troy paper: "It will give the public 
great pleasure to learn of the financial success of our fellow-towns- 
man Mr. Alvin Dennis Gaines. Mr. Gaines is at present a mem- 
ber of the senior class at Dartmouth college, and it is expected 
that after graduation Mr. Gaines will be retained by that institu- 
tion as a professor." 

The Latin during the year was Quintilian Seneca and Juvenal. 
The Greek, '' Demosthenes on the Crown," Plato and "Aristo- 
phanes' Clouds." For two terms we had Physics. In the spring 
we had Astronomy and Chemistry. We also had Rhetoric during 
the fall and winter. Zoology likewise came in the winter. Smith 
1 has led the class for the year, though Pierce led in the fall and 
in the winter shared it with Smith. 

Classmates, I have endeavored to recall a few of the incidents 
of junior year. I trust I may have said nothing which has wound- 
ed the feelings of any one. Strout promised great things from me; 
how his promise has been kept you all see. If in any part of my 
history I have struck too deep, I crave forgiveness. If I have 
fallen below your expectation, I crave indulgence. I now leave 
all further records of the class to Smith. And with the heartiest 
goodwill and friendship for all, I close my work. 

Finis. 



SENIOR HISTORY 



OF THE 



H 



H 



DARTMOUTH COLLEGE, 



WILLIAM I. SMITH, HISTORIAN 



PUBLISHED BY THE CLASS. 
1880. 



H. H. Woodbury & Co., 

Printers, 

Woodstock, Vt. 



DEDICATED TO 

" All who figure in the play." 



SENIOR HISTORY OF '80. 



3>«<0^ 



' ' I cannot tell how the truth may be : 
I say the tale as 'twas said to me." 

"Bet your life," said Gill, as he rushed out of the Philosophical 
Room, to Balaam, who stood on the door steps of Reed Hall, 
with his hands in his pockets, his hat on the back of his head, 
and his countenance beaming with delight. "Through, Gill ?" in- 
quired Balaam. "Bet your life," was Gill's reply, "Chuck's a 
regular brick." "Gill, are you aware of the fact that we are 
through Astronomy and are now Seniors?" "Balaam, if I was- 
in the habit of swearing, I would affirm on my oath that you 
speak the truth. Balaam, I've never Senior year before." "What's 
the matter with my ear?" innocently inquired Balaam, who was 
not accustomed to Gill's eccentricities of speech. Gill failed to 
answer, being absorbed in profound meditation. Suddenly he 
startles Balaam from his reverie over Newton's laws, by exclaim- 
ing, "I've got a good question to ask you, Balaam." "Proceed," 
says Balaam. "Well, let me see," continued Gill, "if we are 
through Junior year we must be Seniors." "Every time," an- 
swers Balaam. "Well, if we are Seniors, and '79 have not gradu- 
ated, can you inform me, Balaam, what they are?" "Sure enough 
Gill, what are they?" is Balaam's Socratic reply. "It is a point," 
says Gill, "which will be worth our while to consider ; so let's sit 
down under yonder tree and solve this intricate problem." They 
accordingly spread themselves under the protecting shade of a 
neighboring elm, and the change is so refreshing that Balaam soon 
feels drowsy, and says to Gill, "I'm going to sleep ; you w T ork out 
the problem, and if } 7 ou have any trouble you can borrow my 



6 SENIOR HISTORY 

horse." Gill deliberates for an hour or more, and finally springs 
to his feet with the same yell which the Indians in the woods about 
Faribault utter when whooping down upon a prize. The yell 
awoke Balaam, who was dreaming that Chuck had caught him 
cribbing in examination. He accordingly jumped up, saying, 
"Guess you are mistaken, Professor, it's against my principles to 
crib or hoss !" When he saw* Gill standing before him, he gave 
a sigh of relief and said, "Well, Gill, how do you make it?" "I've 
solved the difficult question, Balaam, and decided that '79 are un- 
dergraduates ! " Balaam instinctively looked at Gill and removed 
his hat. "Gill, you must study law; you have a natural talent 
for lucid reasoning which it would be well to cultivate ; you will 
stand beside Webster and Choate in the niche of Fame." "Ba- 
laam," said Gill, with a modest blush, "you may shake hands with 
me if you wish. Come down and let us perform the ceremony of 
compotation." "Agreed," says Balaam. So they left the spot 
where Gill's first forensic triumph occurred, and hastened away to 
Carter's, for Balaam having been in Gill's hands nearly two hours 
was sadly in need of bier. "Gill, we must have a drunk," says 
Balaam,as they were crossing the Campus. "Bet your life we will 
be the committee of arrangements," replies Gill. So on the even- 
ing of prize speaking, after the exercises in the Church were over, 
Gill, Jake, and Balaam went up in Reed Hall and celebrated their 
entrance into Senior year. Balaam gave his wonderful and orig- 
inal oration on "the three great levellers of society," with unusu- 
ally fine effect. Gill noted down the most eloquent passages. It 
is reported that in the sea of beer large schools of herring were 
seen floating about. They say that Jake took one by the tail and 
tried to drink out of its head. 

From the record of such youthful indiscretion, let us see what 
befell the other members of the class, during the summer. Jake 
and Will Pierce remained in Hanover, nearly all summer. 
Jake studied Law — that is, he pretended to study ; he spent nearly 
all his time rowing on the river or playing croquet. He and Wil- 
lie Hexameter were the lions of the place. It was very gratifying 
to Jake to think that Dustan was far away, and that there was no 
other rival in town. The young ladies all looked up to Willie 
Pierce as they would to a father. He was in very truth, "palrim 
pietatis imago." 



OF EIGHTY. 7 

Dickey and Barrett "worked for the Government" in Concord. 
Dickey was book-keeper to the House, while Hiram was valet de 
chambre to the Governor and Council. The first day that Hiram 
assumed the duties of his new position, he repaired to the State 
House and finding that none of his superiors had made their ap- 
pearance, he thought he would make things presentable; so, having 
secured a broom, he fell to work and labored diligently for some 
time. Having fully renovated the Council Chamber, he commenced 
upon the floor of the entrance hall. After an hour's steady work 
— breathless, covered with perspiration and dust, — Hiram paused 
and leaned against the wall for support. Suddenly he heard a 
suppressed chuckle. "Who's there?" said Hiram. No answer. 
Hiram thinks it's all his imagination. "Haw ! haw ! haw ! " 
"What can that be?" thought Hiram. "Haw ! haw ! haw ! " again 
louder than before. "I swear, I will find where that sound ema- 
nates from," mutters Hiram ; and he gropes along through the 
dust and comes upon an old colored man standing in the door- 
way, bent nearly double with age, rheumatism, and his efforts to 
choke off his laughter. "Who am you, anyhow?" he asks of Hi- 
ram, "and who tole you to sweep out dat ar hall way ? " Hiram 
straightens himself up and says, "I am William Emerson Hiram 
Diogenes Barrett, of Claremont, (?) private secretary to the Gov- 
ernor and Council, appointed to the position upon my own merits; 
now who are you, to thus familiarly address a Government offi- 
cial?" "I ask your pardon, Mass'r Willium Emerson Tallram 
Disorganized Barrett, but I'se hired to sweep out this ar buildin' 
and I'se not a goin' for to have my rights disrespected. Who tole 
you to sweep out dat ar hall-way ? " Light broke in upon Hi- 
ram's brain. "Well, you see," he said, in his usual complacent 
manner, "you are a pretty nice sort of a fellow, uncle, and I 
thought I would exercise myself this morning, so as to save you 
extra work." "Haw ! haw ! " muttered uncle, "young fellows 
like you dont of'en exercise in dat way." "Uncle, do you see 
this?" and Hiram held up a silver quarter. A shrewd look came 
over uncle's face. "Dis yere chile spects that's a quarter," said 
uncle. "If I will give you this, will you call it all square? " asked 
Hiram. "Golly, dis young nigger wont ever say nothin' bout 
it." Hiram dropped the silver into his outstretched palm and re- 
treated within the Council Chamber. Uncle turned the silver 



8 SENIOR HISTORY 

over, dropped it on the steps to see if it had the genuine ring-, 
and then bursting into several loud guffaws, muttering "that ar 
chap's a coon," disappeared round the corner of the building. 

Concord is capable of containing the crowds of strangers who 
are attracted there, when the legislature is in session. She can 
easily dispose of the governor and council, the senators and rep- 
resentatives, the judges, &c, but Dickey and Barrett are a host in 
themselves. Dickey boasts of numerous acquaintances, among 
which young ladies predominate. Dickey used to run up to West 
Leb. every Sunday, while Hiram spent each Sabbath in Clare- 
mont. During the week, they passsd most of their time in the 
State House. Dickey gave the different members of the House 
many valuable hints, as to how they should vote for or against cer- 
tian measures. Hi rain shadowed the governor in his waking hours. 
Even before the governor was out of bed in the morning, Hiram 
would present himself at the door of the gubernatorial chamber, 
at the Phoenix, and demand admittance. The governor had seri- 
ous thoughts of commuting BuzzelFs sentence, but Hiram, who 
enjoys an execution almost as much as Ripley does a good din- 
ner, begged the governor to allow the law to take its course. 

After all the state business was finished for the day, Hiram and 
Dickey would repair to their room, dress and start out on the 
"niash." One evening, about ten p. m., Hiram sat on the door 
steps of a certain mansion and near him sat a young lady. The 
moon w T as shining with unusual brilliancy, though the thick foli- 
age of the trees overhead rendered it difficult for Hiram to see 
his companion's face distinctly. Hiram spoke of the weather, 
the sunset, the city, Concord young ladies, the governor and 
council, the legislature, Claremont, then finally of himself. The 
conversation had begun to flag, though not on Hiram's part, for 
was he not discoursing eloquently upon some of the most remark- 
able personages who resided ( ?) in New Hampshire ? Finally 
Hiram began to grow restless and to hum " I'm lonely to-night 
love without thee" and " Draw me closer." At length, he grad- 
ually drew nearer to the side of his companion and carelessly 
threw his arm around her waist. Jumping to her feet with indig- 
nation, she exclaimed, " Thank you, Mr. Barrett, I can sit alone !" 
A moment after, the door closed on Hiram. Whenever Hiram 
met her, after that, in the street, he used to dodge around the 



OF EIGHTY. 9 

nearest corner, or draw the never failing newspaper out of his 
pocket and busy himself reading, until she had passed him. 

Hiram officiated as usher at the governor's last reception, cov- 
ering himself with much glory and his partner's dress with ice- 
cream. Hiram advised the governor to take a trip through the 
mountains in a special car, the party to include " all of our clique, 
you know." The governor was pleased with the idea, and all ar- 
rangements were perfected. Hiram went home to ask his father if 
he might join the party and missed the train, but he telegraphed 
the governor, as follows : " Nat ; go on without me, will meet 
you at Fabyan's." W. E. B. Hiram took the next train and ar- 
rived at Fabyan's at sunset. As he was coming from the dining- 
room, hearing the notes of a familiar song, he approached the 
parlor door, elbowed his way through the crowd, and saw Billie 
Johnson standing by the piano with a piece ot music in his hands. 
Billie had just opened his mouth and allowed the first note 
to glide through, when suddenly he stopped, turned pale and ut- 
tered his favorite expression . All turned instinctively tow- 
ards the door. There stood Hiram, calmly surveying the audi- 
ence and singers, with his habitual sang froid. After the first 
shock of seeing Hiram was over, Billie returned to business and 
completed his song with his accustomed skill and confidence. 
After the concert, Hiram recognized the different members of 
the quartette and whispered, " I'll see you later, boys." He then 
proceeded to devote himself exclusively to the fairer members of 
the party. When the hour of eleven had sounded, Hiram left 
his dulcinea with her parents and started in search of the quar- 
tette. He found them in their room. Hiram complimented them 
on their singing and then proposed they should order some beer. 
All agreed to his plan, and a waiter was sent to procure the beer. 
On its arrival ensued one of the dizziest times that ever occurred 
at Fabyan's. Hiram assumed the duties of host. Bottle after 
bottle was emptied, the waiter being kept busy running after fresh 
supplies. The second concert that evening was even more 
noisy than the first. In the midst of the uproar, the clerk enters. 
" What do you fellows mean b} r raising such a row in this house, 
at this hour of the night?" he screamed, his voice choking with 
rage. " The guests are all ringing to ask, " What kind of a 
house ours is which permits such rowdyism as this." " Shut up 



10 SENIOR HISTORY 

your damn yop," yelled Hiram " and bring us more beer."' 
There are times when even the boldest quail before a superior 
mind and when the clerk of the Fabyan meekly obeyed Hiram, 
'twas with a firm conviction that his was an intellect of no com- 
mon order, ]S"ext morning, Sam timidly approached the clerk 
and said in his most persuasive tones, " I hope you don't think 
we intended to make any noise last night, we were only celebrat- 
ing our friends' good luck in being appointed under the governor 
and council." The clerk gave Sam a look that made him wither 
and beat a hasty retreat from the office. As he passed out on the 
veranda, Sam was heard to mutter, " What damn cheeky fellows 
these hotel clerks are !" We will leave Hiram, basking in the 
smiles of the ladies and rejoicing in the confidence of the gov- 
ernor and council and see what befell the quartette, during the 
"trip." The way they managed was as follows : either Sut [or 
Strout] would go ahead, as advance agent. The quartette would 
arrive about noon, generally. After dinner, at which Sam invari- 
ably ordered a glass of wine (which he paid for) the quartette 
would swell around, up and down the verandas, as an advertise- 
ment. After tea, crowds would fiock into the parlor and the con- 
cert would begin. When a certain stage was reached, Mort 
would make his little speech. In a voice, which trembled almost 
as much as Gill's when he announced the repetition of the first 
Pinafore, Mort would say : "Ladies and gentlemen, after the next 
song a hat will be passed ; you are invited to contribute if you 
like. If not, you are welcome to remain. We are singing each 
night, in order to obtain the necessary funds for completing our 
college education. It is a worthy cause, the Lord loveth a cheer- 
ful giver. Amen." When Mort would see the people stare at 
Sam's attempts at cutting a swell, with his loud pants and quanti- 
ties of jewelry, he would hasten to add, " Ladies and gentlemen, 
I neglected to state that our clothes were hired for the " trip." 
This always made Sam mad. When the party reached the Shoals, 
they were surveyed with eager eyes by the fairer portions of the 
guests. Sam found an old flame of his there and managed to en- 
joy himself upon the whole very much. The young lady was 
anxious to have the rest of the party presented to her, and after 
the concert, while promenading with Sam, she made known her 
wishes. Sam wanted her all to himself, and informed her that 



OF EIGHTY. 11 

" Mort was not feeling well and had retired, while Sturd and 
JBillie, inveterate women haters, were up stairs playing California 
Jack, and [Sut and Strout] were walking together in the moon- 
light listening to the sobbing of the sad sea weaves." When Sam 
went up stairs that night the other fellows asked him " why he 
had not done the square thing,' and introduced them." "Well, 
you see," said Sam, " she is engaged and doesn't think there is 
an} 7 one worth looking at, but her gentleman." Then Sam looked 
sheepish and tried to blush. The fellows tumbled immediately. 
[Regard for the young lady induces us to say, that Sam's af- 
fected maidenly confusion was a base fabrication.] " Who is that 
fellow:" asked a Southern swell of the same young lady, as Sam 
stood on the piazza of the Appledore. " He is a Dartmouth stu- 
dent and first base on the Glee Club," she replied. " 0, indeed, 
I thought he must be a millionaire," returned the youth. "A 
couple of millions would back up his assurance." 

It is impossible to follow the quartette through their trip. 
Their adventures, escapades, *■' mashes," and escapes, would fill a 
large sized volume. To see Billie's face, when the milk would 
give out ; to watch the change on Mort's when he heard " boiled 
schrode;" to observe Sam's frantic contests with a billiard cue; 
Sturd's determined efforts to make an impression and to sympa- 
thize with [Sut and Strout] are opportunities forever lost and 
which no one deeply regrets. 

Piute had never camped out at the beach, or even at the moun- 
tains; his ideas of camp life were all drawn from dime novels. 
He thought it would be a very fine thing to tent it a few weeks 
at the beach. His imagination pictured a scene of the greatest 
enjoyment. A lofty eminence, a tent large and commodious, sup- 
plied with hot and cold water, gas, spring beds, and all the mod- 
ern improvements. Plenty of fish, lobsters, clams, and possibly 
ovsters, rose before him like the vision of some fair woman. He 
longed to go; he hungered for the joys of camp life. We went. 
When Piute got his first view of the ocean, he exclaimed, "By 
Jupiter ! It is larger than Lake Winnipisiogee ! I swear if it 
aint ! " We arrived at the camping ground and started to pitch 
our tents; but Piute was impatient for some lobsters. We urged 
him to get the tent in readiness for the night, then go down to 
the lobster house and get some for supper. It was of no use ; 



12 SENIOR HISTORY 

Piute would have his lobsters first. We argued that "night was 
coming on — that we feared rain — that we must go for straw and 
wood;" it was all thrown away on Piute. So down we sat, an 
hour before sunset, nothing done for the night, and w T aited for 
Piute, while he devoured three lobsters, with no vinegar or con- 
diments of any kind. We managed to get the tent fixed, some- 
how, and went to bed. Piute undressed as usual, put on his 
ruffled robe de nuit, carefully wrapped up his spectacles and put 
them in his trunk ; then rolled himself up in a blanket, — to 
sleep'? Not a bit. The mosquitos were there in swarms. Piute 
said "for every one that was killed, a couple of hundred came to 
its funeral." Piute's swearing and vehement imprecations against 
things in general and the discomforts of camping out in particular, 
served to divert our attention till sunrise. We breakfasted at 
half-past five. About nine, Piute swore it was noon and time for 
dinner. No use trying to argue, so we advised him to go down 
and buy a lobster for his lunch. He started on the run for the 
lobster house, but soon returned saying they would not be boiled 
till noon. We suggested going for clams. The idea met Piute's 
approval, who inquired if you "caught them with a hook, or shot 
them ? " Accordingly we armed ourselves with shovels and bas- 
kets, and started for Neddick river. When we reached there, the 
tide was not quite far enough out to admit of getting clams, and 
w T e were obliged to wait. 'Tis very slow work waiting for the 
tide to go out, but w T e managed, somehow, to kill time, listening 
to Piute's "descriptions" of Chicago. Then, when the coast was 
clear, we decided to commence operations. We climbed down 
the old wharf and were crossing the clam beds, when suddenly 
Piute paused and exclaimed, "be quiet! Step lightly or you will 
scare the clams?" Piute wouldn't stir an inch further until we 
assured him that the clams would not bite through his shoes. 
Piute would not leave the place till we had dug half a bushel, 
then how he did swear because he had to help lug them two miles 
to camp. We got home finally, though Piute stopped at the lob- 
ster house and bought two large lobsters to stay his hunger wmile 
dinner was cooking. He informed us that his motto was u wir 
easen um zu leben." Piute had never been in the salt water, so after 
dinner he proposed to go in bathing. We consented. Piute dis- 
appeared in the tent, and after a while emerged, clad in a pair of 



OF EIGHTY. 13 

Chas.' old tights and one of his own checked flannel shirts. He 
would wear his glasses into the water; he said if he went in 
without them he should not be able to see which way the wind 
blew. We finally got down on the beach and plunged into the 
water. Piute went up to his knees and stood there shivering, 
saying, "by Judas Iscariot, this is cold, aint it? " Finally a large 
wave came and struck Piute amidships, and over he went rolling up 
the beach. Piute after removing the sand and salt water from his 
mouth, muttered, "I guess I wont stay in any longer to-day, for I 
am not used to it ! " We noticed when Piute got back to the 
tent, that before he even looked for his towel, he smuggled some- 
thing under his arm and went out behind the camp. Presently 
we heard a gurgling sound, then a familiar whisper, "by snum ! 
that puts new life into a fellow ! " "What's that sound out there, 
Piute, like running water?" "I guess it's a wave sounding 
against the rocks," replied Piute. A few minutes afterwards he 
said, "How nice a fellow feels after he has been in the water ! Pm 
going in every day." 

'Tis difficult, within our limits to relate all that Piute's trip em- 
braced. Spot can give you full account of Piute's connection with 
the young lady from Bowdoin. Piute and Spot swore that they 
would never give each other away. Spot could only stay half a 
day when he came, but he managed to exist for two weeks. The 
following was Spot's method of killing time : Get up in the morn- 
ing, go outside of the tent, wave towel towards the hotel, eat 
breakfast, look through Piute's spy-glass at the "Aggie," walk 
over to the hotel, stay till dinner, return to camp, after dinner go 
in bathing with the young ladies, after supper go back to hotel, 
take young ladies out walking, come back to hotel and sit on pi- 
azza till midnight, return to camp, taking an armful of wood from 
a neighboring wood pile, eat half a pot of beans, drive off mos- 
quitos, quiet Piute, then sleep and dream of the young ladies. 
This was the way in which Spot enjoyed himself. 

One day we had a dinner party at the camp. Piute carved the 
chowder, helping himself first. Spot lay down on the ground 
beside the doctor's daughter, too happy to feel any desire for food. 
After dinner we went out on the rocks to see the sun set and watch 
the moon rise. Spot kept busy warming the young ladies' hands 
and holding them on to the rocks, lest they should blow awav. 
3 



14 SENIOR HISTORY 

This cold hands business was an invention of a distant relative of 
our late President. The way it was managed was as follows. She 
would say, "How cold it is at the beach, Mr. Danforth, my hands are 
almost numb." Spot would take them in his own warm palms and 
actually, by Piute's watch, it would take an hour and forty min- 
utes to restore them to their normal warmth. The said young 
lady was so overcome by the cold later in the evening, that she 
fainted in Spot's arms, and he had to carry her insensible form a 
mile and a half to the hotel. Spot was so tired he would stop ev- 
ery few minutes and try to restore his fair burden to conscious- 
ness. Just as they had almost reached the hotel her father came 
in search of her. " Spot ar'n't you sorry ?" she whispered. 
The day came at last when Spot really decided that he must leave. 
Every lady at the hotel Avas on the piazza to see him off He 
bade them all an affectionate farewell, warmed all the cold hands 
in the party and started, leaving the crowd in a dissolving state. 
After dinner, they were all on the piazza, disconsolate and sad. 
The young ladies wore thick mittens on their hands and the old 
ladies had their muff's in full play. No sound was heard save now 
and then a stifled sigh. Now and then glancing down the road, 
by which Spot had taken his departure. Suddenly the whole 
crowd started, en masse, exclaiming, " joy, 'tis Spot!" Sure 
enough it was Spot in propria persona. When only three miles 
from York, his courage failed and he started and ran back. There 
was a grand amateur concert, given in Spot's honor, that night, 
in the hotel parlors. Spot sang by request " don't be sorrowful 
darling," and Piute gave a short(?) and interesting " ramble " on 
his "trip " out West, concluding with the thrilling description of 
" How I found the buffalo's skull, two hundred miles beyond civ- 
ilization." The next morning those who survived left for their 
homes. 

Sut, Jonie and Grip, camped out " at the pond." Grip says 
that every morning they complained that his griddle-cakes were 
the size of a twenty cent piece ; at noon they grew to the size 
of a tea plate ; at supper they swore they measured one yard in 
diameter and yet Grip swears that he put the same amount of 
material into them each meal. For a long time, this optical delu- 
sion troubled Grip and he determined to ferret out the mystery. 
All his attempts were fruitless, until he heard Ed Jones say in his 



OF EIGHTY. 15 

sleep, one night, "Sut; Iv'e only had five glasses of birch and six 
of spruce to-day. What happened in their camp, I do not know, 
only that Grip rose each morning at four, and while Jonie and 
Sut were sleeping off the effect of the previous evening's "call " 
on the hotel, he would prepare breakfast, which was usually ready 
about eleven. Grip used to say " no use hurrying, I've got the 
whole summer before me." 

The summer over our thoughts naturally turn towards Hano- 
ver, and a longing feeling crept into the hearts of some of the 
class, especially Dustan and Skipper, to begin to wear their 
Senior dignity. Fred Ripley put in an appearance about a week 
ahead of time, but left the next morning after his arrival and no 
one saw him till the day the term opened. He said he had been 
visiting Sooner. Chas. Cogswell followed Freddie to Hanover in 
two days. He told the doctor that he must be here at least five 
days before the beginning of the term, because his room should 
be in order so as to commence his studies promptly. Now Charles 
labored hard during Commencement week and before he went 
home his room was all ready for occupancy. I don't want to cor- 
ner Charles in a lie, but when he explained to me that he came 
back because he thought Fred would be lonesome, I told him that 
even Sut would not do that for Strout. Mitchell came the first 
of August, to take medical lectures. He is a young man one can 
trust anywhere ; so when Chuck went to Saratoga to attend the 
scientific meeting, he asked Mitch to stay at his house nights. 
Mitch very kindly consented and volunteered to take the Prof's 
class in physics, or to do anything else to oblige him. 

Dustan and Skip arrived during the w T eek, anxious for the term 
to open. Skip kept thinking of Norwich, and longed to cross 
over the river to make his first Senior call. 

At last the eventful day dawned when '80 was to occupy the 
Senior seats for the first time. Pike rose early and curled bis 
mustache in honor of the event. Sam King got up, looked at the 
clock and combed out his new beard, which got twisted every 
night. It was so long it always got buttoned into his night shirt. 
Dustan asked Pike if he looked like a Senior. Pike replied 
"Dont bother me, Dana, I am very busy." At last the chapel bell 
rang and the class assembled, thirty-four in all. Prexy informed 



16 SENIOR HISTORY 

Fred Cluff'that he need not play any more voluntaries as his music* 
had detracted from the solemnity of the chapel exercises, the pre- 
vious year. This was a sore disappointment to Freddie, who had 
practiced Pinafore all summer, in order to astonish the Freshmen. 
Dickey, for a wonder, was present and in his seat before the bell 
ceased ringing. Hiram was there also, and occupied the front 
seat nearest the faculty. He surveyed the Freshmen with the air 
of a college president of fifty years ago. Just behind Hiram sat 
Nibs, who evidently heard something to displease him, for he left 
town immediately for the beach, and has not been seen since. 
Jack and Bobby cut and went down to Carter's. Bobby said it 
made him thirsty to be a Senior. Jack said it affected him the 
same way. Billie Johnson was late, as usual, and Sturd also. Ba- 
laam did not put in an appearance for some six weeks, when he 
arrived, followed by the General, whose round, sleek countenance 
attested to the fact that he had not missed a meal while at the 
mountains. The studies assigned for the term were Psychology 
and Eng. Lit. The first Sunday was an era in the lives of some 
of the class. To sit up front, in the eyes of the whole congrega- 
tion, was a sensation wholly unknown to Dustan, Haywood and 
Tooth. Fred ClufT selected the longest voluntary in honor of the 
occasion. While the last stroke of the bell w r as dying awav, Tom 
Flint sailed up the main aisle, his best suit on, his cane under his 
arm, his hands encased in a new pair of light gloves — in one of 
which he carried his new plug, and that nonchalant air about him 
which he always assumes when he thinks he is attracting atten- 
tion. Hardly had the excitement incident upon Tom's arrival 
subsided, when in walked Mose, who shot up the aisle and drop- 
ped into the first empty seat he happened to find. After he had 
sufficiently recovered from his embarrassment he glanced around, 
when to his disgust he perceived the same odor he used to detest 
Freshman Fall when he boarded at Mrs. Cook's. Mose's lip 
curled with vexation and he glanced a little more carefully at his 
neighbors, then flushed crimson with rage. Just then the con- 
gregation rose for the first hymn and Mose beat a hasty retreat 
from the medics and seated himself with his own classmates, where 
he belonged. Since then he has never been late at church. 

Piute was determined to go to Montreal and looked about for 
a congenial crowd to accompany him. He selected Mose, Tom, 



OF EIGHTY. 17 

and Gill and off they went. They came back after a week's ab- 
sence, very demure and quiet. Piute said to me, "you need not 
think, Will Smith, that you can iind out anything about us, for 
you can't do it. We took a vow when we reached the Junction, 
that we would never reveal one jot or tittle of the sin and iniquity 
of the trip." Then in an undertone Piute added, " if I get the 
Chronicles I'll give you the whole business." They were quite 
willing to talk of the country they had passed through. Gill said 
the scenery on the Saint Lawrence, by moonlight, was the finest 
thing he had ever seen in the evening, except the Lebanon fire. 
Piute said he remained on the lower deck going down the river, 
and on the upper deck coming back, verbum sat sapienti. Piute 
went to bed early and when Mose came to retire he found Piute 
sound asleep in the lower berth. Mose shook him by the arm but 
Piute only murmured " Aren't you satisfied to let a fellow sleep ?" 
Mose and Piute went sight seeing together and did not see any- 
thing of Tom or Gill for twenty-four hours. Piute and Mose 
rode three hours and only paid the driver twenty-five cents. Their 
spending money was all gone. Coming home, Tom thought he 
would smuggle some cigars; so he bought a box and stuffed his 
pockets with them and managed to get them through without de- 
tection. When he reached home and found " Mac " had some 
better ones, a dollar a box cheaper, he woke the traditional sick 
man in Norwich with his swearing. After the return of the 
whole party their reticence troubled Hiram and Dickey exceed- 
ingly. When Jack and Bobby returned with such glowing ac- 
counts of their trip they both decided to try it for themselves. 
Accordingly they arranged to go during the athletic sports ; but 
time, tide and trains wait for no man. Hiram was ready at the 
appointed time, at the station, but no Dickey appeared; the rea- 
son was obvious. Dickey would have been ready if he had not 
gone through the kitchen on his way to the depot. Once there, 
he could not resist the temptation to kiss its occupants " good-' 
bye," which interesting operation took him so long that when he 
reached the campus he heard the train leaving the station ; so they 
took the next train and after a series of adventures which would 
fill a paper much larger than the one the Danville correspondent 
writes for, they reached Montreal. Going down the river they 

managed to secure partners and enjoyed the scenery very much 
4 



18 SENIOR HISTORY 

from the middle deck. I will not attempt to describe their move- 
ments in the city; suffice to say they visited all the places of in- 
terest, including photograph rooms and a few Episcopal churches, 
the latter that Hiram might get accustomed to the prayer book. 
On the way home they stopped over till night at Wells River. 
When the train came along they both staggered into the car, mak- 
ing considerable noise, Hiram, as usual, attempting to sing. They 
paused about midway of the car and Hiram, leaning on Dickey 
to steady himself, remarked, " damn near Hanover (hie) ain't we 
(hie) Dickey ?" " Wonder if Prexy will be glad to see us (hie)," 
said Dickey. " Tell you what, Hiram (hie), Prexy Bartlett is a 
damn nice old fellow, (hie). Just then Hiram looked down and 
saw a gentleman sitting directly opposite them, and eyeing them 
intently. " How do you do, Mr. Barrett," said Prexy, " is your 
grandmother better ?" and " good evening, Mr. Dickey, did you 
have good success at your temperance lecture ?" Grand finale. 

The athletic sports in the Fall, were enlivened by the great 
walking match between Chesley, Pete Dame, and Ed White. 
While the great match was going on, a little dirty on the 
Campus fence sings out, " There goes Pete Dame, Liz McCartyv's 
feller. I seen him walkin' wid her up Stump Lane." Chas. Cogs- 
well, as president of the D. A. A., tried his best to keep out of the 
contests, but the war horse u smelleth the battle afar off," and 
Chas. yielded to the seductions of the walking match. Chas. had 
acquired the most extraordinary gait that ever mortal man pos- 
sessed. After running the entire distance, he had the face to as- 
sert that his was the squarest heel-and-toe walk that had ever been 
exhibited on the Campus ; notwithstanding he lost the race, though 
he came in ten minutes ahead of the winner. About this time the 
class sat for their pictures. Bourdon was very patient with the 
fellows. Dana Dustan told Pike that *' he'd get a good picture, or 
he'd bust the focus." Dana sat eleven times. Fred Ripley had 
hard luck — he couldn't get any picture to suit him. He tried 
every neck-tie in his collection, but none of them harmonized with 
his complexion ; so an obliging friend made him an olive green 
one, which " took " wonderfully. He sat fourteen times and then 
gave up. Sam King's new beard troubled the artist so much that 
Sam had to shave it off. Gill told Bourdon that he did not desire 
to have a nattering picture, but one which would give indication 



OF EIGHTY. 19 

of future eminence. (As proof of the artist's ability to obey or- 
ders, I reter you to Gill's picture.) After several delays the class 
sat for the group. Sut rose in class meeting, and asked if the 
class would not wait till Strout's return from Boston, which the 
class voted to do. The class stag came off in Reed Hall; the mu- 
sic was very fine — when it could be heard. Hayward's cuspidore 
was thrown from the window to make room for all who wished 
to dance. On dit, Sam King gave himself dead away that night. 
How was it, Sam ? Eng. Lit. under Bully proved very interesting, 
— the original debates, more so. Jake was called up to speak, ex- 
tempore, on the moral effects of the drama. Jake arose, cleared 
his throat, thrust back his hair, and proceeded to give the class 
his ideas about indiscriminate leg displays. Jake's remarks 
evinced more knowledge of human nature than we had given him 
credit for. His peroration was exceedingly eloquent and showed 
that he had read Tal mage's sermons carefully. " I repeat it, sir, 
I do disprove of it; in fact I would never take any nice girl to 
such a disgraceful exhibition, neither my own sister, or any other 
gentleman's sister." Jake sat down amid a storm of applause, 
while Bully said, " Foster, I admire your earnestness and inno- 
cence." " Smith II.," said Bully, " Who do you think was the 
finest writer of the Pagan Renaissance ?" " Yes, sir," replies 
Smith II., blandly. Ripley is called up: has been out late the 
night before, and has not looked at his lesson. " What can you 
say of Fielding?" asks Bully. "He was the most moral writer 
of his century," says Fred, glibly. Bully is growing old, to be 
sure, but his intellect is not enfeebled to such an extent as to ad- 
mit of Herrick's continually refreshing his memory. Grip always 
sat next to the front seat, with an open newspaper before him, ap- 
parently reading, yet waiting his opportunity. Bully would make 
some statement, then down would go Herrick's paper and he 
would say, calmly, " I think, professor, that you are mistaken ; as 
I remember it, it is differently stated." Bully would glance at 
Herrick for a moment, then add, "Well, never mind, Herrick, I've 
seen it as I gave it for forty years." Ed White rose to tell what 
he knew about the Saxons. He managed to describe their char- 
acteristics, until he came to their temperature, then sat down un- 
ceremoniously. That was a " crowd " which occupied the east side 
of the recitation room. Thej tried to talk Bully down. He 



20 SENIOR HISTORY 

stood it as long as human nature could. No matter whether It 
was recitation or lecture, the same continual uproar was kept up. 
Finally, one morning, Bully stopped Will Pierce, who was recit- 
ing with chain-lightning rapidity, and taking off his glasses, looked 
soberly over to the corner where the " mob " was holding its ses- 
sion, and said, "I think some one over there has a good deal of 
belly-ache." Sam Perry looked round at the others with his usual 
display of innocence, while Pike blushed to the roots of his hair. 
Pike had indeed fallen among Philistines, for though Sam Perry 
'and Fred Ripley caused all the disturbance, Pike had to bear the 
odium of it. Sut found it quite a bore to be obliged to listen to 
such familiar stuff as Eng. Lit., so he used to borrow papers of 
Herrick, and read also. How long they would have kept it up, I 
can't say, had not Hiram imitated their example and brought some 
periodicals into the class. As soon as Herrick and Sut discovered 
this, they stopped reading immediately. 

Psychology offered a wide field for arguments and questions, 
pertinent and impertinent, wise and unwise, sensible and non- 
sensical. Sut thought he would ask a sticker, so he commenced 
and employed the word memory about twenty times, then ended 
up by saying, '* What do you think of such an instance, profes- 
sor ? " Peanuts waited a moment, then replied, " We can't afford 
to waste so much time, Sutcliffe." Sut wilted. Barrett then began 
" When I was a little boy at school, professor, I was given a lesson 
to learn, which was also given to a little girl; and though the lit- 
tle girl learned hers the best, I knew the most about it. Why 
was it, professor ? " " It would depend, Barrett," said Peanuts, 
as soon as the class had ceased to wood up, " whether you thought 
you knew the most about your lesson, or your teacher." Class 
start the plastering on the room below. " Stone," says Peanuts, 
" what is the instrument of the poetic imagination ? " " Lan- 
guage," replied Jim. " Very well, now tell me the instrument of 
painting and sculpture." " The brush," replied Jim, and subsides. 
Herrick had always admired Bobby's short hair ; in fact, the first 
three years Grip had been in college, he wore his long like " the 
G-aul," believing with Samson, that it was indicative of strength, 
and with Pollens, of intellectuality. When Bub had his cut, after 
his marriage, Grip went down to Amaral's and ordered his 
own clipped. He enters the Psychology recitation late, so he 



OF EIGHTY. 21 

takes a back seat, in the second division. Professor Noyes no- 
ticed him, and said to those who were standing round his desk, 
after recitation, " Who was that new man who sat in the end of 
the rear settee at my left, this morning?" We name all the fel- 
lows, including Grip. Prof. Noyes says the individual he referred 
to, was none of those we had mentioned. At last he sees Herrick 
standing just outside the door, engaged in conversation, and ex- 
claims, "Why, that's the man I meant." "That's Herrick," all 
shout at once. " I declare," says Peanuts, " I was never more 
surprised in my life, to think I did not know Mr. Herrick, whom 
I met when he first entered college." Grip was so delighted with 
the success of his short hair, that he has worn it in that condition 
ever since. 

Smith II. and Pike lead off in chapel speaking. Smith II.'s 
piece was a bid for the class poem. Pike was so overcome with 
modesty that he was obliged to stop in the midst of his most elo- 
quent period. Next week, Piute delivered, to the admiration of 
the Freshmen, that famous stage piece he went home from the 
beach to write, during the summer. Piute swears Fred Ripley is 
mistaken about finding the beginning of his oration in a book 
Fred had drawn from the library to copy his own out of. 

In the death of Prof. Proctor the class lost a true friend. For 
two years he had been our instructor. We had learned to appre- 
ciate his rare talents and gifted mind. Under his modest de- 
meanor we had recognized the strength and manliness of his 
character. As instructor, scholar, gentleman and christian, we 
honored him equally. With sad hearts we followed him to his 
last resting-place. Faithful unto death, 

" he ever wove 

The finer substance of a life to be." 

One day, Chas. Cogswell was passing the Gates House, when 

Dennis ran out, closely followed by a girl with a pail of hot water. 

Dennis disappeared around the corner of the house, and the irate 

female was oblige to let her anger and water cool at the same 

time. Chas. tried to recite all the fall on his general knowledge. 

He sat on "the Porch " every night till quite late, and did not look 

into his Eng. Lit. or Psychology for over six weeks. Some one 

heard him boasting of it and asked him the reason why. He said 

he was so much engaged with other business, he hadn't the time. 
5 



22 SENIOR HISTORY 

The first entertainment under the auspices of the class was 
Prof. Churchill's reading. Balaam was delegated by the commit- 
tee to meet him at the depot. Balaam drove to the station at the 
appointed time. When Prof. C. stepped from the car Balaam ap- 
proached him, touched his hat and said, " I am delegated by the 
lecture committee to represent the Senior class of Dartmouth Col- 
lege." " Pretty small class," said Prof. C, eyeing Balaam closely. 
" We number sixty-five, including the scientifics," answered Ba- 
laam, in that same dignified tone he employs when delivering the 
" three levelers." Balaam led the way to the carriage. They got 
in. Balaam grasped the reins, after the style of Dr. White, and 
off they went. " Are you used to horses," inquired Prof. C. 
"I've had considerable experience," replied Balaam, " I never 
walk when I can ride, it's against my principles," he added sen- 
tentiously. By this time they had crossed the bridge and com- 
menced the ascent of the hill. " Do you expect a large house to- 
night ?" inquired the Prof. " Yes, a tone one, all Tilden is com- 
ing up ; Jake said so," said Balaam. They were half way up the 
hill, when suddenly the horse stumbled and fell, breaking both 
shafts close off, and landing them both in the middle of the road. 
Prof. C. picked himself up, put on his glasses, and began to 
search for his grip sack. Having found it, he turned to Balaam 
and said, " if this is a specimen of your knowledge of horses I 
wonder you ever expected to get through college." Balaam be- 
gan, " well, you see, Prof., I — I — it was just like this; Jake" — 
" never mind," broke in Prof. C, "I'm going to work out the 
rest of my passage myself;" and immediately he started for the 
hotel, leaving Balaam to get back to the stable the best he could. 

The Quibeans held their first reunion the Wednesday night of 
athletics. After the formal literary exercises were over and the 
banquet (?) disposed of and toasts drank, they adjourned to the 
open air with the intention of serenading their friends. Just as 
they had reached the driveway leading into Mr. Hitchcock's 
grounds, they stopped suddenly as if they had seen an apparition. 
The moon was shining very brilliantly, but the Quibeans, in the 
shadow of the hedge, could see all that transpired on the avenue 
without being seen. The cause of their sudden halt was evident. 
Coming down the street, with slow and cautious step, was the fig- 
ure of a man carrying a peculiar shaped burden in his arms, 



OF EIGHTY. 23 

which in the moonlight most resembled a gate. The Quibeans, 
silent with awe, retreated farther into the hedge. At length cu- 
riosity gained the upper hand and they cautiously emerged from 
their hiding place and glanced again at the figure, which had 
crossed the street meanwhile and appeared to be coming straight 
toward them. As the man drew nearer they observed that he 
paused at the foot of a large tree directly opposite Prof. Noyes' 
house. He carefully rested his burden against the tree while he 
wiped the cold sweat from his brow, then with a quick glance 
around him he drew from beneath his coat a piece of rope and pro- 
ceeded to fasten it securely to the gate, then tying the other eud 
around his waist he slowly climbed the tree, and having reached 
the crotch drew the strange affair up after him and placed it in 
secure position. Having descended from the tree he gazed long 
and earnestly at the result of his labors. He next proceeded to 
execute around the tree a movement, half way between the Ad- 
miral's dance and Dick Deadeye's, chanting all the time a weird 
incantation. He next turned and came toward the hedsre. The 
Quibeans awaited in breathless suspense. When within five feet 
of the place where the}^ were all huddled together, he stopped, 
stooped down, and concealed the rope among the shrubbery. As 
he did so he was heard to mutter, " wouldn't I like to get hold of 
the gate Milton speaks of which flew open all of a sudden and on 
its hinges grate harsh thunder." As he passed under the lamp 
post a ray of moonlight illumined his countenance and the aston- 
ished Quibeans beheld, in the person of the gate fiend, no other 
than Freddy Cluff, alias " the Raven." Before the Quibeans 
could recover from their stupor, occasioned by this astounding 
discovery, the fiend had vanished. Next morning, on being con- 
fronted with his night's work, he simply said, " the Quibeans 
were drunk last night, because no one but a Quibean would have 
thought of putting a gate into a tree." After that night Freddy 
would go about town marking all the desirable gates with a piece 
of red chalk. In the evening, by the aid of his dark lantern, he 
removed them all. He tried to take away the cemetery gates but 
it was impossible. He talked of rooming in the Gates House for 
the sake of the name. He patronized Gates, the tailor, but finally 
hired a piano and played Gates Ajar till every one in Reed Hall 
knew "'twas whispered in Heaven one morning, that Freddy 



24 SENIOR HISTORY 

Cluff would never be allowed to enter, for fear he would steal the 
golden gates, and thus allow Piute and Sam Perry to get in be- 
fore the theft was discovered." It is an undisputed fact that " the 
Haven " stole Carpenter's gate, but who put the plow on Balch's 
doorstep, the pump on Kood's corner, the plank against the front 
door, and who tore up the " bridges," is an enigma unsolved. 
They certainly could not have followed the Quibean Orpheus. 

One day while Sut was walking slowly up street, he met a lady 
with her arms filled with bundles, standing on the sidewalk, try- 
ing to induce Young America at her side to wheel a baby car- 
riage. This the young man emphatically refused to do. Threats, 
promises and bribes were alike useless. She seemed utterly at a 
loss what to do under the trying circumstances. Now, Sut's gen- 
erous heart is the largest thing about him, and he yearned to 
"assist" the distressed lady. So he steps up, doffs his hat and 
says, " I beg your pardon, Madam, but I see you are in trouble. 
I am at your leisure; you speak and I obey." She looked him 
squarely in the eye and said, " Thank you, sir, you can assist me 
very much by wheeling the baby." Sut seized the handle of the 
carriage and the procession started, Young America following in 
the rear making faces at the whole party. Sut looked up and 
down the street, hoping that no one would see him in his new ca- 
pacity of nurse girl. The bare idea caused great drops of perspi- 
ration to stand out on his forehead. He kept thinking of the old 
saw, " the truest hero is he who can brave ridicule," and imagined 
himself a second Napoleon. Little conversation could be attemp- 
ted under such circumstances. The mother was anxious to reach 
home, Sut to get out of the scrape ; both were aware that the spec- 
tacle they presented was an extraordinary one from its extreme 
domesticity. At length, to Sut's inexpressible relief, they reached 
the gate and Sut gladly delivered the baby into the charge of the 
nurse, who came out to meet them. Sut bowed and left, the 
grateful mother heaping a shower of thanks upon him. As he 
walked up street he said to himself, " I ain't a real girl, anyway, 
which is one satisfaction." 

Fritz Garretson paid the class a flying visit and was entertained 
by Tom Flint, which accounts for the fact that Fritz was chinned 
by a Freshman "to pledge immediately," without looking around. 

Smith II began his lectures before the teachers' association of 



OF EIGHTY. 25 

Vermont early in the Fall and continued them during the entire 
Winter from time to time. The subject of his first address was, 
" Pure air as an aid to success in teaching." His next one was 
upon " The comparative merits of the ruler and the Bible as a 
means of introducing perfect discipline in the public schools." 
He took Pike along with him once, and. the latter assisted in his 
debate on the following question : " Which has the most delete- 
rious effect on the morals of the pupils in our schools, chewing 
gum or pitching pennies?" Smith has been so successful that he 
will repeat the entire course during the coming winter at St. 
Johnsbury, The next Sunday after Piute's return from Montreal, 
a little fellow in the congregation came home from church and 
said, " I don't want to go to church any more and sit next Mr. 
Pluto Fellows." On being asked the reason for his antipathy 
against Piute, he announced the fact that " Mr. Fellows has got 
bugs in his head, I saw them crawling down his neck." " From 
the mouths of babes, etc.," Piute. Another Sunday, the bells 
had ceased tolling and no Dickey had made his appear- 
ance. Pa waited for him, as usual, but he failed to come. After 
service, Hiram went round to hunt him up, thinking that per- 
chance he had " got left" again, saying u good bye," but Dickey 
was neither in his room, nor in the kitchen. As Hiram was 
about to leave he heard a faint cry for help, which appeared to 
come through the cellar window. Hiram looked in and shouted 
for Dickey. An answer came, " come down here Hiram, with a 
lantern." Hiram procured the article from the maid and descen- 
ded the cellar stairs. The locality was very familiar to him, he 
and Dickey had many a time gone down for cider, after midnight. 
When Hiram reached the cellar he saw, through the dark, the 
form of Dickey perched upon a large box and Freddie Chase on 
a large kerosene barrel. Hiram enquired what this strange 
scene meant. It seems that the Judffe came over before church 
to buy some of Dickey's apples and while they were engaged in 
the transaction Dickey happened to see a " black and white kit- 
ten" coming towards them. With a yell, he jumped upon the 
nearest box and Freddie leaped on the kerosene cask, overturning 
and extinguishing the candle in his haste. There they had sat 
two hours and a half, in Egyptian darkness, neither daring to 
move for fear of irritating the animal. They had shouted for 
6 



26 SENIOR HISTORY 

help till they were hoarse. When Hiram crossed the kitchen 
floor with his elephantine tread, Dickey recognized him and called 
to him, in the vain hope of being heard. Hiram held the lantern 
for them while they descended from their dizzy positions. Then 
all rushed up the stairs. This was the last time Dickey ever sold 
apples on Sunday. He swears that the poles were closed all the 
time that they were in the cellar. 

[Strout and Sut] were so much pleased with their musical ven- 
ture during the summer, that they longed to try their hand at the 
same business again. Accordingly, they hired the Boston Pina- 
fore Troupe, and advertised extensively. They sold three hundred 
tickets more than the hall would hold, and on the profits took 
Hebe and the first lady of the chorus out riding the next day. The 
girls were out on the Campus playing ball, when [Sut and Strout] 
drove up after them. Sut held the horses while Strout went across 
the street and coaxed the girls away. During the ride, Hebe gave 
Strout points on Pinafore, and showed him her arm. She had 
more muscle than he could boast of, while Sut's girl wore a shoe 
and o^love a size larger than he did. Strout's ardor was consid- 
erably dampened when she told him she was to be married the 
very next Sunday. Somehow or other the ride was not quite as 
satisfactory as they had anticipated. 

When the D. K. E. Convention was here, Jake, Piute, and Ba- 
laam, were very happy the entire week. The morning after the 
banquet, at the Junction, Herrick was the toughest looking fellow 
in the class, out of sympathy for Skip. Speaking of sympa- 
thy, some one asked me if my lips were chapped, because I 
roomed with Fred Ripley, who went down to call so often. 

In one of the class meetings Dennis arose and informed the 
class that " if they thought he was going to be entrapped into any 
plot, or enticed into any scheme, subterfuge, coalition, or mesalli- 
ance, they were much mistaken," then sat down, to allow King to 
rise on a point of honor. 

When Dr. Ordronaux came here to begin his usual lectures, 
Barrett called upon him, introduced himself as the managing ed- 
itor of The Dartmouth, and offered to show the Dr. around town, 
introduce him to the best people of the place, and go surety as to 
his respectability. He took the Dr. to the Christian Fraternity 
the first Saturday night after he arrived. The Fraternity was then 



OF EIGHTY. 27 

" slow," as Barrett and Dickey styled it. Barrett confided to the 
Dr. that he had a scheme in his head to revolutionize the Frater- 
nity, and infuse new life and vigor into it. The Dr. thanked Hi- 
ram for his confidence and kind patronage, and then made a note 
of Hiram's condition, to be introduced into the lecture he was 
then writing on peculiar types of insanity among modern editors 
and newspaper men. Ripley, Barrett, Sooner, Hay ward, Freddie 
ClufF, and a few others, attended a clinic at the Medical College. 
On the way up to the building, Hayward said to Freddie ClufF, 
" You and Smith better not go in, for you have not the courage 
to witness an amputation ; it takes a man who is on Commence- 
ment to stand such things." We did not consider it worth while 
to argue with Hayward. As soon as we enter the room, Freddie 
ClufF takes a seat near an open window. The patient is brought 
in, the ether is administered, and Freddie duff turns deadly pale 
and hurriedly says, " I declare, I have got to give a music lesson 
this hour, and never thought of it till just now ! " So up he starts 
and disappears through the door. The operation is begun ; we 
turn and see Fred Ripley, Hiram, and Hayward, with faces white 
as the dead, holding on to each other for support. If Hiram is 
so affected by an amputation, what must it be when he attends an 
execution ? Hayward stood it as long as possible, then he remem- 
bered that he had not had his " half hour for meditation," 
so he departed after the style of Freddie Cluff. Barrett and Rip- 
ley said they enjoyed (?) it very much. Sooner viewed the whole 
affair with the keenest relish. When the amputation was over, 
Dr. Conner passed the limb through the audience, on a tray. He 
then offered it to Mitch, who wanted it awfully, to examine at his 
leisure, under the microscope ; but he could not get a jar large 
enough to hold it, so he contented himself with a few choice bits. 
Spot Danforth dressed himself in his best and started out one 
afternoon to call on Miss B. As he ascended the steps there 
stood a young lady just about to ring the bell. Spot gallantly 
steps forward and relieves her. Both enter at the same time. 
Both are ushered into the parlor, the servant announces that the 
young lady will not be ready to see them for ten minutes and de- 
parts, closing the door after her and leaving them alone. Spot 
had never been introduced to the young lady though he had been 
trying for a year. Spot's experience at the beach had made him 



28 SENIOR HISTORY 

bold, so he entertains her by describing the boxing match between 
Willie Pierce and Pete. Spot grows excited and leaves the piano 
stool on which he had seated himself, and in attempting to show 
how Willie Pierce's long arms struck out at Pete, gradually en- 
circles the young lady, who in trying to retreat from Spot had re- 
tired into the corner. The mistress of the house accompanied by 
her daughter now enter, at this interesting stage of the proceed- 
ings, and stand amazed to see the dignified Mr. Danforth in such 
positions, especially when, to their knowledge, he had never met 
the young lady before. Spot stammers and tries to explain, but 
the lady of the house quietly adds, "no explanations are necessary, 
Mr. Danforth, your intentions were only too evident." 

One night Tom Flint, tired of copying essays, walked over to 
Gill's room to make a few insertions with California Jack. After 
playing a short time Gill offered him a cigar. Tom smoked a 
few minutes and then began to feel a little queer. The cards 
swam before his eyes, the pictures on the walls began to move, 
and Tom, dropping the cards, said, "guess I wont smoke the 
damn thing, Gillie, for its cracked and wont draw." Gill jumped 
up, helped Tom to the sofa, got him some water and fanned him 
for a while. Mose, meantine, was in the bedroom trying to put 
himself outside of a pillow to choke his laughter. 

A second entertainment in the lecture course was given Nov. 
14, by Sunset Cox, on the " Poetry of Mechanism." The lecture 
was much more pleasing and drew a larger house than the base 
ball concert, notwithstanding the talent was all from Worcester. 

Sam King went over to examine the books in Prof. Proctor's 
library. He took up a large volume on Midwifrey, and asked 
Chuck the price ; then seeing the blank come over Chuck's face, 
Sam gasped out, " I dont mean that number at all, Prof., indeed 
I dont. I mean the price of this Hebrew Bible," and then Sam 
sank down in a corner and glanced over Crabbe's synonyms, hold- 
ing it upside down, and not noticing his error. Mose saw Hay- 
ward take pains to look over one of the fellow's shoulders, so he 
moved up " to see the whole business." The work was one on a 
delicate subject ( at least, regard for Sam King's family would 
prevent me from mentioning the name.) The fellow who held the 
book kept on reading, when suddenly Hayward broke in and said, 
" Hurry up, I'm quite desirous of seeing the pictures you were 



OF EIGHTY. 29 

looking at a few minutes ago ! " We turned to some of the most 
interesting. Hayward gazed long and earnestly. "I declare, 
Troisieme, I did not think this of you. Let me see the number 
in order to ask Chuck the price, just to learn what a book like 
this is worth." Mose looked at him a moment and said, " You 
are nearer heaven, today, Hayward, than you ever were before." 
Hayward's eyes filled with tears and turning away he said, " It is 
very hard to have one's motives misconstrued." 

When [Sut and Strout] had their party, Kittie helped them 
freeze the ice cream. Sut and Kittie struck up quite an intimacy. 
Sut haunted the kitchen constantly ; he used to take his Taine 
and Psychology out there and sit and study beside her ironing 
table. Finally Miss McMurphy informed him that she rented him 
two rooms ; if he wished any more he must pay for them ; as for 
her kitchen, that was already engaged. Sut did not take the hint, 
so she told him at last if he did not keep out of the kitchen she 
would speak to the faculty. Sut reluctantly moved back into his 
study. 

Either Jake's debate on the moral effects of the drama aroused 
the curiosity of Chas. Gill and Dickey, or the evident desire to be 
tough possessed them, for they all went to Boston to witness the 
Black Crook. They came back delighted, and if Jake should at- 
tempt to repeat his debate there is danger of his being " all tore 
out." 

As Thanksgiving approached, our pedagogues began to depart. 

Jake taught at Chelsea, Vt., Grip and Skipper at Walpole, Sam 
Perry at Bedford, Dickey at Danville, Dustan at South Royalston, 
Spot at Rollinsford, Jonie at Claremont and Pike at Dublin. 

The Wednesday morning before Thanksgiving, Prexy requested 
the entire college to assist the choir in singing " America." Ed 
White's deep, rich, sonorous base was heard above the treble of 
the Freshmen, while clear as a flute, above all, rang out in mel- 
low sweetness, like crystal water trickling over pearly pebbles, 
Kit's powerful tenor. 

Many of the class who remained in town thanksgiving day 
were handsomely entertained by different members of the faculty 
in their hospitable homes. Piute went " up river " on one of his 
weakly trips and on his return reported the usual good time. Ed 
White went over the hills and far away. Jim Stone took Sam 
7 



30 SENIOR HISTORY 

King home to Dumbarton with him. Sam wanted to see Man- 
chester, so Jim harnessed up the mule and they drove down to 
the city. Sam viewed the public buildings, drank from the pub- 
lic fountains, examined the soldiers' monument, saw " the two 
policemen " meet in front of Sam Perry's father's store and, as 
the day was not very cold, they sat down on one of the benches 
in the square and eat their dinner. They hitched the mule to the 
fence and fed it with oats. After dinner they rode by the high 
school for two hours before they discovered it was vacation. 
Then Jim proposed that they should drive down by the mills and 
see some of the " dizzy " factory girls he had heard of but never (?) 
seen. Jim made Sam promise that he would not give him away 
when they reached home. They rode up and down Canal street 
for some time, but the cars frightened the mule so badly that 
they had to leave. Sam says he doesn't wonder the Manchester 
boys are so tough for he has looked upon many things in a differ- 
ent light since his return from the city. 

The " boxing " fever broke out extensively about this time. 
Charles and Tom had some terrific contests up in Quibes. Black 
eyes and swollen noses were very common. Piute said " if the 
damn fools wanted to spend their money learning how to pound 
each other black and blue they might, he should save his to spend 
in Boston." [Sut and S trout] were infected with the epidemic. 
They purchased some gloves and took a course of lessons. Strout 
was afraid to box with Sut, so the latter would commence and 
talk class day with him until begot him mad, then they would 
put on the gloves and proceed to knock each other down. 

The class finished Eng. Lit. and Psychology and took up Logic 
and Geology for the rest of the term. Fred Ripley tried to read 
some other fellow's abstracts in Logic but the writing was too much 
for him and Fred made a dead flunk of it. One morning Sturd 
entered the Geological room and proceeded to place Type's chair 
upon his table. He turned round and saw Type standing before 
the stove. Type grinned ; Sturd blushed way down to his boots, 
muttering " what a dam fool I am." Mort, after having had a 
" night sweat " conies to recitation looking rather sleepy. Type 
calls him up and tells him to describe denudation and to name 
his agents. Mort is so shocked that his hair stands on end, when 
he hears Type say denudation. Mort is very easily shocked. 



OF EIGHTY. 31 

Will Pierce made his debut and maiden speech bj introducing 
Miss Sanborn, who lectured to the class at their request, and in re- 
turn for his kindness was included among the " Pets of Noted 
Persons." 

The third and last entertainment in the lecture course, was a 
lecture by Prof. Bartlett, upon Florence ; a scholarly production 
effectively delivered. Essay occupied the attention of the ma- 
jority of the class till the close of the term, when nearly all de- 
parted to their homes and firesides. Barrett and Strout remained 
into the vacation to complete theirs. Barrett helped Dennis make 
arrangements for his Great Anthracite Coal Bed. Mitchell was 
appointed instructor in Microscopy, on the medical faculty, and 
remained in town the entire vacation. He gave delicious lunches 
a la fourchette every noon in his room. Mitchell's class numbered 
eight. His instruction was in the form of lectures ; his mode of 
proceedure was certainly unique. He began his lectures with this 
little speech : " Chuck is my Johnson, I am his Boswell ; Chuck 
knows everything, I know something ; Chuck likes me, I like 
Chuck ; Chuck doesn't allow whispering in the class, I don't al- 
low whispering; Chuck has light hair, I have light hair ; Chuck 
has got a moustache, I have a moustache ; Chuck is an Alpha 
Delt, I am an Alpha Delt; Chuck demands strict attention to his 
lectures, I demand strict attention to mine ; I call Chuck profes- 
sor, you must call me professor ; I touch my hat to Chuck, you 
must touch your hat to me. Gentlemen, the first thing you must 
understand, is that you are not to forget yourselves, and remem- 
ber the vast difference between professor and student. With 
these preliminary remarks I will commence my lecture. I hope 
you all have your notebooks with you, to take down what I may 
say to you. You will find them very useful in the future. If you 
are in the position of instructor you will find them serviceable. 
Pew ever reach the exalted position of professor. Chuck and I 
are decided exceptions. Gentlemen, I repeat my last statement. 
Chuck is unlike every one else, he is egregious, so am I. Gen- 
tlemen, the object which I shall place under the lenses today is a 
portion of the fossil leg of a Polydeinochudontis Ichthyosaurus." 
The class went to their rooms wondering that Mitchell's one 
small head could carry all Chuck knew. 

Balaam came back at the end of the vacation without his trunk, 



32 SENIOR HISTORY 

and nothing was heard of it for two weeks. By that time he had 
recovered from the effects of his dissipation and remembered that 
he had neglected to check his trunk, and that it was in the hag- 
gage room at Lisbon Centre. 

Ripley came back before the term opened. On his way up, the 
train waited thirty minutes in Concord. Fred went up to the tel- 
egraph office and leaned upon the window sill. Soon a head 
popped up over the frosted glass in the the lower sash. Fred's 
heart goes thump against his ribs, up comes the head once more, 
— thump number two. Just then a. convenient friend came up ; 
Fred remembers said friend has lived in Concord; he eagerly en- 
quires if he " knows that piece " in the telegraph office. Friend 
happens to be acquainted, and consents to introduce Fred. They 
enter. Fred is dead gone — she caves at once. William E. Bar- 
rett, the gentleman from Claremont ( ? ) who has been in Concord 
on business, is meanwhile, standing like the Peri outside of Para- 
dise. He longs to enter, but dares not. What chance for any 
other fellow when Fred is around ? A wicked resolve creeps into 
Hiram's heart (?) ; he rushes up to the window, raps on the 
glass, hastily, and shouts " come, Ripley ! " Fred seizes his valise, 
forgets to say good-bye to the ruby lipped damsel, and rushes out. 
"Ar'n't you going on the next train?" enquires Hiram. "I 
wouldn't miss it for a thousand dollars," replied Fred ; " when is 
it going? Has it gone?" he continues eagerly. "It will go in 
about fifteen minutes," replied Hiram as he walked away, mut- 
tering, "That coup d'etat was worthy of Carrigan." A crowd of 
the fellows came back the same day. On the train Chesley sat 
and watched the other fellows play cards ; Chesley wouldn't play 
because his girl didn't approve of it. After a while, Chesley 
glanced slyly around to see if any one was looking at him, then 
drew from his pocket a well-worn copy of the " Wild Oats," and 
settled back in his seat, never glancing from the paper till we 
reached the Junction. I tell you, boys, Chesley is a deep one. 
Who would have believed Boston could have had such an utterly 
demoralizing effect upon Chesley's principles ? Going into his 
room to purchase a copy of Divine Gov. we observed on a table 
not far from where the books lay, two pictures of females in un- 
dress uniform, which surprised us exceedingly to find in such a 
fellow's room as Chesley's. We purchased the book and hurried 
away, though Pike staid all the forenoon. 



OF EIGHTY. 33 

The pedagogues began to return shortly after the terra opened. 
It took Sam a week to acclimate himself, and " get over his cold," 
before he came to recitations. Dustan went round smiling- and 
happy, informing every one he met that his scholars presented 
him with a nice writing desk, when his school closed. Geology 
and Divine Gov. engaged the attention of the class. In the lat- 
ter recitation, the class showed their bringing up. Hay ward and 
Barrett extinguished themselves asking questions. Piute was 
called up to define virtue and its attributes, after Mose had 
flunked, and he answered " Not made up." Will Pierce asked 
Prof. Noyes, " Is it right for me to get an excuse on the ground 
that my grandmother is sick, when in truth I want to go off and 
get drunk?" Peanuts replied, "I would advise you, Mr. Pierce, 
never to attempt an excuse under such circumstances." Barrett 
argued that liars are justified, some times; he stated his points with 
such earnestness that Peanuts told him if any case should come 
up, he hoped, if Barrett was the liar's advocate, such eloquence 
as he exhibited would be successful. In Hiram's attempts to gain 
an English Oration on Commencement, in place of his Political 
Disputation, by pleading his own case, Peauuts' hope was realized. 

" In Geology " Type sits up behind the desk with a pair of 

striped slippers on, his feet encased in white stockings. At his 
side a huge pair of rubber boots have stood, as Gill says, ever 
since the Glacial Epoch, when the ice tried to rub (-ber, ahem !) ev- 
ery thing out of existence. The recitation commences, Fred Rip- 
ley, Tom Flint, Strout, and Morton having ceased talking long 
enough to permit Type to call up the first man. Piute and Bil- 
lie Johnson compare notes over their adventures in Boston. Gil- 
lie keeps profoundly quiet, thinking up what jokes he can crack 
at dinner. John Ham behind the post with both feet elevated 
higher than his head, is heard enquiring where the lesson is. The 
recitation proceeds. Gill having finished the joke business com- 
mences to match pennies with Sut. Tom Flint, having read 
every newspaper in the room, amuses himself making a rubber 
barricade and then allowing Johnnie Ham to expectorate into his 
own rubbers, thinking they were some one's else. Fred Ripley 
now produces the toothpicks and proceeds to build a bonfire to the 
great delight of Freddie duff, who laughs and giggles like Twiss 
of long ago. Meanwhile, on the front seat in full view of Type, 
8 



34 SENIOR HISTORY 

sits Chas. Cogswell, doing his best to secure his ninety-six dol- 
lars' worth. Chas. looks up so pleadingly and innocently into 
Type's face, that the latter for a moment actually believes Chas. 
is listening attentively. Alas for Type's credulity. Chas. is try- 
ing to remember if he ever heard of any one's having the measles 
twice, and imagining that his symptoms are in full sympathy. 
Gill's emphatic assurance that he has had them himself four times 
does not help Chas.' case materially. Pierce is next called up; 
he clears his throat, then begins to recite word for word, para- 
graph for paragraph, page for page as it is in the book, pausing 
only to take breath then with redoubled zeal continues. Sesque- 
pedalian names of defunct fauna and flora now from his lips as 
easily as jokes from Gill's. After a while Type says " that will 
do, Mr. Pierce, choke it off," and William Hexameter sits down 
exhausted. Gaines is called. He rises with his usual modesty, 
he looks around the room, then plunges into his lesson head first. 
He hesitates, Hayward grins, Dennis trips and makes a wrong 
guess, Hayward doubles up with laughter, Dennis in despair 
flunks outright. Dennis turns toward Hayward and says, " How 
dare you sit there poking fun at me ? how dare } t ou laugh at my 
mistakes? If you ever dare so much as to smile at me again, Pll 
give you the worst licking you ever received in your life." After 
delivering the above, Dennis felt better, while Fred duff snickers 
out loud, w T hen Mose says " give the devil his due, Dennis." All 
this time Art Spring was writing literary articles for The Dart- 
mouth. Gill now assumes that innocent look which all have seen 
so many times upon his genial countenance, and which always 
precedes a joke. He looked confidingly in Type's face and asked 
"say, Prof., wouldn't the man who lived once in the glacial epoch 
be called an-ice man ?" Type fainted, but as he struck the floor 
hit the rubber boots, which brought him to immediately. Rip- 
ley, Sooner and Tom Flint leave their seats and stand near the 
stove, regardless of Type's feelings, talking away about taking 
optional chemistry. The clock now strikes nine. Type yells 
" take twenty pages in advance," then out rushes the crowd, Hay- 
ward leading the way, running for dear life for fear Dennis would 
catch him and give him that licking. 

One day during the winter vacation, while at home, we called 
on a friend. We rang the bell, and were ushered in by a trim 



OF EIGHTY. 35 

servant girl, whose rich brogue plainly proved her Irish descent. 
After a pleasant chat, Madam W. remarked that the fire in the 
grate needed replenishing, and rang for the servant to bring some 
coal. The same girl appeared, and after arranging the fire, began 
to brush the hearth. The conversation had turned on college 
matters, and incidentally we mentioned last year's prize roll. 
Suddenly a change came over the servant ; she became excited, 
dropped her brush, and turning to her mistress, said, " I ask yer 
pardon, but I know one of the college b'ys ye have just spoken 
of." Her mistress in surprise asked her what she meant. " Shure 
an' if ye's will allow me, I will get me album and show ye and 
the young gentleman that I spake the truth." Permission was re- 
fused, but we begged that she might be allowed to produce the 
album. Permission was given and she left the room. She soon 
returned carrying something carefully wrapped in red tissue pa- 
per. She removed the paper, and disclosed a gorgeous autograph 
album. With many blushes and bows she opened the book, and 
sure enough, in characters firm and decided, with all the cus- 
tomary flourishes and familiar waste of ink, we read the follow- 



ing 



Your Loving 

Art Spring. 

" When could you have ever seen him ? " we uttered in aston- 
ishment. " 0, we both waited on the tables at the mountains. 
Arthur and I kept company with each other. Arthur is a daisy 
bye, aint he ? " " Bridget, you can retire," said her mistress ; and 
Bridget, hugging her album to her heart, and humming softly to 
herself " Spring, spring, beautiful spring," left the room. Her 
mistress remarked to me, after the door had closed, " You certainly 
must have a peculiar class of young men at Dartmouth, if all are as 
liberal with their autographs and endearing epithets, as this Ar- 
thur Spring." We assured her that such was not the case ; that the 
General was a young man, who, in his sober senses would never 
think of doing any thing of the kind ; but he was accustomed to take 
something quite often, and when under the influence of liquor he 
was verv affectionate — often bestowing on all females who came 
in his way, the warmest and tenderest names. Our explanation 
was received and the matter was allowed to drop. When we took 



36 SENIOR HISTORY 

our departure the servant gave us a message for Arthur, which 
we will deliver to him in private. 

One of Jake Foster's big girls presented him with a pair of 
high-toned mittens. Jake put them on the first day after his re- 
turn and sailed across the street to call. Jake took them off to 
shake hands ; after talking some time Jake said in his gentle way 
" My dear Miss — excuse me, — I beg your pardon, — really — I — I 
— but then, did you know that your hands are dirty ?" 

With a smile she replied, " people who live in glass houses, — 
look at your own, Mr. Foster." In his embarrassment Jake 
glanced at his own, when to his horror he found they were the 
exact shade of his mittens and in shaking hands with his hostess 
he had crocked her's also. Poor Jake was decidedly crestfalleu. 
" Now, Mr. Foster, if you will, after you go to your room, pro- 
cure some alum water and wash your mittens, I will forgive you 
for what you have done," she replied. Jake, happy to get out of 
the scrape so cheaply brought his call to an abrupt termination 
and went home to wash his mittens. 

Piute and Art Spring went to the Junction. Full of beer they 
both started to come home. Piute was the driver. He gets into 
the sleigh with the reins crossed, does not notice his mistake. Ar- 
thur is too far gone to notice anything wrong. Piute starts the 
horse; he pulls oneway and the animal goes another. Piute 
swears at the stupid brute, who in response to the firm pull on one 
of the reins continues to go round in a circle. " I swear I should 
think this confounded beast had been drinking," says Piute, " what 
do you think of it general." " See that my grave's kept green, 
Essie dear," replies Arthur, elevated too far beyond the region of 
reins to catch the drift of Piute's question. Piute continues to 
pull on the reins, the horse to go round. " I swear I'm getting 
dizzy," says Piute. By snum, just look here, general, I'll be eter- 
nally and everlastingly cussed if somebody hasn't gone and cross- 
ed our reins, I swear, general ; he was no gentleman was he ?" 
By this time the beast had unwound himself and Piute started off 
at a great pace, muttering to the general — who with his hat on 
the back of his head, coat collar turned up, was munching a cigar, 
one end of which was in his mouth and the other in his eye, — as 
follows, " look not upon the cup general, there is snakes in it and 
all such things, better never touch it. Now I learned to like beer 



OF EIGHTY. 37 

when I was in St. Louis. You see, general , I arrived there Sat- 
urday night at about nine o'clock with only ten cents in my pock- 
et. 'Tis terrible to think, if dad's check had not been waiting for 
me what I should have done during Sunday. Beer, beer, every- 
where and not a drop to drink !" They reached Benton's Hill, 
the snow was gone, the mud was so thick they were obliged to 
walk ; they managed to get out after several futile attempts on 
the general's part. When the top of the hill was reached both 
had recovered their usual self-complacency, and ere they had ar- 
rived home were as if nothing had happened. 

Gilmore is awfully proud of Shattuck University, where he 
fitted for college. He is always talking of it. Has his diploma 
framed and hung in his study. 'Twas a very natural thing for 
him to desire his alma mater should learn of his whereabouts and 
condition at Dartmouth, so Gill wrote a letter for the little news- 
paper, which is published once in three months, at the school. 
The following is a synopsis of what the paper contained : " Shat- 
tuck is proud of her standing, proud of her faculty, proud of her 
students, proud of her alumni. Shattuck's alumni in years past 
have always reflected great honor upon her. They are still doing it. 
Her graduates are famous in the colleges they have entered all over 
the United States. Her sons are class leaders wherever they are. 
News has come from Dartmouth College ' situated at Hanover on a 
lofty eminence overlooking the Connecticut' to the effect that 
Frank Morton Gilmore has won fresh laurels for Shattuck. He 
is class leader of the senior class, has been appointed to deliver 
the introductory address upon class day, which is the highest 
honor conferred on any student at Dartmouth. He will deliver 
the valedictory upon commencement day and the address to the 
Christian Fraternity upon the evening of Baccalaureate Sunday. 
He has been elected president of the base ball association and 
contributed liberally to its support. Apropos of Mr. Gilmore's 
splendid scholarship, he has just written an essay upon the his- 
tory of a pebble found by the river side, near the bridge which 
spans the Connecticut at Hanover. This essay was pronounced 
by faculty and students as displaying great originality of thought, 
boldness of expression, and startling Geological information. 
Mr. Gilmore will probably have the honor of reading his won- 
derful production before the ~N. Y. Society for the extension of 
Geological discovery in the U. S. 
9 



38 SENIOR HISTORY 

'80 is quite a musical class. She boasts a glee club, and can 
furnish music for concerts and funerals at very short notice. 
Mort can teach better than he can sing, so he opened a class and 
advertised for pupils. None came, fie next began to take of 
Freddy Cluff upon the piano; he is still at it. Billie Johnson is 
really the only star singer we have, in his own estimation. One 
afternoon Billie shut himself in his room to learn the words to 
" the three chafers/' He swore if he didn't sing them correctly 
he would leave college. The club sang that night at the read- 
ing. Billie flunked dead. When Grill asked him next day which 
train he intended to take, Billie got mad and wouldn't speak to 
Gill for a week. 

Pike has a good knowledge of Greek and Latin but there are 
things about his own language of which he knows very little ; for 
instance, he spells his w T ords in the easiest and most convenient 
way. When he taught school last winter at Dublin he paid very 
little attention to the orthography of his pupils. When the 
committee came in at the close of the term, to examine the schol- 
ars, they published a report in the newspaper from which we quote: 
" We asked Mr. Pike to call out the class in spelling. The class 
was formed on the floor in a crooked and broken line. What 
could be expected of such? Just what followed — in pronouncing 
and spelling, an exhibition of blunders. The class had received 
little if any drill during the term. It is said Mr. Pike ranks next 
to the head of his class in college. He may be a good student 
but he is a very poor teacher. He began to hear the class recite 
in the middle of the line because not bein°* able to tell his left 
hand from his right, he did not know which was the head and 
which the foot." 

Billie Johnson wrote to the leader of the Medford Band con- 
cerning music for Class Day. He received the following answer : 

Boston, Feb'y 5th, 1880. 
W. P. Johnson : 

Dear Sir, — Your letter of Feb. 3rd seems to me indef- 
inite, I could estimate very quickly if you knew just what you 
wanted. I shall interpret your litter letterally. * * * * 

Yours Respect., 

Agent of the Medford Band. 



OF EIGHTY. 39 

Rob Herrick taught at Walpole in district No. 13. Skipper 
taught in the same place, in No. 10. Rob was joked considerably 
about his height. A widow lady, who was too old to be danger- 
ous, said, "she could not help loving Mr. Herrick the first time 
she saw him, he was so sweet and pure looking." While Hay- 
ward was home he came over to visit Grip's school. Grip asked 
him to make a few remarks. He consented. He told the scholars 
it was their duty to study and to improve their opportunities ; 
that he had won the second place in his class by faithful applica- 
tion and constantly burning the midnight oil. Only his oil was 
all gas. 

One Sunday Skip invited Rob to walk over and hear the Rev. 
Mr. Allen preach. On the way over the} 7 passed the house of one 
of Skip's largest girls, who happened to be at the window and saw 
the gallant pair as they passed on the road to divine worship. 
" Why there goes Mr. Hubbard, my teacher," she said. " I won- 
der who that little fellow with him can be ? I think it is too bad 
in Mr. Hubbard to make him walk all the way, he ought to have 
hauled him on a sled ; I pity that little fellow I know he will be so 
tired." Just then her little cousin came up to the window and 
asked, " who that man was." " That's my teacher, Mr. Hub- 
bard," she replied. And " is that little fellow with him one of 
his scholars," continued the little fellow. " No," replied the big 
girl, thoughtfully, " it may be that Mr. Hubbard is married, 
though I never would have thought it, he looks so young." 

During his visit home Hay ward attended the festival of the 
Walpole Farmers' Club. He responded to the following toast : 
" The beauty of the law is frequently illustrated by the picture of 
a cow with one unfortunate client pulling fiercely at her horns, 
and his antagonist tugging equally hard at her tail, while the 
sleek lawyers milk busily at her well filled bag. As this is a far- 
mers' club, let us toast that cow." 

Sut got up a crowd to go over to Norwich to see " Happy Carl 
Wagner's Minstrels," but it was all a fraud. Not so the grand 
sugaring party which came off' March 12, under the direction of 
Smith II. and Dutton, assisted by the married women of the 
Congregational Church. Mose, Fred, Piute, Tom, [Sut and 
Strout] thought it their duty to go as bod} 7 guard for Skip and 
Dustan. Piute hid behind the collar of Fred Ripley's ulster and 



40 SENIOR HISTORY 

cheeked it in without paying any admission. Smith and Dutton 
did the square thing by the boys in the way of introduction. 
Fred was in his element. He had a srirl on either side of him 
and they fed him constantly with maple taffy, which Wid Jones 
had to pay for afterwards. Wid's girl kept winking at Fred, and 
the latter blushed crimson when Miss H. said to Wid Jones, " in- 
troduce me to Mr. Ripley, as I want to mash him." After a while 
they got away from this sappy neighborhood and found a seat in 
a corner apart from the others. Miss H. made him supremely 
happy by allowing him to hold her hand for fifteen minutes, while 
with the other she fed him with her own spoon. The hand that 
Fred held was so covered with sugar that he stuck to her closer 
than a brother. After a while she got tired of him because, (as 
she afterward explained to Skipper,) " he didn't say anything, and 
ate so much that my arm got tired in feeding him." Soon after 
they all trotted home, at Piute's suggestion, leaving Skipper and 
Dustan the entire field. Miss H. now bade Skip whisper in Dana's 
ear that " Miss M. from White river was really dying for an in- 
troudction to him." Dana blushed with delight and said, " she is 
probably struck with my good looks ; I should be happy to meet 
her." They were introduced. In less than fifteen minutes Dana's 
arm was round her waist and her head rested on his shoulder. 
But " all that's bright must fade " and Dana's bliss at last drew 
to an end. Dana wanted to see her home but she would not con- 
sent to walk five miles at that hour of the nio-ht for anv man. 
So Dana helped her into her team, arranged the robes around her 
form, and then away she went, leaving poor Dana in the moon- 
light. Meanwhile Skipper, whose girl was not able to be out, 
was flirting desperately with Miss H. Wid and Strout thought 
they would play a joke upon him, so they tossed up to see who 
should pay a little fellow to go up to Skip and ask him if Miss B. 
was in the room. Skip, who was doing his level best to make a 
good impression on Miss H., flushed with annoyance and bade the 
urchin tell those who sent him to go and investigate for them- 
selves. Coming home Dana and Skip compared notes. Dana 
waxed eloquent over his success, saying, " she was smashed on 
me the moment she saw me. I reciprocated. She thinks I'm 
awfully handsome; bet you five dollars neither you nor any other 
man in Dartmouth College could have put your arm about her as 



OF EIGHTY. 41 

I did. She's just boss. Skip I'm awful with the girls, they're all 
soft on Die." When Skip left him in front of Thornton's he was 
muttering to himself, 

" A long, long- kiss, a kiss of youth and love." 

[ Sut and Strout, ] next to each other, think more of a show 
than any thing else in the world. They were determined to get 
on the stage, somehow, so they organized the " Cushman Dra- 
matic Club ; " but it died a violent death. They were more suc- 
cessful with Pinafore. The company gave two public rehearsals 
in Hanover, during December, and were so well received that they 
decided to make the New England circuit in the spring. The trip 
was very successful. Crowded houses greeted them at every 
place. Strout profited by what the Boston Hebe told him, and 
played the part to perfection. My pen is not long enough to de- 
scribe that afternoon at Windsor, and how Billie Johnson, Mort, 
and Fred spent their time from 3 till 6, nor what made them 
late to supper. At Franklin, our sufferings were indescribable. 
Moore's Hotel will not be forgotten as long as there is any more 
Pinafore left in the country. If you want to get Billie Johnson 
mad, ask him why he didn't sleep that night as well as usual, and 
what made him get up and scratch around in the dark ? At Man- 
chester, Sam's " funeral flowers," through Fred Ripley's kindness, 
brought down the house. Since Freddie duffs return from 
Nashua, he has answered to the name of Richard Deadeye, K. M. 
A. He was sitting in the office of the hotel, waiting till it was 
time to go down to the Opera House ; the clerk approached him 
and said, " Some of the others went down to dress half an hour 
ago." " I know it," said Freddie. " How quick can you dress ? " 
continued the clerk, " it took the Ideal Deadeye an hour and 
a half!" 

At Dover, the summum bonum of the trip was realized. After 
the reception, Fred escorted a young lady home who lived two 
miles away from the hall. After leaving her on the door-steps of 
the paternal mansion, he started and wandered all over Dover, in 
search of Mr. C.'s residence, where he was visiting. After walk- 
ing for about an hour he met a young gentleman with two ladies, 
and approaching them, inquired the way to Mr. C.'s. The young 
gentleman, who proved to be no other than Mr. C.'s son, replied, 

" If you will accompany us a few blocks, I will show you where we 
10 



42 SENIOR HISTORY 

live." Fred accepted his invitation, relieved him of one of his 
companions, and finally reached his destination. The next time 
Fred invites a young lady to walk home, in a city he has never 
seen by daylight, he oifers to treat. Dover abounds in young 
ladies. They proved very entertaining to three or four members 
of the troupe. Day after day passed by, and still they lingered. 
Fred remained four days, then his linen gave out, and he was 
obliged to tear himself away. Sam and Chas. managed to miss 
every train for two days, then Sam's father telegraphed him to come 
home ; and Chas. Cogswell was obliged to meet some friends at 
Manchester. When the fellows all returned, and sent in their bills 
to the treasurer, the following was received : 
To Dart. Pinafore Co., Dr. 

For 8 shaves, @ 10c. - - $.80. 

For 8 shines, @ 10c. .... $.80. 



Total, - - - $1.60. 

Rec'd Pay't, 

F. W. Sturdivant. 
Gill determined to acquire by means of optionals what it would 
take four years to obtain in the regular course ; so he took up 
Op. Chemistry, Op. Physics, Op. Astrononry, Op. French, Op. 
Quaternions, besides his regular studies. It was a great disap- 
pointment that he could not enter the class in Optional German, 
but as there are only twenty-four hours in the day, he was pressed 
for time. Chas. Cogswell looked upon Gill's course of study with 
envious eyes. " Why should not I do as much as Gill ? " he said 
to himself. " I am as smart as he is, and my mark is higher." 
So he entered the Optional Chemistry, Op. French, Op. Quater- 
nions, and Op. Astronomy. He attended Chemistry for six weeks, 
French three times, Astronomy twice, Quaternions once ; — then 
gave them all up, and trained for Mott Haven. He trained 
a week, then stopped to write his Campus Oration. In the midst 
of his optionals, he canvassed the class for prize speaking, which 
he looked upon with airything but optional eyes. After a while 
he grew tired of attempting to go ahead of Gill, and contented 
himself with tw T o studies. Gill is optional mad ; everything about 
him is optional, even his disposition. He has lately been consid- 
ering the future under the optional system. It is optional with 



OF EIGHTY. 43 

him whether he enters the Thayer School, the School of Mines, 
the Harvard Law School, go into business with his brother in Bos- 
ton, raise stock with Piute out west, go to Europe, or get married. 

Gill rather pitch pennies than go to church, any time. He won 
the reputation of playing the longest and losing the most of any 
man in the class. One evening Barrett came up in Reed, and 
pitched pennies with him from 7 till 2 a. m. Mose retired at 12 
o'clock and they were still at it. They kept it up two hours more 
then Barrett, having drained Grill's pockets, left. He came up 
a^ain the next ni«:ht, hut found the door locked against him. 

When the class began Philology they thought they had a soft 
thing, but they soon found out their mistake. Jack ground them 
unmercifully. Occasionally there was a gleam of sunshine when 
Sut interrupted Jack with his loud wa-hoo-wah, and Ed White 
asked " the difference between the bow-wow theory and the ding- 
dong theory." Jack asked Pike to give one of the stops to the 
vocal chords. Pike replied, " the spinal column." In Constitu- 
tutional Law, Hiram puzzled Peanuts with his bigamy case, and 
Jim Stone raised an uproar by his reply when Prof. Noyes asked 
him, " how about that barrel of gin, Stone?" u Don't know," 
says Jim, who had been fooling with Spot in the corner and had 
not heard the question. In Political Economy, Barrett made 
Skipper very angry by speaking of Canada as a "God-forsaken 
country." Skipper said " nothing but blood would wipe out the 
insult," so he challenged Hiram to fight a duel, behind Dartmouth 
Hall, with boxing gloves. Hiram accepted but Grip interfered 
and the match has not yet come off. Mose went to Lebanon 
to see Mine. Rentz's Female Minstrels. He drove down alone 
and came back alone (?). Gill and Barrett, having quieted their 
consciences, rode down in the big team with the Freshmen, as 
every team in town was engaged. 

The Glee Club went to Franklin and Tilton in May. Freddie 
Cluff accompanied them. They did not stop at Moore's Hotel 
but at the Webster House. They retired early except Freddie. 
He had a great deal of trouble with the curtain in his room and 
sat up half the night trying " to pull that thing down." 

Warren French roomed at Dr. Frost's the entire year. Some- 
body asked him why he studied so hard and stayed in his room 
so much. He replied u mother will be pleased." When he had 



44 SENIOR HISTORY 

the diphtheria the servant girl used to bring his meals up to him. 
Every time she came up Warren used to ask her to look at his 
throat and see if it was any worse. Warren found it such fun 
that he kept it up till the doctor discharged her for taking his 
practice away from him. She was a married woman and told 
Warren he was so steady that he might have one of her daughters, 
if he wished. Warren's a much tougher fellow than one would 
think. 



OLLA P0DRIDA. 

Perry, SutclifFe, and Ripley have done credit to the class by 
their admirable services in behalf of base-ball. 

The Dartmouth has been an honor to the class, the college, and 
the editors. They have labored hard, and are justified in accept- 
ing the unanimous verdict that " The Dartmouth for 1880 is the 
best one ever issued." 

Piute has been in town only three weeks this term. He came, 
stayed a few days, then departed, taking his box of doughnuts 
with him. 

Gill's statistics are not given. He said he had no time to waste 
on such nonsense. " Something is rotten in the state of Denmark." 

Bub has assisted Sooner in the laboratory during the year. 

Armitage has been absent the larger portion of the year through 
sickness, but we are glad to say " He is better, now." 

Smith I. met with a severe accident during last summer 
which has confined him at home nearly all the year. With his 
accustomed pluck and perseverance, he has kept along with the 
class and will graduate with us. 



Classmates, as I glance around me, I see many gathered to 
hear this record read, but 

' ' One familiar face is missing, 
One well known form is gone." 

Our four years course was nearly finished. Death had never 
taken one of our number from us. We had hoped to graduate an 
unbroken class. Stacy, always a faithful student, left us to regain 



OF EIGHTY. 45 

among the hills of his native place, that strength which his exces- 
sive application to college work had greatly diminished. 
But, alas ! 

" He heard a voice we could not hear, 

He saw a hand we could not see, 

Which beckoned him away." 

Just about sunset, one beautiful evening in the early May, his 
spirit returned to its Maker. The following Sabbath a large num- 
ber of his classmates gathered at his home to pay their last tribute 
to his memory. As they stood in the little parlor and looked 
upon the dead face of him who had gone, they realized, as never 
before, how sacred was the bond which had united them. Their 
grief was deep and sincere, but how insignificant when compared 
with the anguish of that stricken family. Over the hills to the 
village church, they bore our classmate, where a favorite instruct- 
or's lips pronounced a fitting eulogy, and familiar voices chanted, 

" Thy will be done." 

Then the casket lid was closed forever, and we wended our way 

to the little church-yard, classmates' hands reverently bearing our 

dead. There we laid him tenderly in his last resting place, and 

sadly turned away. Who knows but 

" On that far off, that unseen shore, 
Shall we not meet as heretofore 
Some summer morning ? " 



The following are the statistics of the class : 

Whole number ever belonging to class, 68 ; from New Hamp- 
shire, 19; Vermont, 6; Massachusetts, 6 ; New York, 2; leach 
from Maine, California, Minn., P. Q., and Pennsylvania. En- 
tered with the class, 59 ; entered later, 7 ; number graduated with 
the class, 38; 17 have left college, of whom 3 are in '81; 1 in 
Harvard, '82 ; 1 in Bates, '80 ; 1 in Tufts. 7 are in business; 2 
are studying law ; 1 has been to sea ; 10 have resigned ; 1 has 
died. The class is 831 years old. The average age is 22. The 
oldest is 27, the youngest 19. The class weighs 5419 lbs. ; aver- 
age weight 146 lbs. The heaviest weighs 175, the lightest 120. 
The class stands 218 ft, 8" in. The tallest is 6 ft. 4 in., the short- 
est 5 ft. 2 in.; average height, 5 ft. 8 in. 22 are Congregationalists, 
5 Unitarians, 3 Methodists, 2 Universalists, 2 Episcopalians, 2 no 
denomination, 1 Seven Day Advent. 10 will study Medicine, 10 
Law, 5 Theology, 3 teach, 3 go into business, 3 undecided, 1 will 
11 



46 SENIOR HISTORY 

be a Missionary, 1 will " loaf." 28 do not use tobacco, 9 enjoy 
the weed. 21 have taught school during their course. 5 are " en- 
gaged," 2 want to be. 7 have no favorite study, 7 prefer Chemis- 
try, 3 Classics, 3 Mathematics, 2 Philosophy, 2 Constitutional Law,, 
1 Astronomy, 1 Human Nature, 1 Mankind, 1 Womankind, 1 
Greek, 1 Physiology, 1 Mechanics, 1 Biology, 1 History, 1 Physics,. 
1 Modern Languages. 20 prefer whist, 8 do not play cards, 3 pre- 
fer California Jack, 3 euchre, 1 old maid, 1 cribbage, 1 " sixty-six." 
The average size hat worn was 7 1-12, the average boot is 7, the 
largest 10, the smallest 3. The average size collar is 15, the aver- 
age size glove is 7. Six prefer to drink lager beer, 5 milk, 5 water, 
3 soda-water, 2 coffee, 2 wine, 1 Tom-and-Jerry, 1 iced-tea, 1 
whiskey, 1 claret, 1 Sherry cock-tail, 1 tea, 1 rum-punch, 1 sherry, 
1 port wine. Amount earned by class has been $7921.05. The 
largest amount earned, $680, smallest amount $1.00. 2 have 
earned nothing. Cost of college course to class $63,800. Great- 
est expense $4000, least $500 ; average expense $1724. 33 are re- 
publicans, 3 are democrats, 1 conservative. 18 of the class sup- 
port a " tash," 15 bear siders, 1 has a full beard. 33 are opposed 
to third term, 4 are in favor of it. 

Classmates, the history is finished; the task has been a pleasant 
one. No one is better aware of its imperfections than myself. 
" The fault is not in the material but in the cook." If anybody 
thinks that he has contributed too much to its pages let him re- 
member, 

" That fate ne'er wounds more deep the gen'rous heart, 
Than when a blockhead's insult points the dart." 

If any one considers that he has been slighted, let him remember 

" that half our knowledge 

We must snatch, not take." 

Classmates, we are soon to separate forever. Pleasant have 
been our associations with one another. Rich are the memories 
of college life. Sad will be the parting from our friends. Let 
us hope that the ties which have bound us to one another in the 
past will never weaken, but grow stronger and stronger with the 
advancing years. Fresh and green in our memories while life 
shall last be the name of 

'80, 



EXERCISES 



OF 



C LASS DAY, 



AT 



DARTMOUTH COLLEGE, 



Tuesday, June 22, 1880. 



HANOVER. 

PUBLISHED BY THE CLASS. 
l88o. 



MARSHAL : 

FREDERICK JEROME RIPLEY, 

NO. EASTON, MASS. 
CHORISTER : 

FRED ELMER CLUFF, 

HAVERHILL, MASS. 



Dartmouth Press, ffanover, A'. H. 



INTRODUCTORY ADDRESS. 



FRANK MORTON GILMORE, FARIBAULT, MINN. 



To me has been assigned the very pleasant duty of acting- 
as herald of this occasion. It calls for happy hearts and cheer- 
ful countenances. To-day we meet for almost the last time as a 
united, individual class, to celebrate these our festivities, this 
day ours to commemorate. Our work is now completed. Life's 
foundation has been laid. The tendrils which unite intimate 
companionship and long cherished friends, now quickly to be 
broken, render the past a subject of positive history. Hence- 
forth our paths in life diverge. It is entirely optional with each 
one as to what shall be his station in life, and well do we know 
our responsibilities. 

The past with its joys, its sorrows, its moments well spent, 
its moments wasted, is veiled forever more. We now pass to 
our scattered homes, each to pursue his chosen field in life's 
great work. For four short and happy years, we have toiled to- 
gether for mutual improvement. Our union has been a happy 
one. The enjoyments it has engendered, the social festivals it 
has yielded, we fain would dwell upon. To within a few weeks 
of this the gala day of our college life, we were an unbroken 
band. Death claimed for his first victim one whom we had 
learned to respect, to honor, to love. 

" He, the young and strong, who cherished 
Noble longings for the strife, 
By the way-side fell and perished, 
Weary with the march of life." 

In his native village, slowly and sadly along the gravel- 
ed walk, under the shadow of whispering pines, the precious 
casket was borne, and gently lowered into the open grave by the 
hands of classmates. With sorrowing hearts do we deplore the 



4 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

loss of a brother and classmate, yet we recall in pleasant mem- 
ory those bright promises of future eminence. His was no 
pretentious life. As a scholar he was a close and careful think- 
er ; as a friend, courteous and just. Let us follow his example. 
Let us emulate his virtues and keep green his memory. 

Alumni of Dartmouth College ; to you we extend our salu- 
tations on this occasion. Summoned here from the East, the 
South and the unbounded West, some to take part in the eulo- 
gies on the " illustrious dead," some to live over again the hap- 
py scenes of college life. We welcome you to these old college 
halls which render classic this beautiful spot, upon whose valleys 
rest the recollections of early life, around whose mountains 
cling the mighty memories of the past. You have been true' to 
old Dartmouth in her hour of adversity. Her want has been 
your affliction, her prosperity your delight. May you now seek 
your reward in that hour of prosperity. 

To the parents and friends of classmates present, we extend 
a cordial greeting. We welcome you with heart and hand to 
witness the closing scenes of college life. You who have watch- 
ed with patient longing and solicitude, after our welfare ; you 
who have been our encouragement, our counsel, our support, ac- 
cept this day our tribute. We welcome you here where the 
scenes of early life are laid, among these valleys which stretch 
in quiet between the rock-capped hills close to the mighty Con- 
necticut which rolls in majesty from endless time. 

The one scene left before me is Hanover and her citizens. 
It has been our pleasure to have lived among you for a short 
period, and to you is due in part that our home here has been a 
pleasant one, and for the many festal gatherings and social reun- 
ions in our behalf, we now tender you our gratitude, our affection. 
And in after years as we oft return, may we be as welcome to 
visit the scenes of early life, where foot steps have trod now 
numbered with the dust, as we this day take pleasure in welcom- 
ing you. 



ORATION :— THE HEROIC CHARACTER. 



DAVID JOHNSON FOSTER, PASSUMPSIC, VT. 



Heroism is omnipresent. Every age, every nation, every 
community has its hero, who possesses some distinctive char- 
acteristic. In ancient times the hero was distinguished by a 
strong, perfectly developed physique. In the Middle Ages he 
was the successful contestant in the tournament. In the social 
circles of England he has the longest list of titles affixed to the 
names of his ancestors. The hero of New York lives on Fifth 
Avenue. The hero of Wall street manipulates the largest amount 
of stocks and moneys. The hero of the gaming circles is he who 
in the course of six days can score the greatest number of laps, 
at a go-as-you-please gait. 

The hero has ever been the favorite character. Poets have 
sung his praises ; painters have exhibited him on the canvass ; 
sculptors have chiseled him in marble ; novelists have introduced 
hirn to every household and historians have awarded him the sun- 
niest niche in the museum of past deeds. 

Nor has he administered merelv to the aesthetic of man's 

J 

nature. He has ever been the most successful general who has 
most thoroughly convinced his army that it was composed of 
heroes. When Napoleon, on the plains of Egypt, pointed to the 
pyramids and told his soldiers that forty centuries looked down 
upon them, he knew that he could almost catch the echo of each 
soldier's murmur to himself, ik I am a hero." Statesmen and re- 
formers, in great crises, — when decisive steps were to be taken 
and important measures executed, — have ever gained followers 
and supporters by sending the cry for heroes to awaken with its. 
magnetic power the enthusiasm of the nation. 

Such is the prevalence of the heroic character. But whence 
come these undisputed prerogatives of the hero ? What is this 



6 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

heroism, so potent in its influence, so universal in its character ? 
In its broadest signification, heroism is the embodiment of an 
idea greater than self. One of the strongest 'and most subtle 
motives inherent in man's nature is his insatiate desire for some- 
thing superior to his present condition. The citizen seeks to 
gain more wealth, more influence, better social position ; the pol- 
itician would attain higher preferment in office ; the student 
would acquire broader culture ; the statesman would form a Uto- 
pian government ; while the Christian yearns for the millennium. 
Hence, in every condition of life, superiority, although subject to 
envy and malice, never fails to win respect and admiration. 
Genius, in whatever garb it appears, commands the multitude. 

Looking forward then to something better, higher than our- 
selves, we consciously or unconsciously form in our minds an 
ideal character and proceed to pronounce judgment not upon 
the intrinsic and absolute merits of individuals, but upon their 
relative worth as measured by their criterion. And he who pos- 
sesses in the highest degree those attributes ascribed to our ideal 
becomes our hero. 

The national hero is the embodiment of the highest ideas, 
sentiments and beliefs of the nation ; its representative man 
idealized. And so intimate is the relation between the nation 
and its hero that from the one we may portray the salient fea- 
tures of the other. In the Grecian hero we readily detect the 
representative of a strong, vigorous, liberty-loving people, who 
worshipped Nature in all her forms, — who filled the groves, the 
sea and the heavens with the creatures of their imagination and 
clothed the lightening with the vengeance of offended deity. 

As we read the marvelous record of by-gone heroes, the 
question naturally presents itself, by what peculiar attribute 
will our coming hero be distinguished ? I say our coming hero ; 
for, as the shaded plant endeavors to reach the light, so we are 
continually directing our attention to the light of future times. 
Moreover, it might appear questionable to some whether in the 
past we attained that condition necessary to the possession of a 
national hero. For in spite of the braggadocio of the typical 
yankee, we have hitherto presented a strange anomaly. Like 
the Voice in the Wilderness, we have cried to the nation : Lo ! 
we offer you freedom in place of your oppression, abundance 



ORATION. 7 

in place of your poverty, education in place of your ignorance, 
enlightenment in place of your superstition. Our plains are 
teeming with fertility ; our mountains are bursting with ore and 
precious metal ; our rivers and seas invite commerce. Come 
hither and build yourselves homes. Come hither and enrich 
yourselves from our endless store. Come hither and secure 
to yourselves and your posterity such advantages as have 
never been enjoyed under the governments of the past. 
And the sturdy Englishman, the good-natured Irishman, 
the versatile Frenchman, the plethoric German, nay, represen- 
tatives from all nations have heard the cry, and have flocked 
hither to enroll themselves under the Stars and Stripes. To 
harmonize and adjust these widely differing elements, to incor- 
porate them into one compact unity, possessing all the attributes 
of nationality, to reduce their vague and indefinite theories of 
liberty and free government to practical administration, — in 
short to construct a distinct and clearly defined national 
character, to develop a peculiar national life and genius, has 
been the task that has engrossed the attention of the past. 

But, asserting that we have at length accomplished this task, 
let us proceed to discover the distinguishing characteristic of our 
coming hero, not by any vain-glorious recital of past deeds, nor 
by any chimerical prophecy of things to come, but by catching 
as from a mirror the reflection of the nation. 

And it may be remarked first of all, that he will be pre- 
eminently heroic in character, — the sublimest form under which 
heroism can appear. He will teach men how to live, as the he- 
roes of former ages taught men how to die. His battle-fields 
will not be reddened with the blood of victims sacrificed to his 
fame. His victories will not be over serried ranks of bayonets. 
But in the sheer strength of his manhood he will step forth as 
the champion of purer morals, better modes of life, stricter 
rules of conduct. And the tidings of his victories, like the can- 
non's roar, will roll along from the Atlantic to the Pacific and 
the echo will be heard beyond the ocean with greater interest 
than were the results of Sebastopol or Waterloo. 

But the basis of his character will consist in his devotion to 
duty. Duty will strengthen his arm, quicken the powers of his 
mind and awaken the better emotions of his soul. You say at 



8 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

once that this is an old theme — and you say truly. There stands 
somewhere in Rome a work of statuary representing two Grecian 
wrestlers struggling for the mastery. As the visitor gazes upon 
them, — as he notes the poise of their bodies, the contorted fea- 
tures, the contracted sinews, the knotted muscles, the perspira- 
tion starting from their brows, he thinks that the next instant one 
or the other of them must be felled to the ground. But the visi- 
tor departs and returns to dust. Other visitors and other gen- 
erations come and go. Centuries roll by and are forgotten. 
While the wrestlers, struggling for the championship, suffer no 
visible change ; — the grim visage relaxes not, the hardened mus- 
cle yields not amid all the vicissitudes of the outer world. And 
much the same has been that struggle which some one has term- 
ed the conflict between Reason and Prejudice. Reason, at all 
times, contends that grand achievements are not the essential 
requisites to true greatness ; that Duty, the inner consciousness 
of right, whose vision extends from the beginning of Time to the 
beginning of Eternity, whose very essence is that divinest ele- 
ment of love, should ever be the paramount guide in action. 
Prejudice, on the other hand, affirms with equal persistency that 
self-aggrandizement, which lives in and for the present alone, 
furnishes, when modified to suit the circumstances of the times, 
a sufficient and proper guidance. The story of this conflict is 
indeed an old theme. Yet to-day from all parts of the civilized 
world come, like the low mutterings of a distant storm, tidings of 
the still existing struggle. History, however, has demonstrated 
again and again that the public estimation of real worth is often 
false ; that not infrequently it is impossible to calculate the far- 
reaching beneficence of acts at first comparatively fruitless ; that 
the unknown and unnoticed man, faithfully laboring at his bench, 
may win more lasting and better merited fame than his more il- 
lustrious contemporary. When Philip III. was enrolling under 
his order of the Golden Fleece all the .mighty potentates of 
Europe, the public were so blinded by the splendid and powerful 
array, as to ignore the very existence of certain begrimmed 
workmen toiling in a German workshop ; yet from that workshop, 
from the hands of those begrimmed workmen came the printing 
press, which has lived to see Philip III. and his order forgotten, 
which has revolutionized the whole world, as bv the throes of an 



ORATION. 9 

earthquake, which has done more than any other instrument of 
modern times to shape the destinies of nations, and which is 
destined to live on, increasing in power, extending the field of its 
influence till the end of time. 

But why do we predicate devotion to duty of our coming 
hero ? In the first place, it is a characteristic peculiar to the 
Anglo-Saxon race. While they dwelt amidst the woods and fens 
and snows of Germany, human and moral instincts gained an 
ascendency over them that has remained intact through all the 
changes of subsequent times. A certain earnestness, which 
leads them out of idle sentiments to nobler ones, has, in the 
midst of all the convulsions of European history, distinguished 
them from the more polished Latin races. And this, too, as an 
eminent French critic asserts, is the key to the secret of Eng- 
land's greatness. The influence of conscience has left its im- 
press on the constitution and statute book of the land. It has 
silently, though no less effectually, wrought out many a reforma- 
tion such as in other countries has been effected only by bloody 
revolution. It permeates the great mass of the nation's litera- 
ture, — that grand embodiment of a people's intellect and heart. 
Lord Nelson's immortal words, " England expects every man to 
do his duty," show how deeply rooted in the nation's life is this 
sentiment, which, within the last few weeks, has produced a 
change in the administration as marvelous as it was unex- 
pected. 

Furthermore, this characteristic is the all-redeeming qual- 
ity of the stern and uncompromising Puritans, who 'under its 
austere guidance, expatriated themselves, to found on a rugged 
coast, under a forbidding sky, in the midst of savage and treach- 
erous foes, a new nation, a new regime. What wonder, then, 
that the nation so founded should demand that its hero exhibit 
a kindred devotion to duty, as the insignia of his title ! 

Moreover, it is not unnatural to suppose that the age in 
which man has wrung from Nature her most hidden secrets, in 
which he has learned to scrutinize so carefully, to discriminate 
so sharply, to investigate so thoroughly, will come to eradicate 
the old demarcations and to point out, more critically than was 
ever done before, the line of individual conduct. In other words, 



16 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

self-knowledge must keep pace with our knowledge of the phys- 
ical world. — I am aware that there is a class of individuals who 
lead, if we may believe their story, lives truly heroic, but whose 
unhappy temperaments cause them a great deal of inconvenience. 
The effects of this unhappy temperament are various. At times 
it results in a most melancholy appearance : — the corners of the 
victim's mouth are drawn down, his brow is wrinkled, as though 
the weight of an Atlas rested on his mind, and there is such an 
air of utter despair about him that one would almost think that 
he was following his own funeral to the church yard. At other 
times, it assumes the form of »a hasty temper and the victim, on 
the slightest provocation, will fly into a passion and rave like a 
madman. Or again the victim is morose and saturnine and sours 
everything with his look. But however he may be affected, .upon 
again becoming rational, the burden of his lamentation is, The 
unhappy temperament I inherited from my ancestors ! My 
Grandmother used to be affected just as I am ! Now the fact 
that the sins of the father are visited upon the children even to 
the third and fourth generation, will not justify our saddling all 
the defects of our moral nature upon our progenitors. Nor do 
we display any especial virtue in merely acknowledging that our 
temperaments are faulty ; on the contrary, such acknowledg- 
ments, unless followed by the most strenuous efforts toward 
their correction, only aggravate the faults. If one is born with 
weak lungs or puny limbs, he is not left to become a helpless in- 
valid ; but nature is summoned to invigorate him with the warm 
sunlight : to feed and expand his lungs with fresh mountain air : 
to strengthen and develop his limbs by leading him through de- 
lightsome fields and forests and by introducing him to every 
manly sport, till he becomes, physically, as nearly as possible what 
his maker intended he should be. But our temperaments and 
sensibilities need to be trained and developed equally with our 
brains and bodies. How many of us have written in our books 
the two words " know thyself," without knowing what they mean. 
And what do they mean ? Discover your weaknesses and over- 
come them ; seek out your failings and avoid them ; consider 
your faults and correct them ; study your virtues and strengthen 
them. Hence the best years of our lives are devdted to the 
problem of ourselves. Men go to college to be educated and 



ORATION. I I 

are taught to know themselves. The result of the four years' 
work may be summed up in four sentences. It takes them the 
first year to learn that they are not geniuses. It takes them 
the second year to learn that they do not know so much more 
than their fathers. It takes them the third year to learn that 
they do not know more than the faculty. And it takes them the 
last year to learn that they know nothing at all. Future 
success and honor depend entirely upon the thoroughness 
of these acquisitions and the vigor with which the proper remedy 
is applied. 

I say that the times are demanding a more thorough self- 
scrutiny. They are beating down the false idea that duty re- 
quires a long face and a somber mien. Why, when we look 
about us and behold on every hand the suppressed anguish, the 
concealed grief, the patient suffering, the controlled passion, our 
own misfortunes and difficulties sink into nothingness ; and with 
Mark Taply we agree in saying that there is no credit in being 
cheerful in one condition. The only question is how can we be 
otherwise, when there is so much about us to attract and 
delight. 

Circumstances, moreover, were never so favorable for the 
detection of unscrupulous conduct in every sphere of life. The 
public was never more keenly alert to expose every species of 
iniquity ; to demand that the morals of the nation keep pace with 
the spread of intelligence, the advancement of learning. Day 
by day, we are reminded that, 

" New occasions teach new duties ; Time makes ancient good uncouth ; 
They must upward still and onward, who would keep abreast of Truth." 

Not that we are by any means immaculate. For there is 
too much to be condemned in our politics. There is too much 
charlatanism and falsehood pervading all classes and conditions 
of men. There is too much in our society that is nothing but 
sham, — founded not on money, but on credit ; sustained not by 
what men are, but by what they pretend to be; regulated not by 
what men know, but by what they pretend to know. The dis- 
tinguishing mark of the class composing this part of society is 
deceit. Their entire lives and souls seem wrapped up in decep- 
tion. They say to the world to-day, Behold our wealth, and to- 



12 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

morrow they will settle with their creditors for twenty-five cents 
on the dollar. With their dress, their rings and their finery, 
they say, How you must envy us, while their very homes are 
mortgaged for debts which they never can pay. They are de- 
ceitful in public with their suavity, their serene smile and smooth 
words. They are deceitful in private, where they practice decep- 
tion in order the better to sustain the role in public. They are 
deceitful in church, where they appear to bow in prayer, when, in 
reality they are estimating the cost per yard of their neighbor's 
dress. 

They are to be seen everywhere ; they invade even the 
magic confines of college walls. — During a call in my Junior 
year, my attention was called by the lady of the house to 
a fellow student who was passing, as being a " Delightful 
person." I examined with scrutinizing gaze the student who had 
won this enviable epithet. He was dressed with scrupulous care, 
in a suit of the most fashionable cut ; his boots were like ebony ; 
his linen rivalled the snow in its whiteness ; while his necktie, as 
the novelist would say, baffled description. At Commencement 
time I learned that this delightful person had left town without 
paying his washer-woman for her year's labor. And while he was 
proudly welcomed home by his mother from where she knew he 
was doing so well, this poor woman, who is wont to toil from 
morning till night to keep the gaunt wolf from the door, and 
who had contributed so much to render him the delightful per- 
son that he was, must be deprived through his injustice — shall I 
call it injustice ? must be deprived, I say, through him, of some 
slight comfort, or, it may be, of the very necessaries of life. 
But you say this is a small affair. Aye, for it is the smallness of 
the act that intensifies its meanness. And I speak of it here, 
simply because it affords an illustration of the thorough mean- 
ness that deception is capable of practicing. 

But the people who have accomplished so much in the past, 
whose ascendency is felt in the uttermost parts of the earth, are 
beginning to pierce through the hypocrisy and deception that 
stalk forth in their midst. They demand that their hero pro- 
claim in the face of the world : There is no skeleton in my 
closet \ but at home and abroad, in public and private, with 
friend and foe, " I am that which I am." 



ORATION. 13 

Must this hero possess courage ? Duty everywhere says : 

" ' Be bold ! be bold ! ' and everywhere ' be bold ; ' 
' Be not too bold ! ' Yet better the excess 
Than the defect ; better the more than less ; 
Better like Hector on the field to die, 
Than like a perfumed Paris turn and fly." 

Must he have self-trust ? Duty teaches that self-trust which, in 
the sublimity of its faith, says to the mountains, " Be ye re- 
moved," and expects them to obey without the intervention of 
superhuman power. " I can ! " said Hildebrand, an obscure 
monk in the eleventh century, and he invested the Church with 
a power the most formidable Europe ever saw. " I can ! " 
said Luther, when corruption and simony had crept into the 
sacred precincts of that church, and grasping the pillars, he 
shook the vast structure to its very foundation. 

Must he be obedient ? Duty, alone, can inspire that con- 
summate obedience which will even march into the jaws of 
death without a murmur. Read the soul-stirring inscription at 
Thermopylae : " O Stranger ! tell the Lacaedemonians that we lie 
here in obedience to their commands." 

Must he be patriotic ? Duty, alone, can animate the 
breast of man with that exalted patriotism which will sunder 
the ties of home and affection, forget the hopes and aspirations 
of the hour, endure hunger and thirst and suffer martyrdom 
rather than defeat. In our own land, a few years since, to how 
many a weeping household come the winged message, borne from 
the white lips of somebody's hero dying on the battle-fiield, 
" Tell my mother I died for my country ! " 

Sublime characteristic ! surpassing in its results the attain- 
ments of the ripest scholarship ; giving to man that satisfaction 
which the profoundest erudition can never afford ; exalting him to 
that eminence which transcendent genius, by itself, can never 
attain. Above the gentle murmur of domestic life, above the 
busy hum of the mill, above the ceaseless din of the business 
world, above the wild turmoil of politics, above the victories and 
defeats of professional life, we hear its voice. It comes to us 
from the mausoleums of those heroes whose names will be on 
the lips of men till time shall be no more. It comes to us from 



CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 1 4 

the noble millions in honor to whom no marble column rises, 
whose very names have fallen into oblivion, but whose history, 
unwritten though it be, speaks to us with a thousand tongues. 
It comes to us from the broad empire whose haughty capitals 
have long since crumbled into dust. And it will continue to be 
heard until the starry hosts of heaven shall have vanished into 
darkness, and the mighty King of Day shall have ceased to enter 
the purple chambers of the Morn, and Night and Chaos again 
shall have wrapped the Universe in their embrace. 



POEM. 



ROBERT PARKINSON HERRICK, MANCHESTER, N. H. 



When our father Eleazer from his distant home, 

Wandering northward through the forest dark with piney gloom 

Founded here within the desert,' trusting God alone, 

Schools of learning for the Indian and the whiteman's son, 

Little thought he how his children years and years to come 

Would each summer gathering hither celebrate his name. 

Little thought he how a College rising from this plain, 

Should upbuild the cause of learning and his simple faith sustain. 

Now, oh father Eleazer, we are come to-day, 

Ready soon to leave thy threshold for life's busy way ; 

But before we hasten world-ward we have gathered here 

To recount four pleasant seasons — full of hope, of life, of cheer. 

Welcome then to friends and kindred, welcome now to all, 

As thus seated round thy hearth-stone, we the past recall. 

Oh who'd not be a Freshman 
With merry laughing face, 
With life spread all before him 
And Time with lagging pace ? 

Four years now stretching onward 
Like endless vistas dim, 
And Seniors are a different race, 
A sort of Anakim. 

Oh who'd not be a Sophomore ! 
No longer Freshman he, 
For now he struts with hat and cane, 
A " College man," you see. 

In truth he's found out learning 
A simple thing to be, 
This world a race of children — 
A man of sense is he. 



CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

But now to be a Junior, 
Oh, who would that decline ? 
For he sits upon the fences 
To show his clothing fine. 

He smiles upon the Freshmen 
To see their childish sport ; 
He smiles on Til den maidens, 
According to report. 

But now to be a Senior 

Is better far than all ; 

To walk about with abstract gaze 

Or on Professors call. 

To meditate on " how," and " whence." 
To talk Philosophy, 
To trace the mind in all its thoughts 
Or boast Geology. 

So the quiet years roll o'er us, ere we are aware, 

And their joys and mutual labors are but memory's share : 

But these pictures never dimning in our older mind, 

Of our friendships, of our College, of Professors kind, 

Shall grow brighter without limit, till that future day, 

When we meet as staunch old fellows, wrinkled, bald and gray. 

Did you ever think of the wonders 
Amid which we pass our lives, 
The beautiful forms of creation 
Surpassing all man contrives ? 

See for a moment this flower, — 
The rose with its deep blushing red, 
Its leaves all aglow with their verdure 
Half hiding its beautiful head ; 

Do you know any artist I wonder, 
Whose colors so charmingly blend — 
The green with this deep blush of crimson, 
Whose forms so gracefully bend ? 

Do you know any chemist, but Nature, 
Whose skill can create such a rose, 
Or lend to each tissue its color 
And all of its atoms compose ? 



poem. 17 

We gaze at its beauty a moment, 
We catch but a single sweet breath, 
Then cast it away .to the breezes, 
To mix with the mouldering earth. 

Not all of the wisdom of ages 
To-morrow can bring back its shape, 
Nor the whole generation of Science 
Its figures so royally drape. 

The rose is to us but a symbol 
Of thousands — aye millions of things 
Whose forms are but thoughts of the Higher, 
Whose growth from the Infinite springs. 

The rose is to us but a symbol 
Of this mystical being in man; — - 
We only know it a present, 
Intangible, infinite plan. 

We see it look from its windows, 
And straight they are flooded with light, 
We hear it whisper its being 
Mid deepest of darkness of night. 

It bears like the rose in her beauty, 
The same ineffaceable mark 
Of infinite birthright, of wisdom 
Creative, a light thro' the dark. 

We hold this mystr'y immortal 
To-day in our human grasp ; 
Can we gaze on its being too fondiy, 
Its powers too reverently clasp ? 

If we cast it aside like the flower 
Its petals, too, fade in decay, 
And never again can be brightened 
To bloom as on yesterday. 

Oh mind, heart and soul, hid within us, 
Thou union combined of three, 
We'd hold thee still pure and unsullied, 
Sweet flower of eternity. 



1 8 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

Toll ye bells with mournful numbers ; one we miss to-day, 
One whose heart beat warm with ours, one whose pathway lay, 
Through the same bright hopes and visions in these future years, 
One whose soul was pure and manly, free from coward fears. 
Toll ye bells with solemn rythm — but his funeral knell 
Evermore shall rise and falter as our bosoms swell 
With fond memories of our classmate, dying to us here, , 

But forever living blessed in that higher sphere. 

Hail, thou Future sailing onward toward us waiting now, 

Long we've marked thy distant canvas, long thy nearing prow, 

Till at last we see thee riding, glorying in thy strength, 

Where we almost touch thy cables — where thy breadth and length 

Looming up before our vision, shut all else from view, 

And we breathless wait before thee, oh thou Future grandly true. 

What for us of joy thou bringest, what for us of pain, 

What for us of laughing pleasure, what of honest gain, 

All lies hidden in thy keeping — but we know full well 

That 'tis He who guides thee toward us, o'er life's heaving swell, 

Gives to each a royal measure both of life and hope : 

May we realize His promise in its broadest scope ! 



ADDRESS TO THE CLASS. 



WILLIAM PIERCE JOHNSON, LYNN, MASS. 



Classmates : — The long, happy dream is ended. For the 
past four years we have lived careless, blissful lives, spent in 
that pleasantest of all pursuits the acquirement of knowledge. 
Henceforth we must meet and conquer stern reality. No longer 
within the quiet walls of the gymnasium do we exercise our 
powers. We have now to struggle for fortune and position. Yet 
the future opens bright before us, our spirits are high, our ambi- 
tion exacting, and like a courser before the race, galled by our 
fetters we pant for the excitement of the contest. 

At the present day of unlimited research in unnumbered 
departments of effort, a man can only reach the highest round 
by undivided and unsparing attention to one subject. We must 
all be specialists or our life's stream, flowing in many channels, 
will lack that depth, and strength of current which alone can 
overbear the trials of life, and turn the wheel of prosperous 
Fortune. There can be no universality of knowledge and inter- 
est, if a man is to be master of a subject. 

Most of us have already chosen the special line in which to 
direct our energies during the remaining years of our lives. To 
us experience is but a name ; we have yet to learn its reality by 
contact with the many obstacles that will beset our path. Our 
personal experience then weighs for nothing, but what do we 
read upon the leaves of the Book of Time, in regard to this new 
field of action that stretches out before us. By what does it tell 
us that men will estimate our characters, and upon what our in- 
fluence upon society depend? On every page we' find the an- 
swer inscribed in clearest characters. " The amount of faithful 
work done ! " " What is he doing ? " comes the oft-repeated 
question of the present ; " What has he done ? " will cry the lips 



2 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

of posterity. By this standard we are judged on earth, by the 
same rule must we answer for our lives on the last Great Day. 

It is not what a man thinks, not what he says, but what he 
does that avails him anything. Action is the criterion by which 
man is held in the estimation of his fellows, and the men of mark 
in the world's history have not been those of superior talents 
merely, nor is it that they have been especially favored by Prov- 
idence, for men make circumstances, not circumstances men, but 
they have been those possessing emphatically and especially the 
quality of industry. Work in college is the principle element in 
the success of the student, work in after life of that of the 
alumnus ; and, indeed, that is what principally sets one man over 
another, a superiority in ability to work, and to work methodi- 
cally. Such a superiority education brings, making labor effect- 
ive, by giving it method. Liberal education brings then an ad- 
vantage, and by adding to culture industry, success is assured in 
any calling. We cannot all be geniuses, nor do the most san- 
guine among us expect it, but we can all improve our powers to 
the utmost, and we owe it to society, we owe it to our Creator, to 
labor continually and strenuously for this ideal. 

We have been preparing for such a course, have been learn- 
ing to work, and now, having reached the time anticipated so 
impatiently, we are eager to set sail from the friendly port that 
has sheltered us so long, and to embark upon life's untried, yet 
alluring sea. But amid all our eagerness, there come sad 
thoughts, thoughts overflowing with pleasant, tender memories, 
and the fever in our blood is cooled. We would fain linger and 
live over the days that are gone, and we are in the mood to find 
fault with Progress that she tears us from such scenes, for now 
that we must say the farewell words, we find a charm concealed 
before. The magnificent scenery, the time-honored halls, the old 
chapel, aye the chapel bell that has seemed so often a severe 
monitor, all hold a fond place in our hearts. Alas, we only best 
appreciate our friends when we must lose them ! 

Yet these are but senseless things, dear though they be, 
how shall I estimate, how speak of the human friendships, the 
love we have found in each other, how eulogize that wondrous 
tie, the class bond ? We have lived, recited, enjoyed together • 
for four years our hearts and minds have felt the same interest, 



ADDRESS TO THE CLASS. 2 1 

our paths gone side by side, and our life to-gether, crossed by 
few drawbacks, will always seem to us the happiest period in our 
existence. 

Our sorrow mars our enjoyment of these our last days to- 
gether, one mournful thought fills all our hearts — the part unfill- 
ed, the course pursued so faithfully and successfully, the life 
destined so soon to close, of our beloved Stacy, so recently 
among us, now among the Saints are fresh in our memories. On 
a beautiful day in May, that seemed most fit for one like him, 
we laid him away among the hills of his native village. Never- 
more shall we know the manly, vigorous form, the fine face, the 
genial address of our friend, nevermore on earth will the empty 
chair be filled, but his noble life, his true Christian character will 
live on in our hearts forever. 

" Nor blame we Death, because he bare 

The use of virtue out of earth ; 
We know transplanted human worth 

Will bloom to profit otherwhere." 

Let us strive to emulate his bright example that we may 
reap its bounteous reward ; an honest, earnest, faithful adherence 
to duty, a firm unselfish devoted purpose, these will lend beauty 
to our education, grace to our character, love to our memory. 

Classmates, while keeping the future and its demands con- 
tinually before us, one relationship of past will always claim our 
deepest attention, so that whatever be our position in after life, 
whatever of wealth, honor, or friends may be our lot, the blessed 
clay when heart met heart, and love followed friendship in the 
pleasant rivalry of college days, will ever hold a tender place in 
our thoughts, and the old class-tie will receive with each added 
benediction of Father Time, an hallowed reverence in our mem- 
ories, that will never be dimmed or obscured. 



ADDRESS TO THE PRESIDENT. 



THOS. FLINT, JR., SAN JUAN, CAL. 



Mr. President : — Our college course is all but completed. 
Ere twice the sun shall have sunk beneath yon Vermont hills, 
we shall have gone out forever from the sheltering care of Old 
Dartmouth. We are standing, as it were, upon the threshold of 
life. Behind us are our college days, containing so much that 
was pleasure, so much that was work. Before us is what ? God 
only knows. 

But before the door of the past is closed forever, before we 
launch our all upon the world's broad ocean, it were highly fit- 
ting that we express our thanks to you, sir, who have done so 
much to prepare us for life's voyage. 

Four years ago, as for the first time we stood in the presence 
of the President of Dartmouth College, another face than yours 
smiled upon us a welcome which we shall never forget. But he 
is gone, and in yonder cemetery methinks the birds sing their 
sweetest carols to his memory, and the whispering pines speak 
to one another of the noble life of him whose every thought was 
the good of others. His work was done. 

It is now three years since you were called upon to fill the 
highest position upon the college faculty. Three years of work 
for all, but three years, we trust, of profit, also. We have doubt- 
less done many things that would have been better undone ; we 
have made mistakes which greater experience would have pre- 
vented ; and we have not, perhaps, been so attentive to duty as 
we should have been ; but we trust, sir, that our sins of omission 
and commission, many though they be, may be regarded not as 
efforts to subvert the authority of the powers that be, but 
rather as the careless ebullitions of youth. 

There is for all a seed-time and harvest. We have just now 
completed the sowing. Some of the seed has, doubtless, fallen 



ADDRESS TO THE PRESIDENT. $$ 

upon rocky and shallow soil ; some we trust has fallen upon 
good ground. As the months and years roll by, as one after an- 
other the seeds of knowledge germinate and fructify, then, and 
not till then, will we know the character and amount of the har- 
vest. But this much may be said, that should the harvest be 
thistles or grain, the blame or praise is our own. Be the result 
what it may, from you, sir, and from our instructors, have we 
always received the best. For the patience, kindness, and en- 
couragement, invariably shown us, we sincerely and heartily 
thank you. 

We are about to step forth into the uncertainties and per- 
plexities of the busy world around us, as combatants on life's bat- 
tle-field. Here have we received our arms and armor ; here 
been taught the principles for which we should fight. May it be 
that the class of '80 never prove recreant to her trust ; may she 
ever bear aloft amid the din and conflict the sacred standard of 
honor and morality, and be faithful to the principles taught in 
her college days. And as the fatal asterisk appears before the 
name of one after another; as one by one we go down into the 
silent grave, whither one of us has so recently gone, may it be 
said of each one of us, as it was of him, that we we were an 
honor to our college and to its teachings. 

We now leave Dartmouth as so many have before us and as 
so many more will, we trust, in the future. The future of Dart- 
mouth — what is it to be ? Would that we could draw aside the 
veil and cast one glance into the mists beyond ; or that we pos- 
sessed the gift of prophecy and could read the future as we can 
the past. But why ? Do we not know that as time passes on 
our college will be as true to herself as she always has been, and 
that, God willing, she will increase in excellence and efficiency 
even more than she has done. 

But we must say farewell. To all to which we have become 
accustomed and endeared in the past four years, to our associa- 
tions and friendships, to the faculty, to the college, and to its 
president. And as we straggle back year after year to revisit 
old and familiar scenes, may we still see you, sir, in your accus- 
tomed place. 

President Bartlett, in behalf of my class, I bid you good- 
bye. 



CAMPUS ADDRESS. 



CHARLES HALE COGSWELL, NO. EASTON, MASS. 



All things, however bright and pleasant, must come to an 
end, and in a few days our college life, with its many pleasant 
duties, its joys and its sorrows, will be a thing of the past, some- 
thing to be remembered. Soon we shall leave this little world 
of ours here, and enter upon a broader field of labor, where we 
can put into practical use the talents we have here trained and 
developed. 

If in after years weary with the cares and anxieties of busi- 
ness, and sick of the many trials and disappointments of life, 
our thoughts wander back to the time when as college boys we 
were happy and careless, without a thought of the morrow, if our 
life here returns to us then, how many pleasant memories will 
cluster around this dear old campus. 

We shall remember this as the place where we have spent 
some of the happiest hours of our life. Here we have formed 
friendships more lasting and sincere than any we can make in 
after life, for then the stern realities of life will give us neither 
time nor opportunity for the close intimacies which are such a 
pleasant part of our college life. Here on our common play 
ground a man shows his true character, nothing is hidden. Each 
one's good and bad qualities, which the class room or private 
life take a long time to bring out, are here soon discovered. 
It was on this spot that we held our first class meeting, where we 
encountered the Sophs and showed our metal in the rush that 
followed. In that our first initiation into college ways, we 
carried ourselves with all clue honor and credit, that is we car- 
ried off the ball. But our rushing days are now over, and the 
custom, once so popular at Dartmouth, bids fair soon to be a 
thing of the past, and ought it not to be so, for do not men, 



Campus ADbfeEsS. 25 

who are older and more experienced than we, tell Us that " rush- 
ing " is the last remnant of hazing, which is a relic of barbar- 
ism ? 

As in that our first contest we came out victorious, so may 
we in our future struggles for honor, position, and wealth, meet 
with the same good fortune. The qualities of courage, persever- 
ance, and willingness to work, which were brought out so forcibly 
on that night, joined to an honest upright character in a man 
form the true elements of success, with these and a steady pur- 
pose we can all hope to reach the highest round in the ladder 
of fortune, and feel sure that we rest on a solid foundation. 

Here on this campus, in our various games and many pleas- 
ant sports we have strengthened and developed the physical 
parts of our bodies, which is one of the greatest benefits we 
have received here, for without a strong, healthy body, the mind 
can not work. If we should leave here with an enfeebled body, 
and broken down in health, of how much less value would the 
mental training we have received be to us than it will now, when 
we go forth with all our faculties, mental and physical, working 
together in unison ! 

Men who go out from this college, never know how much of 
the success that attends them in the world is due to this same 
campus. Here we gain courage in ourselves, and learn to be 
self-reliant, learn too that we must depend only on our own in- 
dividual efforts to accomplish our ends. No one will win laurels 
and place them upon our brows, no one can or will lift us to po- 
sitions of honor and trust, we must gain them for ourselves. 

We read now days many severe criticisms upon our colleges 
because of the undue prominence, as they say, that is given to 
athletics. Some go so far as to affirm that the college is becom- 
ing merely a training school for athletes. We know how utterly 
false and groundless are these charges. None of us intend to 
become professional athletes, and as to being injured by the ex- 
ercise we take, it can be shown that the very opposite is the case. 
Where one man is hurt in our games, ten are broken clown by 
over study. 

But soon this place will know us no more, in two short days 
we shall have graduated and entered into the outer world for 



26 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

which we have been so long preparing. No longer will the 
chapel bell call us to our daily recitations as it has for four long 
years, no more will its last stroke in the morning find us with 
half finished toilets outside the chapel door, swearing, mentally, 
at the departure from the good old days when the organ volun- 
tary gave us time to eat our breakfast in peace, and walk to 
chapel with dignity. Never again, will the midnight hour find us 
hurrying across this campus, laden with boxes, barrels, and other 
unmentionable articles. 

When we have gone, how we shall miss these grand old ma- 
ples under whose shade we have lain on many a warm summers 
afternoon, how we shall miss those pleasant gatherings, where at 
the close of the day, our work being finished, we lifted our voices 
in the jolly college song, these, and many other things as well, we 
leave with regret. But at length the time has come when we 
must bid adieu to this dear old campus and to one another; so 
classmates, farewell. 



CLASS TREE ADDRESS. 



FRANK FREMONT SMITH, HANOVER, N. H. 



Emblems have ever been a favorite means of enforcing and 
perpetuating ideas and sentiments. When the Golden Eagle 
led the Roman column, the whole legion was thrilled with pat- 
riotism, eager for the thickest of the conflict, to achieve, to en- 
dure, for the sake of that which was symbolized by their standard. 
We have gathered to-day about our Class Tree, a living memen- 
to of the class of '80. A tree is a fitting emblem of a college 
class about to leave the fostering care of a cherishing parent and 
step forth, a companion of those who have gone before. We 
celebrate the tree to-day, not for any distinctive characteristics, 
height, noble form or grateful shade, but because it is symbolic 
of something hereafter. Yesterday it was but a common elm ; 
one of many, it could have grown only as tall as any in the thick, 
deep forest ; to-day it possesses superior advantages. Separate 
and alone, it may overtop the highest of its new companions. It 
was but yesterday that we entered Dartmouth's portals ; to-day 
greater possibilities lie before us for the advantages we have en- 
joyed. We are placed among different associates ; we rank our 
abilities with their own; and we aspire to high, noble, symmetrical 
development, through the advantage of separation and associa- 
tion. 

Every plant, be it the modest flower or the stately elm, pos- 
sesses two spheres of growth ; the one, unseen, beneath the soil, 
the essential, and the other the graceful superstructure, through 
which alone its end in nature is fulfilled. We gaze upon its 
growth ; we behold and think and speak only of the visible. So 
in relation of man to man, it is the external in thought or object, 
by which we know and are known, though conscious in ourselves 
of that deep, inward, individual existence, apart from every eye, 



2 8 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

which is the hidden spring, whence flows the current of our liYes. 
It is as this inner life is deeper and richer and broader, that the 
outward reaches its full ideal. 

This one living thing shall recall to future classes the mem- 
ory of '80. The words of our class-day will be forgotten, the 
day itself soon, but one of a long succession, with no memorial 
but a tree. How insignificant it seems beside these nobler and 
more graceful elms. The smallest of them all — its strength, 
beauty, lofty shape are in the future. So must we look forward 
through long vistas of years, ere we can hope to win for ourselves 
honor and renown. Yet this tree, frail to-day, has but to fulfil 
the simple laws of nature ; watered by grateful showers and 
strengthened by the generous sun, it will develop slowly, steadi- 
ly, adding ring upon ring of growth, till one day it shall stand 
proudly among its companions, their equal. We look into the 
future — bright visions appear — of success ; we have acquired 
honor, wealth, esteem, everything that men count dear. We 
have in one instant overleaped the hardships by which these 
things are to be attained, the labors which make them all the 
dearer. It is not by great strides that the minds of men devel- 
op ; their growth, like that of the tree by an unchangeable law 
must be by gradual increase. To perform that duty well which 
lies next, through the years, is the fulfilment of this same law, 
that of the full development of the mind. 

" Through gathering clouds and stormy seas of Fate 
Two golden watch-words guide and comfort me; 
Toiling along my path, early and late, 
I cling to Patience and Fidelity. 

In all the weary changes of my day 

I strive to follow duty faithfully ; 

And when I falter, fainting by the way, 

With subtle influence Patience strengthens me. 

So onward through what suffering God may send, 
We walk with faith, and feet that shall not tire, 
Trusting with Patience, strong unto the end, 
To reach at last, O Lord, our soul's desire." 



CHRONICLES. 



WILLIE BAINBRIDGE FELLOWS, SANDWICH CENTRE, N. H. 



On the 31st clay of August 1876, as the last stroke of the 
bell announced three minutes to eight, the south door of the 
chapel admitted a youth whose stride has never varied from 
thirty-six inches, and which on that morning was just sufficient 
to place him on the foremost freshman seat as the President 
opened the Bible. That wonderful automaton, Dickey, whom 
summer's heat or winter's cold can never change, had come to 
town two days previous, had measured the exact distance from 
his room to the chapel door, had found the time and length of 
swing of his feet and from these data reckoned the instant he 
must leave his room to be in chapel one second before the bell- 
ringer. Never but once during the whole four years has he failed 
the class. That was in senior year, when one night he neglected 
to black his boots, and the three seconds necessary for that op- 
eration, made him so much late as he came in the entry the next 
morning. The Faculty not seeing Dickey and not knowing the 
cause of his absence, thought the clock must be wrong, and im- 
mediately examined the batteries connected with it, but Dickey 
explained in time to save the old clock from being regulated. 

The first morning Wid, better known then as the Quarter, 
went to chapel, he took the Junior seats with his customary 
grace. He had been told to go up stairs and he would see his 
seat, so nothing was more natural for our languid friend from 
Ohio than to take the first one he saw. He asked a prominent 
'78 man if he wasn't homesick, and whether he wanted a room- 
mate, but his advances not being met with the friendly spirit he 
desired, he made no more. At the close of prayers he was hus- 
tled to the rear in a very insulting manner, he thought, and his 
pugilistic spirit being roused he drew back to knock several men 



30 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

down, but the affair being explained satisfactorily, they all ad- 
journed to Carter's at Wid's expense. A few days later he 
thrashed a small dirty for calling him a paene, and thus relieved 

himself somewhat. 

We soon found out from where the majority of the class 

hailed by their talk and looks. There were a few men scattered 
over the country whose votes were desirable though they did wear 
paper collars and calico neckties. A company of tone dressed 
youths with hair cut a la shingle would step up to one of the afore- 
said " scattering " and commence : " See here, stranger, we are 
going to have a class-meeting soon ; now don't be bulldozed into 
voting for any of those bloats from that sedimentary deposit of 
the Atlantic Ocean, known as Dover. They have come up here 
with the intention of ruling every thing and we have got to look 
out. We will give you the ticket to vote." There was no doubt 
about that being the Manchester delegation, for the cut of their 
hair and the smell of factory grease which had not quite evapo- 
rated gave them away. 

Soon another group would come forward conspicuous for 
the brilliancy of their neckties : " Heave to, friend, and take a 
reef on your anchor " — it was evident they had been to York 
beach a week during the summer — " this class is going to be 
piped together soon, and the scum from ward 5 of that can- 
nuck village known as Manchester, will try and take you in tow, 
so keep your skylights open and wait for our signal." It was 
clear from the clam shell hitched to the spokesman's watch chain 
that these were the " bloats " from Dover. 

Hardly had this company left before a clerical looking crowd 
walk up and a man with the faintest of faint side whiskers says : 
"By gum, sir, boating must be revived at Dartmouth. Our class 
must furnish a well-trained crew. A few men like myself, who 
understand the business must go to work. But to look after the 
interest of all this we must have a class President of the ' right 
sort.' Such a man comes from St. Johnsbury. Give him your 
support and at the same time help boating and squash those 
blamed city chaps who think they are going to run us all." It 
needed no one to announce that this man was the immortal Skip- 
per, the herald of Balaam. As the Balaam and as — , I ask your 
pardon, mule of the bible are inseparable, so Balaam and his 



Chronicles. 31 

mule of '80 are as one. Through the whole course has the mule 
— forgive us, Jake — brayed for Balaam's well being, but it has all 
been n. g. Freshman year Jake blowed for him outside of the 
room as class leader, and blew him up inside because he didn't 
work. But what were leadership, preferments and honors to 
Balaam compared with Herbert Spencer and an easy chair ! 
They no more roused his contented spirit than did Jake's exten- 
sive vocabulary of rare and exquisite slang which he bestowed 
upon Balaam without money and without price. 

Sophomore year Jake gave up completely exhausted. Jun- 
ier year he rallied and pled with him with all his Ciceronian, 
Demosthenan, and democratic eloquence, to write for the prize 
essay, but alas ! the lips that could draw the first prize from an 
obdurate committee, were as powerless as those of a girl to Ba- 
laam. This year he has been the personification of laziness. 
He expected Jake back from his school in the afternoon. He 
didn't put in an appearance, much to Balaam's surprise. Jake, 
however, wrote a card explaining and when Balaam went to sup- 
per that night, he saw the card in the office, but did our pet- 
rified friend from Ireland go in after it ? By no means. " Wall," 
said he, " as long as it was only a postal card I thought I 
wouldn't trouble to go in and get it." 

The first time we saw Tom Flint he was leaning against the 
campus fence smoking a very, very mild coffee cigarette. " Stran- 
ger, will you smoke ? " said he. No, we wouldn't. " Well, to 
tell the honest truth, I am not much of a smoker, but I would 
like to be able to smoke a cigar before I get through college. I 
am using next to the strongest brand of coffee now, and am go- 
ing to try the strongest next week." We talked about one thing 
and another till finally Tom struck his favorite theme, California. 
He kindly told us where it was and that they had Chinamen 
there. In due course of time he reached his antelope story, and 
as he has told it regularly three times a term for the last four 
years we recollect portions of it. It usually comes in after a 
series of San Juan shooting frays, his voyage to the Pacific Island 
to leave some goats, and his varied adventures with grizzly 
bears. " You can just bet we have some game where I come 
from ; we can go out any day and shoot an antelope. Well, I 
was out after some cattle one forenoon, when I saw on the other 



32 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

side of the field an antelope skimming along like blazes. I put 
the spurs to my horse and lit after him. Confounded fool that 
I was, I had left my gun and riatta at home, but I thought pos- 
sibly I might ride him down. I got alongside of him and away 
we went, I yelling and basting him with my halter trying to 
turn him back. By gad ! if my blood wasn't up I am another. 
The old fellow was making ten feet every jump and his little tail 
bobbing like a night cap in a gale. Finally he sailed over the 
fence just ahead of me and that was the last of him. Gosh ! 
wasn't I swearing mad." This story always caps the climax of 
Tom's imagination and before it even Sam's thrilling trip to the 
" Provinces " pales. We will mention that in due course, for 
Sammy would never forgive us if we missed it. 

Fritz, of blessed memory, was with the class Freshman year 
and roomed near the French quarters. The only thing he liked 
about Hanover was the fact that he could hang out of the win- 
dow and talk with passers by all he wished. With the exception 
of Will Smith he had the largest number of acquaintances of any 
man in college. One time he hailed a prominent cannuck with, 
" Say, polly vous Francay ? " *' No, nor you either, you goggled- 
eyed son of a sea serpent," was the reply. Fritz reserved his 
French for home consumption thereafter. He came to the con- 
clusion in January of Sophomore year, that he was never intend- 
ed for a scholar, so left us to plod our weary way without him. 
The restless spirit which caused him so much trouble in Hanover 
stands him in good stead in New York, and if one will wait an 
hour on any street corner in the whole city, Fritz will be sure to 
pass. Among his many good traits, there was one altogether 
lovely ; he was not proud. He always treated the Spring boys 
as well as he did his washman, and never refused to walk with 
Billy Johnson, though he knew such an action made him liable 
to the withering scorn of the deaf Principal of our neighboring 
seminary. 

Perhaps it might be a good idea at this point to tell what we 
studied, but really, 1 have forgotten. It seems to me we had 
something to do with Latin and Greek, and every afternoon we 
had a habit of meeting in what is called the " Mathematical 
Room," though for what purpose has entirely slipped my mind. 
1 have talked with Mitch, but even his memory don't extend so 



CHRONICLES'. 33 

far back, and on asking Willie Pierce what we had Freshman 
year he said " Christian Fraternity and foot-ball," and was about 
to quote Smith II., on the point, so we didn't argue with' him. 
Pike's remembrances are dim on the subject, but he thinks we 
had a few medical lectures and sometime during the year he 
helped carry a big chain round the Park, though for what reason 
he has forgotten. On making inquiries of Sam Perry, he re- 
plied : " You dog rotted ignoramus! 'Pole on whist,' 'Squint 
Edgerly on Turkey raising,' and 'Will Smith on conversation.' ' 
As a last resort we went to Mose and got a pointed and satis- 
factory reply. Said he, " We had Euripides on the Crown, 
Quibe on Calculus, Livy on the Funeral Oration of Cicero, 
Sooner Spring on Aspasia, Billy Badger on Surveying orchards, 
and Demosthenes on the Divine Constitution, and a whole lot of 
other blamed rot ; but hold on, do you want sugar in yours ? 
Blessdiicant make the best ' tod ' of any man in college. You bet 
I have learned that since I have been here." Not even your 
chronicler could refuse to accept Mose's premises when followed 
by such a conclusion. 

The only thing Small Jones remembers about Freshman 
year was the rush he caused on the 2 2d of Feb., and General 
Spring is equally oblivious to everything that year, with the ex- 
ception of the oration he delivered on G. Washington. The 
Gen.'s course through college and his account of Washington, 
have a strong resemblance to each other. Says the Gen.: "Like 
the sun on a foggy morning, did he rise ; steadily did he pursue 
his way dispersing the mist which overhung our devoted country ; 
from the zenith of his glory he regarded a nation of w r hich he was 
the father ; tranquilly he descended toward the western horizon, 
shedding the effulgence of his beams on a happy people, and his 
crimson rays as he sank to his long rest promised a pleasant 
and prosperous morrow." So, I say, has it been with the Gen, 
His ruddy face beamed on us at the time when the class had de- 
termined to go to Bowdoin. He sought the Faculty and burst 
through the vapors of our discontent by securing two men from 
expulsion. In the fulness of Junior year the Gen. represented 
the class on all important committees and from the maid-envi- 
roned mountains regarded '80 as under his especial tutelage. 

5 



34 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

Day before yesterday I saw the Gen. like the sun and G. Wash- 
ington, descended upon his couch, the refulgent fumes of beer 
and cigars issuing forth from his nose announcing a well filled 
jug and a joyous commencement week for all callers. 

Freshman year ended with great eclat, especially on the part 
of Cogswell. Chas. occupied the earlier part of the last evening 
in drowning a toothache with Junction nectar. From the Junc- 
tion to Boston Charles nobly guarded the rear of the train, and 
if he didn't stain the whole length of the track with his blood, 
he did with something else which showed equally well his per- 
severance. 

What shall I say about Sophomore year ? The year of 
Stump Lane's greatness ! the year of that great novel known as 
" Amours of Chas. and the Maid ; or the mystery of the dim 
lights in Gould's kitchen," that year of the happy home of Will 
Smith and Mitchell in skunk alley ; the year that Gil. staid out 
late nights so he could be let in by the " Woman in White ; " 
the year that Roberts trained the morals of Sam. ; the year that 
Pierce and Smith II. formed their mutual admiration and anti- 
temperance society, and rejected Dana Dustan, because a young 
Miss of fourteen boxed his ears when he asked to go home with 
her ; the year — yes, the year we finished mathematics, though 
heaven only knows how scarred we were by the fight. Even Pike 
sank by the wayside and only by the aid of a crib gained the 
goal. 

Billy Johnson brought a Freshman back with him Sopho- 
more year and forever ruined him by taking him in the same 
house with the Spring boys. There was a carouse in that house 
one night. Roscoe was sent up town for some cider, but he 
drank it before he got down to the room, so had to go back again. 
At ten o'clock he made his seventeeth pilgrimage and found the 
restaurant closed, so a trip to the Junction was proposed. At 
Roscoe's then balmy condition the mere mention of the Junction 
was too much for him. While the fellows were after the team he 
sallied out and commenced to kick in windows, sing bacchan. 
nalian songs and make himself generally numerous. The rest 
of the party were obliged to leave him behind. It was under- 
stood that the General should imbibe only once to each fourth 
libation of the others so that he could drive home. On the ar- 



CHRONICLES. 35 

rival at the Junction, Tom Flint braced up to the clerk and said 
" Whereinell is the dance " " What dance ? " " Why, the dance 
in the (hie) hall." There is no dance anywhere round here to- 
night." "Well," says Tom "there is something somewhere; I 
will take mine hot." Tom played billiards for two hours with the 
butt end of the cue, and made a very successful string of five. 
This was the memorable time the Gen. " spit in the rubber." 
As long as he couldn't imbibe freely, he chewed, and when the 
Gen. chews he will discount Jake fifty points on spitting. He 
was at the very top bent of his dignity, you all know the weight 
of his bearing at such times, and during his walk across the floor 
it became necessary for him to void his mouth, so he let loose 
the cataract and down it went into a rubber. The owner looked 
at the Gen., and the Gen. returned the look unflinching, then in 
his most impressive manner turned and walked away. The Gen. 
never goes on a "time" now. He always "spits in the rubber." 
It was after this that Miss T. gave Billy Johnson warning and 
told him she wouldn't have any more "drunken" students in her 
house, and it was after this that Cogswell laughed so at his chum 
and Tom because they were " indisposed " for one day, but their 
turn came when Chas. was laid by three days on account of a 
little weak cider taken the night of the cord-wood drill in his 
room. 

To the inhabitants of virgin-haunted Stump Lane there has 
been no year in the course like Sophomore year. Lessons had 
no terrors for them, for did not each man keep his own " stud " 
which Will Smith and a few outsiders exercised daily ? Cogs- 
well delights in telling of his numerous adventures with " the 
girls." But 

" Tis remarkable, that they 

Talk most who have the least to say." 

And the innocence with which he would take Mary to church, 
and the amount of time spent in the kitchen with her, were un- 
mistakable marks of his freshness in that line. It was all " my 
Charlie " with her. " My Charlie has gone to recitation." " My 
Charlie is dressed up." " My Charlie is reading Boccaccio," or 
" It is time for my Charlie to come down stairs," were all the ex- 
pressions one could get from Mary's lips. 



36 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

The Stump Laners had dances in the winter, hare and 
hounds, foot-ball, base-ball and truck in the fall and spring, in 
fact they had everything, except their lessons. However, Joney 
had a little ambition in that direction, so we had one representa- 
tive near the head of the class. In Junior year he gave up all 
desire for marks, and bent all his energies to being pompous 
and cheeky like Barrett. He has ever since been striving for 
that distinction, but he will never attain it, for he is too small. 
No one but Hiram's great prototype can compete with him. To 
be a second Diogenes, one must have a head with no brains, but 
all mouth, and a paunch like the organ bellows with which to fill 
the aforesaid mouth, and a supply of conceit as never failing as 
the liver of Prometheus. Hiram is the only man in the United 
States, with one exception, who possesses all these. Hiram is a 
sort of a mongrel. He came to us from a school in New York, 
which is famous for its morals, which accounts for the expulsion 
of our windy friend. He lives in Massachusetts but holds 
Claremont as the place of his residence. This little town of 
Claremont is the Mecca of all Hiram's hopes and desires. His 
journeyings never extend farther, and if you can believe his 
bosom friend, Will Smith, he intends immediately starting there 
a great political and moral sheet under the name of " The Clare- 
mont Daily Blowhard. Published in the interests of banks, 
tramps, and the ' friends of Mr. Dickey who wish him to be in 
Concord during the next session of the Legislature.' ' 

But to return to Stump Lane. Jim Stone and Frank Smith 
disturbed its quiet by occasional lights over dor-bugs. Each 
would seize a handful of the bugs and then rub each other's faces 
with them, much to the amusement of the rest of the Lane which 
would stand round applauding. Will Smith made strenuous 
efforts during the year to become a member of that select com- 
pany, but the odor of Skunk Alley clung to him too close to ad- 
mit of such a thing, so all the favors he could obtain were the 
daily loans of the " horses." Just before Commencement and 
after Mary left, he succeeded in enticing away Cogswell, and the 
latter immediately became so infatuated that from that day to 
the present there has been only one place in town where one 
could feel certain of " cornering " him. The following conver- 
sation is reported as having taken place there early one evening : 



CHRONICLES. 37 

" Mr. Cogswell comes every evening, does he not ? " and the re- 
ply was made in a tired sort of a way : " Yes, he always comes 
at seven o'clock and leaves at ten, then I have to retire. I don't 
get any time whatever to myself. I shall be so glad when '80 
graduates, and I do so hope that Mr. C. wont come back here to 
study medicine in the fall." This only shows that Charles is 
very innocent and very short-sighted with regard to the ladies, 
though he would have us believe his sagacity and experience in 
that direction are unbounded. 

Probably Sooner Spring is the only man in the class who 
has fallen from the path of rectitude. And what a fall there 
was ! If ever angels wept it was the time when Sooner fell from 
the height or his pure manliness to the infamy of a visit to Man- 
chester. The cause of temperance received a fearful blow when 
Sooner and Freddy Ripley and Fred Clufr went to Manchester 
via the musical convention at Concord. It is best to draw a veil 
at this point, because they have since reformed. It is related of 
Sooner on his return that some one asked him what kind of a 
place Manchester was, and in the innocence of his heart, he re- 
plied : " It seemed to me to be a naked and rather desolate 
place from what I could see in the evening." 

Sam Perry and Geo. Roberts were probably the most loving 
couple in college while they roomed together. Robert's favorite 
seat was Sam's lap, and thus he would discourse : " O, Sammy, 
Sammy, all the love other men have for women I have for yon. 
You alone are entwined about my heart. If you should go 
astray, my happiness would be ruined and my life made a blank. 
Please, dear Sammy, promise me not to drink any beer at the 
Junction to-night." " I promise," says Sam. " Now, Geo., 
sweep the room, build the bed, bring up some coal, and find my 
slippers, and I will be more careful about cluttering up next 
term." And thus their life flowed on, a pleasant round of work 
for Roberts and promises for Sam. 

After the examination in Mechanics, Mose met the Prof, 
one day and asked if he had passed. "Yes," said Quibe, "by 
a good deal of wear and tear of my conscience." Sam Perry 
and Pike were the only men who handed in perfect papers in this 
examination, and Sam confidently affirms that Pike cribbed from 
him. Speaking of Pike reminds us of the time he and Dustan 



38 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

went visiting. It so happened they occupied a room adjoining 
a young lady's. After they had retired and Dustan had gone to 
sleep, as Pike supposed, he rapped gently on the wall. " Well, 
Clarence, dear," was the answer in Morse's alphabet. " Are 
you awake ? " asked Pike. " Yes," replied the girl. " How 
would you like to be in the parlor with me ? " asked Pike. " First- 
rate," was the reply. Dustan concluded the thing was going too 
far, so woke up and gave Pike a long moral disquisition on the 
wickedness of such proceedings, and threatened to report down 
stairs in the morning. But Pike wheedled him out of that by 
profuse promises and telling him what a nice, handsome looking 
fellow the girl thought he was, and it would cut her up awfully 
to have him give them away. Such actions on the part of Pike 
are as astonishing as a certain transaction of Pierce's. It seems 
he had been over to a party at Norwich one evening and had 
made himself so agreeable to one of the Norwich maidens that 
after he had seen her safely to her door, she offered to go home 
with him, so over they came to Hanover • Pierce, not to be out- 
done, of course went back with her, and on arriving in Norwich, 
she offered to go back with him as far as the bridge, which she 
did, but as it was three o'clock in the morning, Pierce's gallantry 
was not sufficient for another tramp in Vermont, so he bid her 
an affectionate farewell over the dark waters of the Connecticut 
and made tracks for Hanover. 

It was one of the vacations of Sophomore year that Will 
Smith and some of the other fellows visited Boston. They went 
the whole figure, and one of them said " it was the talk of Bos- 
ton the next morning how awful full Will Smith got." The part 
about his being full we don't believe, for he is like a sponge and 
can't be filled. He drank four glasses of reeking hot punch one 
night and it had no effect whatever upon his head, but, gracious, 
how he perspired ! He filled his boots, his clothes were soaking 
wet, and he would have run off in a gutter had not some one 
wrung him out in time. The treatment he received then accounts 
for his being so thin, and the reason the liquor didn't effeet his 
head, was because, like a sponge, he had no brains. 

It is a delicate subject to mention, but we must relate a lit- 
tle adventure of Jim Stone's. It seems there was a young lady 
teaching in the southern part of the state, in whom Jim was 



CHRONICLE. 39 

somewhat interested, so one vacation he put on that '76 beaver 
of his and went to see her. On his arrival at her boarding place 
he was ushered into the parlor and sent up his card. In the 
simplicity of his heart he thought she would immediately rush 
down and into his arms, so he struck an attitude in the middle 
of the room with his arms in the proper position to receive the 
precious burden. Fifteen minutes passed and Jim began to 
grow tired of standing. Half an hour elapsed and he was im- 
patient. Forty-five minutes had flown and he thought he heard 
a slight noise on the stairway, so, thoroughly aroused, he walked 
out to investigate when, horrors of horror, he saw the fair maid 
tenderly folded in the arms of a hoary-headed school committee. 
The way Jim got into his beaver and started for Manchester, was 
a caution to all fickle women. But we since hear that a recon- 
ciliation has taken place, and Jim's fiery mustache is as well 
known at Wellesley as on our own campus. Let us look at a 
Christian Fraternity man this time ; a man who receives a schol- 
arship on the consideration that he wont steal and swear ; in 
short a man with the name of Sam King. We will look at this 
man one Sunday when he cut church to go to Claremont with 
Barrett. About half way down we shall see him leaving the 
carriage to rob an orchard. Out pops a woman from behind the 
house with a broom — , " Go right away from here, you long 
legged thief, I will call my husband ! " Sam " went right away 
from there," he jumped into the wagon and gasped out, " For 
heaven's sake boys, drive fast ! " Truly Sam must have been agi- 
tated to have sworn like that ! He got further agitated in Clare- 
mont, a good deal after the style of the man who said he had a 
"shock " and fell out of his wagon; a friend standing by remark- 
ed, " I never had a shock but I have been drunk and got upset." 
Sophomore year ended ; Stump Lane broke up and remov- 
ed to the Quibe house and vicinity ; Jones and Barrett consoli- 
dated in Dartmouth Hall ; Gil, in common with many others 
fell from the means of Grace, and brought up in the company of 
Hayward. Will Smith was happy in the thoughts of being per- 
mitted to share the same room with Sam Perry provided he would 
take care of it during the year ; Strout swore to jilt Sut and live 
lovingly with Ripley at the Quibe mansion. 



4-0 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

The plans being all laid, we bade each other a tearful adieu 
to seek adventures wherever they might be found. Some rushed 
to the mountains, at the instigation of that great Sophist, Jake, 
and found themselves sold. Others went to the beach with the 
Manchester bummers, and were firmly persuaded they were hav- 
ing a good time, sleeping on the ground, doing their own cook- 
ing, starving when they were lazy, roasting one day and freezing 
the next, wearing the same shirts four weeks without taking them 
off even to wash themselves, feeding the fishes moonlight eve- 
nings and calling it "fun ; " meeting the same people they meet 
every day in Manchester, and then telling the next fall how 
many " Mashes " they made with New York girls. O, yes ! they 
had a " h — of a time " as Sam forcibly expressed it after 
wards. 

Tom Flint made his twenty-seventh trip across the continent 
with a party of Russian emigrants whom he met in Boston. As 
you may not be aware of the fact we will state that your chroni- 
cler went " West " that summer also. 

The first of Sept. found us nearly all enveloped in Hanover 
dust seeking that mystic Junior ease. Physics and astronomy 
allowed no let up to Hayward's assiduous chinning. " Old edi- 
tions " of Ganot would not work, as Chuck had them all. The 
only way to get through was to court Mitchell and laugh at all 
the appalling jokes showered upon the class. Mitch knew them 
by heart so could grin at the right moment. Hayward kept an 
eye on him, and let Mitch commence to smile, Hayward would 
make a grab at his old scratching' place and the way he scratch- 
ed and bellowed insured him a perfect mark every time. There 
is nothing like tact to get a man through this world. That free and 
easy way of Will Smith's of asking a person to give a party, to 
take him to a concert, to tell him all you know, to certainly go 
home with him " if he were going," is nothing but tact. It was 
tact on the part of Cogswell to select a father who would read 
his diary and look after his interests so well with the Faculty ; 
and it has been tact which has enabled Hayward to stand up and 
say, after making a flunk, " Ah, — yes, — that is — O, I see — cer- 
tainly — of course — I should say — yes — how stupid — I under- 
stood it, of course, and that is the way I meant to state it ! " And 
after recitation his tact would take him up to the Professor and 



Chronicles. 4* 

persuade that innocent individual that he did really Understand 
the case, when he knew no more about it than Mose asleep back 
in the seat. 

O, Rank, fearfully and wonderfully art thou made ! Fair is 
thy exterior, and by reason of thee does many a man think he is 
a little tin-god ! But within thou art like an apple of Sodom, 
full of deceit and bitter incense from the breath of onion eating 
chinners ! Thou art a false prophet who leadest men astray into 
the path of supes and into the ways of self esteem ! Better had 
it been for Hayward — and a few others — that a door-rock had 
been tied about thy neck and thou hadst been cast into Benton's 
Pond, than that thou shouldst have thus enslaved him ! 

" Bishmillah ! Hoop la ! Allee Samee Hellee man me ! 
Damee New England ! Californee bullee ! " Yes, that is Tom, 
returned the first of Oct. from Chinese cronies and San Fran- 
cisco hoodlums, fully impressed that there is no place in the 
world like California, and full charged wiih a set of adventures 
with which to regale us for the next two years. 

It is needless to mention that Smith II. is the pet of Nor- 
wich, without him the town would cease to be. He is beloved 
by the women and respected by the men. A maiden fair and 
forty has had her eye on him since he left his cradle. She made 
him take her home from prayer-meetings, she sat with him at 
the Lyceum, in fact she loved him not wisely but too well. Poor 
Smith, he never goes out of an evening now, he trembles as he 
walks through the streets unless Dutton is with him. Vacations 
he always leaves town, and term time he makes his home with 
Willie Pierce. Willie's mother says she regards Smith as a son, 
and that she has " brought him up " as it were. It is said that 
a calf brought up by hand, grows exceedingly stout and healthy. 
Now here might come in the question whether Smith was not 
" brought up " on a bottle ? 

To show that Barrett is not the only man in the class who 
thinks well of himself, we will give a few extracts from a letter 
sent to a school committee by one of our brothers. 

" Dear Sir : — In the course of human events it happens that 
a great man is compelled to seek employment beneath him from 
lack of filthy lucre. That is the way I am situated at present. 
6 



42 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

To complete my course in college I wish to gain money by 
teaching. To show you I am fully competent to take any school 
1 will give a brief description of myself. I am 5 ft. 8 in. in 
height ; dark complexion and just beginning to raise whiskers ; 
one glance of my piercing eye will quell a freshman and com- 
pletely subjugate a school-boy ; in fact I am not dashingly grand, 
but quietly dignified ; I stand high in my class, but do not lead 
through regard for the feelings of a few sensitive minds who 
wish for that position ; the faculty hold me in universal esteem 
and never question my actions ; I am editor of the leading col- 
lege publication, the sEgis ; though retiring in disposition, I am 
the most influential man in college ; my family, sir, are of the 
oldest and best in Dover, and carry on an extensive mercantile 
business in the city. 

In short, sir, if you are in need of a teacher, I am perhaps 
the best qualified man in college to hold that position. Expect- 
ing, therefore, the position, 1 am 

Yours, etc., 

Geo. H. Danforth." 

The committee were very sorry to reject such an applicant. 

Quibe house and Reed Hall ran in opposition to each other 
Junior year. The former could boast of a Freshman and Will's 
Lebanon friend, while the latter had steam and a few Seniors. 
Mose hated part of the Quibeans, but he loved their cider and 
sweet communion with Roberts, so was a frequent visitor in that 
sacred abode. 

Freddy Ripley fell in love with a Concord Freshman and 
slept every night in his arms. Fred thought of nothing but girls 
and Concord, and the number of his hen letters was astonishing. 
After the style of Roberts, all the love Chas. bestowed at the 
corner, Fred spent at the Capital, till the girls of that place 
thought "pretty Fred Ripley" was the only man in college. 
Fred had a conversation with our Senior historian one time to 
the following effect : "Will, the way I part from you at the end 
of our course will depend on how you treat me in your history. 
If you say anything about that extra trunk I brought up here 
Freshman year full of tokens from the No. Easton maidens ; if 
you mention those journies I took Sophomore year when no one 
knew where 1 went ; if you dare allude to my Concord friends 



CHRONICLES. 43 

and the numberless letters I received from there Junior year, 1 
shall ever after cut you as dead as I have cut the remembrances 
of those actions for the last year." Poor Fred, some one will 
have to Pat him on his back after the above disclosure ! 

Mitchell has taken the most varied course while in college. 
He early fell in love with Roberts ; he flirted with Aunty Jesup ; 
he took to newts because they are so human in their actions ; he 
jerked lightening and tore in shreds sunlight with Chuck ; he 
could get on to Skips Norwich Venus unerringly with the big 
telescope ; he ran the Medical department one summer while the 
Professors were hunting bodies in New York ; in short, he might 
well be called a jackass-at-all-trades. 

Jones taught Junior winter and found it necessary to give 
his school a lecture on profanity and slang. " Scholars, profan- 
ity is a da — a very bad habit — here, you little devil in the cor- 
ner, stop sticking pins into that blasted cuss in front of you. — 
As I was saying, if 1 hear any dumned swearing here, I will give 
you a he — a deuced thrashing. Slang is a thundering mean off- 
spring of profanity. Who ever uses that will mangle his future 
prospects as a gentleman and will tear himself all out of good 
society. Avoid them both as you would the d — 1." This little 
speech of Jones of course had the desired effect, and, as he 
said, " Begad, I was always after upheld as a gol-dumned model 
of propriety." 

"Is there a tongue like Delia's o'er her cup 
That runs for ages without winding up ? " 

Ves, there is, for late one evening the following familiar harangue 
took place by Quibe's fence: " Miss 13 was dressed elegant- 
ly. She had on an exquisite sea-green silk dress, trimmed with 
purple bangles, and cut bias about the ruff. It fitted heavenly 
and must have cost a pile of money, but she is awful rich you 

know ; Gov. S told me her diamonds came from Paris and 

were made specially for her. You can just bet she was swell, 
and I danced with her more times than any other fellow in the 

room, though Col. C was trying his best to get her." It 

was Will Smith describing a Manchester ball to two Hanover 
bed-mashers. He paid the fellow who saw him a big treat not 
to tell of the meeting, but it has leaked out. At another time 
he attended a dance at Hartford, and, as luck would have it, his 



44 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

partner most of the evening was a waiter girl at the Seminary. 
She went home and boasted to the girls of the " mash " she had 
made upon that " nice Mr. Smith of the Senior class of Dart- 
mouth College." 

Did you ever read " Billy Bowlegs, the Ring-tailed Roarer ; 
or the Terror of the New York Rag-pickers " ? Or have you 
perused " The Bloody-foot ; or the Mystery of the Torn Toe- 
nail " ? Perhaps Cooper's " Sea Tales " have held you spell- 
bound ? Well, they are nothing, absolutely insipid, compared 
with Sam's trip to the Provinces taken Junior spring. " We 
embarked Monday afternoon, and as the Captain's eye beheld 
the bank of clouds lying Nor'-East — Nor', by Sou'-West, he 
grasped his breeches with one hand and his trumpet with the 
other, and, amid the shrieking of the babies, yelled, ' Sheet home 
your cat-head.' We drove all that afternoon in the teeth of the 
gale at the rate of twenty miles an hour and didn't get forward a 
mile. The cabin boy told me it would be impossible to live 
through the night if we didn't put into some harbor. I was on 
deck all the time lashed to the sky-royal-sail. About six o'clock 
a row-boat came out and told us we must certainly put in for the 
night. I advised the captain not to, but he thought it best. We 
reached St. John in two days, awfully mangled. The waves 
rolled as high as Dartmouth Hall ; you could hear the gun-wale 
hiss every time it struck the water, and the jib-boom was on 
beam ends seven times, sir, during the day. The papers report- 
ed us as lost, and, by Jove, I thought one while we were." 

We have all heard a dozen times what Sam did in St. John, 
how he jumped seventy-five feet on to the floating dock, how 
everybody stared at him because he smoked cigars on the street, 
how he dined with the captain, and no end of other things, which 
he is as anxious to tell as is Tom Flint to expatiate on the man 
in Maine, " who has got a boa-constrictor in him twenty-seven 
feet long, and which has to be fed on six quarts of milk every 
day. By George, sir ! that man's paunch is so large he hasn't 
seen his feet for ten years. He has sold his body to a medical 
college for $500, the college to take possession at his death." 

When Tom writes his " History of the Spanish Missions on 
the California Coast, showing the influence of Jesuits on the 
San Juan sheep market," he intends to introduce this Maine 



CHRONICLES. 45 

man, snake and all, as a noted but unfortunate Monk of the sev- 
enteenth century. When Sam comes to describe his gorgeous 
collectien of one hundred and eighty-three neckties, made " while 
in college," he will bring forward a new edition of the "Trip," 
more thrilling than all others, and say he took it on purpose to 
procure seventeen neckties, the like of which was never seen in 
heaven above, or the earth beneath, or the waters under the 
earth, outside of St. John. Sam delights to tell what he is go- 
ing to do after leaving college, how hard he is going to work, and 
how he is going to eschew tobacco and fashion. Usurping the 
place of our efficient though modest and unassuming Prophet, 
I cast my eyes six months in the future and behold Sam seated 
in a Manchester law office. Thither he has imported an easy 
chair in which he has cast his noble frame ; his feet rest upon a 
table covered with papers and law books ; his clothes are as 
varied and subdued in hue as a peacock's tail ; a new meerschaum 
pipe hangs from his mouth, and, is that Blackstone in his hand ? 
By no means ! Question him and he will tell you he is " all tore 
out " by hard study, he is as steady as a clock, he is smoking 
now for the first time in two weeks, he has picked up the latest 
French novel, " just to get the style, you know, and to rest him- 
self after reading law all day ! " I leave him now to prophetic 
hands, but he will always " be tony or nothing," and do less 
work in more time than any other man in the class, with the ex- 
ception, however, of Will Smith. 

It is seldom a man is spoiled by discovering something new, 
but Billy Johnson has degenerated most decidedly since he 
learned he had a voice and could sing. What Billy don't know 
about music could be learned in a very short space of time, and 
he is very anxious every one should understand as much. He 
can read music the best, and sing the lowest of any man in the 
club, in fact, he sings so low that in difficult pieces he is seldom 
heard, and suppose you do hear him ? Have you had the plea- 
sure of hearing a guinea hen warble ? Have the entertaining 
strains of a feline ever called you from your downy couch? If 
so, never attend one of Billy's concerts, for out of pure force of 
habit you would reach for him with a boot-jack. If Johns 
says he can sing, of course he can sing, but it is awful hard for 
some folks to believe it. 



46 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

Says the poet 

" Dull rogues affect the politician's part, 

And learn to nod and smile, and shrug with art." 

So Barrett and Dickey, putting on their bucklers of brass and 
their helmets of impenetrable cheek, went to Concord Junior 
spring and by cringing to the great and flattering the small ob- 
tained positions as door-keepers in the State House. 

It was here that Barrett first matured his plans of becoming 
President of the U.S., but as he will be hung long before it can 
be carried into effect, there will be no use to repeat it. He also 
became acquainted with nearly as many Governors as Will Smith 
but, as he said, Dickey was such a plebeian it hindered him about 
getting into society. 

Dickey got his appointment first so Hiram told him he ought 
to treat, " Well, by George," says Dickey " I will. You go up 
to the room and I will be right along." After half an hour he 
came in, drew a big paper bag from his pocket and turned a 
quarter of a pound of pecan nuts and two young bananas upon 
the table, then generously invited Hiram to " help himself." 
Dickey had an idea he was treating Barrett magnificently, just 
as he thought he was doing the honors of the capitol most su- 
perbly when he took his young lady visitors to walk down cellar. 
Barrett says before the close of the session the Representatives 
always sent down cellar when they were in need of Mr. Dickey's 
services. One day that " little Goddambullpup " Jones, as one 
of the fellows call him, came up to Concord to see the boys. 
They introduced him to a young lady and left him to entertain 
her. After he left she went to Barrett and said " When I come 
to see you again I don't wish to be put off on children and 
babies." 

We made as " dizzy " a slide into Senior year as did Sut to 
the second base, and we found it as hard as Sut did the ground, 
but we have pulled through safely and I will narrate a few events 
that have taken place the last ten months. 

When 1 speak of Montreal 1 am aware that I am approach- 
ing dangerous ground, but I boldly and with malice aforethought 
enter upon that ground and lay bare transactions I promised 
solemnly never to mention. Tom Flint takes the most promi- 
nent part, and 1 will say here, though Tom enjoys a grind 



chronict.es. 47 

on some other the most of any man in the class, and gets 
mad the quickest when he himself is ground, that is not the rea- 
son I bring him forward so conspicuously, but as he pushed 
himself forward on that occasion, so will I help him along on 
this. We lost sight of him at the Junction but soon found him 
tied to a pair of apron strings in another car. He came back 
and took supper with us at St. Albans, and when we reached 
Montreal disinterestedly (?) advised us to go to the Windsor 
Hotel. 

The reason of Tom's wanting to go there walked into the 
dining hall the next morning with the same bewitching smile as 
captured him on the train. We had occasional glimpses of Tom 
during the day, and had the pleasure of watching him entertain 
the young lady on the deck of the boat till eleven, P. M. He 
followed the dust of her carriage all day in Quebec, and repeat- 
ed his previous nights performance on the way back to Montreal. 
Well, for four day Tom was with our party just an hour, and he 
would not have been with us even that time had he known what 
was taking place. We had delegated Mose as being the most 
idiotic, therefore most innocent looking man in the crowd, to ask 
her at the first opportunity why she didn't get Tom to introduce 
her to the rest. So on this occasion Mose put on that coal-mine 
grin of his and made known the object of his mission to Miss 
. Says she, " I have asked him to introduce me half a doz- 
en times, but he says you are all bashful, are not the fellows he 
is in the habit of associating with, in short, for certain unmen- 
tionable reasons he had rather I should not become acquainted 
with you. But to tell you the truth, I think you are real nice 
looking and act like perfect gentlemen, and I don't think it is 
nice in him at all to be so hoggish about introducing you." We 
left Tom alone in his glory with her, and he clung to her like a 
bur to a sheep's back, and was probably just as welcome. Tom 
had better cleave to his Russian emigrants and not travel with a 
party he is ashamed of, for " a man is known by the company 
he keeps." 

Mose kicked over the traces once on the boat, but as she 
couldn't have been more than fifteen he was speedily rescued. 
Gil located the pole star with that never failing pocket telescope 
of his, the first thing after we reached Montreal. He was tak- 



48 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

ing an observation just as we were going through La chine Rap- 
ids and diabolically remarked, " That star is making an awful 
rapid transit." 

Gil will mention Fairbault and get off a sick pun just once 
too often. Some man whose sensibilities have not been entirely 
deadened, will murder him, will give one quarter of his body to 
the Laboratory, one quarter to the class in Practical Physics, one 
quarter to the Prof, of Quaternions, will embalm his other quar- 
ter in a piece of parchment upon which will be recorded all of 
Gil's vile and fetid puns, and over this a monument will be built 
in Faribault announcing that " As the Nine Muses died, so died 
the tenth, Fond of Minn, Gilmore, who passed hence because he 
talked too much with his mouth." " Requiescat in helle." 

Sut has been in love with his fifteenth girl this spring term, 
has played base ball, has been " all tore out," has taught danc- 
ing to the Gen. and next to Will Smith has been the most nu- 
merous man in the class. 

There is hope for the C. S. D. school yet. Aunty Jesup asked 
Ed. Field one day, " Upon what does the length of the alimentary 
canal in birds depend? " " Upon the size of the bird," answered 
Ed. He is amply fitted for the Agricultural Department. 

Willie Pierce has lived on legality since he has been in Col- 
lege. His length is just what the law allows. He will die when 
he reaches the legal length of life, three score years and ten. 
His voice in class meetings has always been for law and order, 
and lately things have been so lawless he is always sick when 
they take place. Poor Willie, he will always be sick as soon as 
he gets in the world, for his infallibility will not be believed in 
as it is here. 

Dickey put on his one white tie and his legislative port one 
evening and sallied out to a party. In conversation with a young 
lady he said, " As I sit in the Dartmouth office I frequently see 
you go towards the barn; I suppose you like to feed the chickens, 
pigs and lambs, do you not ? The young lady, turning on her 
heel, remarked to a friend, " We have got a calf in the barn 
which I think looks exactly like Mr. Dickey." 

We must mention Dustan once more : 

" Brimful of learning see the pedant stride, 
Bristling with horrid Greek, and puffed with pride." 



Chronicles. 49 

The couplet exactly describes him at the Norwich sugar party, 
and we will quote what Dutton said about him the next morning. 
" I don't think much of Dustan. I tried to introduce him to 
some one before supper, but he wouldn't let me because he was 
afraid he would have to take her down to supper. After that he 
didn't want to for fear he would have to take some one home. 
All he seemed to want to do was to show that pod of his to the 
admiring girls." However, before the evening was over, Dustan 
did what he said no one else in the room could have done, hug- 
ged a White River girl before the whole company. 

Smith II. took Pike to a church convention in Hartford and 
introduced him to his friends. Afterwards asking some one's 
opinion of Pike he got the answer : '• I thought he was agreeable 
enough but he didn't seem to know much." 

The only death we are obliged to chronicle is that of Stacy's. 
During the time we have known him he has been a kind and ge- 
nial friend, a respected classmate, and has not had an enemy 
among our number. We shall miss his voice in the church next 
Thursday, we miss his smile among us to-day, yet we cannot but 
think he is not lost to us " but gone before." Who of- us did 
not feel that still Sunday in May, as we lowered Stacy into his 
narrow home, that perhaps his was the better lot ! How widely 
separated shall we be when the next man renders up his account. 
Could we have drawn aside the veil which covers the struggles 
and sorrows of the next ten years, think you not that half our 
number would have cheerfully slept in Stacy's place ? 

" Calm on the bosom of thy God, 

Fair spirit, rest thee now ! 

E'en while with ours thy foot-steps trod, 

His seal was on thy brow. 

Dust to its narrow house beneath ! 

Soul to its place on high ! 

They that have seen thy look in death, 

No more may fear to die." 

Classmates, there are but few things left to relate. We 
might mention Fred Cluff's success at stealing gates, and how 
he was told in Franklin to " put that down." Also, how Sam 
tried his Waxy Dunn trick of taking the best the house could 

7 



50 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

afford irrespective of others, upon the Glee Club, and found 
himself horribly taken in through the machanisms of Morton. 

We might tell of that heroic action of Mart Beale in saving 
a young lady's life from a falling tree. How she fainted in his 
arms, and how his heart has been broken ever since. " Bright 
button of my life," said he, "refresh me once more with a glance 
from your pale blue eye. Tell me you yet live for me." But 
you are growing impatient to be scalped by Dickey, so we desist. 
We would liked to have made mention of Chesley, French Hub- 
bard, Kibling, Morton, Strout and White, but they belong to 
that class of persons who, having no ideas to air, keep a pro- 
found look and close mouth, hence by all men are considered 
wise. They will be sure to succeed in life because that idiotic 
look common to them all will insure a thousand dollars the first 
year, and after that they will get along all right, the way fools 
and drunkards always do. 

The Freshman History made me enemies, and yet it was 
written entirely without malice ; and in the same spirit have the 
chronicles been written. No one likes to be ground himself, yet 
he enjoys grinds on others, and who ever of you thinks he has 
been used too hard in these pages, must remember that if your 
humble servant had not served you up in as fine a condition as 
possible you and every one else would pronounce him stale. 

It is with no particular pleasure to myself or Sam that I 
mention his ignorance of the principal character in the New Tes- 
tament ; nor yet did the recording of that letter Billy Johnson 
received Freshman year from H. Orcutt, seem to Billy or myself 
remarkably funny, but it was the Historian's business to preserve 
it whether his motives were malicious or not. In relating the 
preceeding the gall of malevolent bitterness has not been in my 
heart, but rather the milk of tenderness and compassion for you 
all. 

Four years have passed ; we have been through college, and 
as we are compelled to say farewell to vanished time, so am I 
compelled to say farewell to you. 

" Though varying wishes, hopes and fears, 
Fever'd the progress of these years, 
Yet now, days, weeks, and months but seem 
The recollection of a dream." 



PROPHECIES. 



GEORGE ARTHUR DICKEY, DERRY, N. H. 



My inclinations are not as sulphurous as those of some of 
the prophetic prodigies who have gone before me ; in fact, I am 
decidedly opposed to any close proximity with brimstone in a 
state of combustion, therefore for this occasion I have not, like 
them, taken rooms in Hades. I claim to be no rival of Moses, 
or Samuel, nor do I imagine that the Creator of the universe has 
ordained that I should perform any divine mission, therefore my 
sleeping hours have not been disturbed, nor my waking hours 
blessed, by any angel visits. I do not, like the older prophets, 
disclaim all ability to quote the poets, for there were two great 
poets in my college class, and their baneful influence can never 
be forgotten, and besides poetry I shall, like the immortal insti- 
gator of all evil whom Hayward successfully strives to imitate — 
the Devil — attempt to quote scripture to my purpose. 

But with all the reality of this occasion the surrounding 
scene is a new one to our vision. The green hills that circled 
the " Freshman Gallows," the paths where Pike and Dustan, 
Wadhams and White used to wander to watch the occupations 
of the stars and enjoy, with some village maidens, the oscula- 
tions of the lips, the summer house where King spent many an 
hour with that girl whom it would not be " proper " for him to 
have present on this occasion, these things have passed away. 
All that we recollect of them is absorbed in Pluto, that hideous 
demon of the lower world, and those accursed chronicles of his 
in which he hurled the red hot irons of his infamous wrath at 
thirty-eight of the purest men that ever suffered martyrdom. 
But 

" His tongue is now a stringless instrument, 

Words, life, substance, and all, old Pluto hath spent," 



52 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

Seventy years have passed since he uttered in his faltering speech 
that accumulation of nefarious grinds. Most of us had been 
sleeping quietly in the " blind cave of eternal night " for many 
years, when we were awakened by the last death-struggle bray 
of Balaam's ass which we supposed to be the bugle that was to 
summon us from the four corners of the earth to appear before 
St. Peter and our most holy horrible, Father Leeds, who were to 
mete out to each his portion in the orchard or the lake. 

But since we have once more deceived by this familiar bray, 
and since the hour of Pa and St. Peter has not yet come, I will 
read you a few notes taken in Hanover as I passed through that 
great metropolis on my way hither from the " narrow house " in 
bone yard of Danville, Vt. " Time and the unfeeling elements" 
had somewhat laid waste that city of ancient heroes. The scav- 
engers had removed Hod Frary and Old Poole. Colby had been 
stall-fed and sold to the cannibals. But Stump Lane remained, 
and, as formerly, was a favorite promenade for the late hours of 
the evening. Mose was not there, but his place was filled. 
Sooner was not there, but a man after Sooner's own heart was. 
Dustan was not there, but a homely, fat man took Dustan's place 
at a maiden's side. But these were painful spectacles for me to 
behold. 

It happened to be commencement week and a day some- 
thing like this. I saw a man passing up Main street, dressed in 
a pair of No. 12 rubber boots, heavy beaver overcoat and a huge 
bear-skin cap. I was anxious to learn who that great dress re- 
former could be and was told that it was the graceful, inimitable 
and only original son of the ancient Type, who was announced 
to lecture the following night in the opera house on evolution, 
with a prelude, in which he was to show the mythical nature of 
the late Pres. Bartlett's flying birds eighty feet long. 

The night of my arrival there was a re-union in the third 
story of Dartmouth hotel of the sons of sires who had conquered 
and won a sheep-skin at Dartmouth in 1880. It was a secret 
session. The son of H. Frary, Esq., clad in foul undress, with a. 
vest upon which he had cleaned his carving knife for thirty years, 
guarded the door without ; but after a few suitable words with 
the inner gate-keeper I was made such a member of the organi- 
zation as Daniel Webster is of the K. K. K. society ; and I 



PROPHECIES. 53 

stepped within the door just as the bell stopped tolling, and a 
man with a flashy necktie, shaking knees, scattering beard, stut- 
tering tongue, empty brain and apparently of Kannuck descent, 
arose and repeated, in broken English, a thirty-two minutes pray- 
er. Every home and foreign cause was weakly petitioned for 
and the category repeated till at last all joined in a relieved 
" Amen." 

A great parliamentarian held the hammer. He was a man 
of " heavy parts and easy delivery," supporting a small mous- 
tache, seventeen scowl wrinkles in his forehead, wearing light 
pants and a Prince Albert coat, with an " I-don't-care-a-damn-for- 
any-other-man " gait ; he was the legitimate son of one Arthur, 
whose surname was Spring. He stated the object of the meet- 
ing in the following entirely extemporaneous speech which he 
had delivered thirty-two times in the presence of a magnificent 
form before a six-feet mirror : 

" Gentlemen : — After listening to the protracted and life- 
destroying prayer of the imbecile Rev. Uriah Heep Hubbard, of 
the Queen's dominion, we will proceed to the sane and secular busi- 
ness of the convention, which is to listen to brief sketches nos- 
trorum mortuorwn patum. We are to make it as practical as pos- 
sible relative to the evolution theory, as a preliminary to the great 
lecture on that subject. I am pleased to note that our external 
progress marks an era of great advancement, for there was among 
them Armitage and Herrick, who were just beginning to develope 
into the first stages of embryonic manhood ; their hair still re- 
tained an unregenerate hue. There was King and William Isaac 
Smith, who had advanced from the monkey type only so far as 
to have shed that one distinguishing feature, to secure which was 
always the paramount desire of their lives. But I will desist and 
call upon one who has made the greatest advancement in the ev- 
olution development, as you will recognize, not from his present 
angelic countenance, but by observing the primitive appearance 
of his father's facial marks ; — John Kingman Hayt Cogswell 
will address you." 

This man ascended the bema and thus laid bare his father's 
failings : "I am the youngest man among you. My father spent 
the most of his college course in a preliminary courtship which 
so unfitted him for active life that he was obliged to travel sev. 



54 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

eral years in the West to restore the equilibrium of his mind. In 
this way he lost his money and the fickle friends of his youth 
flew to other arms. He soon obtained a position as pill moulder 
for a western doctor. After working at this several years he en- 
tered a medical college and at the age of thirty-two, with the aid 
of a vigorous and supplicating correspondence with the faculty 
by his father, he got his diploma. At this time he was appoint- 
ed undertaker and soon secured quite a respectable practice 
from his two professions, which mutually increased. My father 
always moved in the best society, was a little stooping in his 
stature, owing to a delicate blonde moustache which he succeed- 
ed in pulling out so far that one-eighth of cm inch was exposed to 
the air. He experienced religion several times during his life, 
and each time was briefly known as a powerful exhorter. In the 
midst of his prosperity, at the age of forty-four, he took unto 
himself a wife, the painful result of which union you see before 
you." 

With the dignity of one of Napoleon's " old guard " the pres- 
ident rose and announced the name of George Albinus Dutton, 
Jr. An old and infirm man came forward, violently shook both 
his legs alternately to jar down his pants that clung fast to his 
brawny limbs, and looked with longing anxiety toward his ankles, 
and with a crimson blush of modesty and Christian benevolence 
beaming on his countenance, he told us his tragic story. " My 
appearance before you is a miraculous instance of saved when 
almost lost. When my father died I found the family Bible which 
he had always kept carefully concealed. There I read the record 
of the awful fact that when my father took unto himself my 
mother to wife, which was two months after he received his di- 
ploma at college, she was forty and four years old. I trembled 
at the hazard of my escape from passing through this world 
without ever being born. My father was rather wayward in his 
early days, but through the influence of his lady friends he was 
imbued with a missionary spirit and I was first able to make my 
wants known in a Hindoo mission field. Here my father labored 
in the great cause and became a great favorite with the elderly 
women, who, with dishevelled hair and a profusion of tears, em- 
balmed his body and parted his raiment — the same he wore in 
college — when he made up his account." 



Prophecies. 55 

With the fire of a Cromwell the chairman called for Dan- 
forth. An infant man with auburn cheeks appeared. He step- 
ped out with such alacrity, and had such a flashing eye and dark 
hair that the assembly verily thought that Danforth must be quite 
a respectable character, but much to their credit, they very soon 
recognized their delusion. He said " My father was, in youth, a 
noble boy, the flush of childhood was on his cheek, and innocence 
was pictured on his noble brow. He led his class at the Dover High 
School. When he entered college he has often told me how he 
took the breath out of Johnnie Lord with the rapidity and brill- 
iancy of his answers, and how his classmates, during the first 
part of freshman year, looked upon him as a mighty man. But 
as the honest days of unsuspecting freshman verdancy wore away 
this first wise opinion was dispelled and they became so blind to 
every sense of justice that they looked upon him as but an un- 
mitigated ass. He had a great business ability and dealt largely 
in slate pencils and ink, at one time having four dollars and 
twenty-five cents worth of unengaged stock on hand, besides a 
a huge invoice of three ounce bottles of mucilage. While in col- 
lege he engaged heavily in the old stove and junk business, and 
for recreation was accustomed to wend his way to Norwich where 
he held sweet converse with — ahem ! — nothing green. In 19 13 
a new play came out, called the " Great musico-base-ball-benefi- 
cio-all-of-Worcester farce." My father, with his usual business 
ability, got the position as manager of one of the " Great musico- 
bass-ball-beneficio-all-of-Worcester farce " troupes, by promising 
to support the captain for the pastorate of the first church in 
Worcester, by pledging to send another # as delegate to the inter- 
national sabbath school convention at the same great city, to 
assist another to the mayorship, another to the governorship, 
and by offering to allow another to tell him what his opinions 
were on all matters, and giving another the guardianship of his 
soul. They made their first trip through the Dark Continent, lost 
$18,000, which they had borrowed and never expected to pay, 
and came back swelling with success. He died without friends 
and was cremated, which latter ceremony is probably going on at 
this time ; for I had an ominous dream after his departure up 
the flume, in which I thought I saw him tormented in hell lifting 
up his voice to Barrett, who rested on Sarah's bosom, begging 



56 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

him to dip his finger in the water and come and cool thetip of 
his tongue. But Barrett could not leave Sarah." 

With the honesty and dignity of George Washington, Mr. 
Speaker Spring rose and said : " Mr. French, we will listen to 
the remembrances of your wonderful, departed sire, Warren Con- 
verse." And a grave man thus responded : " My father, in the 
first years of his life, was inclined to be reckless. Immediately 
after graduating at college he married, in Woodstock, a fast act- 
ress who visited that city with the Drawing Room Novelty Co., 
under the management of Barrett and Ripley. He studied law 
with his father, but this was a too quiet pursuit for the festive 
genius of his wife, so they removed to New York, and, with a few 
hired actresses, put on to the boards a play of his own composi- 
tion, entitled, ' What I know about the belles of Woodstock.' 
This drew crowded houses for sixty nights. From this he be- 
came a Methodist minister, and all hopes of his redemption were 
despaired of, when, on one of his circuits, he met Pike, and that 
honest, innocent, uncontaminated countenance, and that double- 
breasted vest, recalled the memories of his days of purity, and he 
resolved to 'go and sin no more.' His last days were spent in 
the legal profession. At the age of seventy-two he was laid 
away, having been the father of twelve legitimate children." 

Here the presiding officer said, with the air of a perfect ora- 
tor, " It is my painful duty to announce that a few members of 
the ancient class, to which our fathers belonged, had no sons 
to recite their history to-day. This is a common misfor- 
tune of the race that has existed since the days of fig-leaf cos- 
tume. I observe that Frank S. Sutcliffe left no quota for the 
propagation of the human family. Bishop Faribault Gilmore will 
give a sketch of his career." 

Said Bishop Faribault Gilmore was a huge, tall man, with 
heavy side whiskers, and he held in his hand a round-topped hat. 
He said : "Mr. Sutcliffe had a terrible propensity for speculation. 
As soon as he graduated he borrowed $400,000 which he pro- 
posed to invest in a ' male caste ' Pinafore troupe. He went 
to Africa and purchased fifty men of color, and as they were not 
in the habit of wearing clothing he had them painted in delusive 
costumes to represent the different parts. He ordered one mill- 
ion nine hundred thousand posters at the ' Dartmouth press 



Prophecies. 57 

print,' and presented the ' new opera ' first in Hanover. There 
was a large attendance of the faculty and their maids, whose ac- 
quaintance Sut had made at the assemblies while in College. 
They visited the large places of the state, such as Sandwich, 
Washington, Derry, Manchester and Claremont. Barrett said 
Claremont was the ' banner republican town of the state ' and 
would patronize the men of color, so he bought the house. He 
lost just ninety-three dollars and thirty-three cents. Sutclifle 
married a beautiful belle from Dover who looked almost exactly 
like his former acquaintance, C. H. Strout. Thir connubial 
life was never happy, it was always marred by their jealousy of 
Sut's school-day loves, of whom he had a galaxy of pictures, 
numbering over two hundred. This infelicity was ended by a 
divorce which was procured on an action brought by the gentler 
party — Sut — for ' Lack of attention to family duties.' Sutcliffe 
died a millionaire, and was mourned by thousands whom he had 
swindled in the hardware business." 

M(ost) W(onderful) Wadhams was now asked to narrate the 
thrilling deeds of his bold, bad father. A man three feet thirteen 
inches tall and eleven feet waist measure, was rolled on to the 
stand. And he thus eloquently delivered himself : " This is the 
first time that I was ever on a public stand and my spare frame 
will indicate the weakness of my lungs. My father was mostly 
noted for his fatness. His marked resemblance to his noted 
college professor in Astronomy was always the pride of his life. 
Early in life he wrote a lecture on the history of the French 
Revolution, which he attempted to deliver to a small audience of 
colliers, but, though they loved him dearly, they could not bear 
more than five hours of his lecture which required thirteen hours 
and twenty minutes for a complete rehearsal His early zest for 
astronomy again asserted itself later in life. Some one said to 
him one day in the words of Strepsiaedes : 

Ti 5/yx>' 6 7t()(oxTog tg xov ovqccvov filtnn ; 

A friend standing yy answered : 

Avtoq nad' avrov dzo^ovo^inv diddaxtrai. 

After marrying one of the propellers of a Hanover baby cab, 
8 



58 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

with whom he was accustomed to flirt from his window in Reed 
Hall, he became the illustrious successor of Charles Franklin 
Emerson, who died from inordinate eating at an alumni dinner. 
My father died a bankrupt at the age of eighty-two. leaving nine 
children to perpetuate his name." 

We were requested to preserve silence while Wendell Phil- 
lips Dustan presented himself supporting a huge stomach. He 
began by saying that he was the youngest man in his class, so 
was his father. This was a very new thing about his father. He 
referred to his going into society while in college, and the care 
he was forced to exercise to keep the girls from falling in love 
with him, and he continued : " He distinguished himself while 
in college as an orator, hence my name. His remarkable pro- 
ficiency in this direction led him to choose the ministry for a 
profession. When he became pastor over a huge flock of forty 
he was undoubtedly the biggest man that ever burst the buttons 
from his vest. He was a great doctrine expounder, at one time 
holding an audience in profound slumbers for two hours. He 
always closed his services with the following benediction, ' Now 
may the grace, beauty, youth, eloquence, profundity and Dr. 
White obesity of your almighty holy lord and master, Dana M. 
Dustan, be with you evermore, Amen.' He was always a very 
young man, which accounted for many of his failings. The 
angel came to relieve us of his presence at the age of eighty — 
still very young. His early death was caused by a disease with 
which he was always troubled — abdominal dropsy." 

At this point a man with light hair and mexican brogans 
asked that he might at this juncture say a word of his father, who 
was a great college friend of the late Dana M. Dustan. You 
know who it was — Frank Walpole Hayward thus spoke : " Of 
my father's love for Dustan I cannot fittingly speak without sob- 
bing. With pathetic words he has often mentioned the peanut 
story, and his tender feeling for him when he flunked. Immedi- 
ately after graduation my father was elected as assistent to the 
Prof, in constitutional law; his duty was to help the Prof, out of 
hard places. This he did with profound wisdom and he was 
marked way up. In due time he studied law and was admitted 
to the bar. He adorned the profession physically and mentally. 
On one occasion responding to the toast "the legal profession" 



CHRONICLES. 59 

he took the opportunity to pay his respects to religion, eulogized 
Bob Ingersol, and, referring to Genisis, pronounced the whole 
thing a d — d myth. He never became President of N. H. C. 
of A. and the M. A., as he always hoped to do ; he could not 
keep Blanpied long enough in one town to chin it into him. 
The last service he did before his death in 1932 was to pronounce 
a eulogy on his esteemed classmate George Henry Hubbard. I 
will give an extract from it. ' Friends, infants and Kannucks, 
lend me your ears. A great leveller of heathen aristocracy has 
finished his walk. I remember well that pindling form, with an 
innocent and saintly countenance, adorned with a retiring beard, 
as it passed down the hill and over the Norwich bridge. I was 
accustomed to say to him, 'Skipper, what went ye forth for to see, 
a reed shaken in the wind ?.' and he would answer : ' Yea, I say 
unto you, and more than a reed, — a Bush.' He struggled hard, 
succeeded in devoloping that puny form into a walking shadow, 
and that minute mind, with only a portion of one talent, he had 
expanded until it held partial sway over three children. When 
the jewels are plated in his crown, it will sparkle with the testi- 
monies of a multitude of heathen. And I fancy that I see him 
now with that modest smile of satisfaction stealing over his face 
and that twenty-five cent cane in his hand passing through the 
pearly gate as the judge pronounces, ' well done, thou good and 
faithful Skipper ; thou hast been faithful over the fewest talents 
ever given to mortal man, I will make thee ruler over those who 
did not get on commencement ; enter thou into the joy of thine 
innocent simplicity.' " 

Gilmore made a specialty of the following subjects for the 
first six months after he left college : Quarternions, chemistry, 
rules of business, civil engineering, law, stock speculation, med- 
icine, banking, theology, Latin, metaphysics, Greek, biology, po- 
litical economy, philology and tautology. Of this last he made a 
great success. He soon became troubled on account of the 
worldliness of his pursuits and to calm his conscience he became 
a proselyte of the Episcopal church and the rector of a parish. 
He was eloquent, and he could argue ; at one time, in a company 
of his parishioners, he took the ground that jackasses wielded 
more power per capita in the political elections than the men. He 
proved his point beyond a doubt, and he had such an effect on 



60 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

the men and the jackass that they completely changed places 
in all the relations of life. He became the successor of the great 
bishop of Minnesota, bishop Whipple, founded several asylums 
for orphans and aged women, giving his personal attention to 
their supervision. His sons always held the important positions 
of trust in the state, the offices of highway surveyor and first se- 
lectman of Faribault were considered perquisites of the family, 
also the chaplainship of Shattuck School. 

The orator of Lebanon here rose and introduced North 
Eastern Ripley, who began to give the strong points of his father, 
Fred Jerome. "For a short time after June 24, 1880, he and 
Barrett acted as advance agents for a minstrel company, that is, 
Barrett did the business, and he took his girl to the show. But 
this got monotonous and expensive, like all other dissipations. 
My paternal parent then studied medicine, and began to practice 
his profession in his own town, but, though he had a large prac- 
tice, he caused such a rise in all articles of consumption that 
he was obliged to go West, where they raised corn and beef in 
great quantities. He took along with him six negro servants, 
whose time was all. occupied in preparing his food. The great 
bane of his life here was his pretty Jewish face and curly hair. 
His wife was jealous, like all wives, and she never lived in per- 
fect unconcern until he had reached the age of forty, when he 
began to grow bald and all his power over the ladies departed 
with the object of their admiration — his hair. He was the father 
of a large family of sons, who much resembled him in stomachical 
elasticity and mental incapacity. His bones are crumbling in 
the orchard at Lebanon, where he spent in devoted meditation 
so many of his college Saturdays." 

A young man with white hair, an orphan moustache, magnos 
pedes, and a pair of boxing-gloves under his left arm, began to 
speak of Ed. White, whom we thought would never have one of 
his own issue to tell his history, notwithstanding his frequent 
visits to Hartford. With a very soft, sweet voice, he said : " My 
father entered into an unexpected marriage contract shortly after 
his last visit to Hartford, senior year in college. Notwithstand- 
ing this incumbrance he began life manfully ; advertised himself 
prepared to give lessons in boxing, sparring, Latin, Greek, French, 
German, singing and California Jack, He occasionally supplied 



PROPHECIES. 6 1 

a Methodist pulpit on the Sabbath, always wearing a robe on 
these occasions, and a pair of hoops to make it stand out over 
his shoes. Once he attempted to address a Sabbath School, but 
the children all began to cry and he tried in vain to stop them 
when some one suggested that he had perhaps pitched his voice 
a little too near the artillery note. His home was always in Chi- 
chester, where he and Chesley played about seventy-five games 
of California every week-day and three times as many Sunday." 
The president then announced that he thought we were in a 
sufficiently good state of health to bear on account of the infin- 
ity of trifles performed by W. I. Smith, the " son of Judge Smith 
of Manchester." Six sons of that famous man of cloth were 
prepared to speak. Imagine my relief when it was decided that 
the one who looked least like his father should be requested to 
tell the story. A young man whose only peculiar resemblance 
to his father was the swivle fixture of his eyes, in other respects 
being quite a respectable specimen, said : " My father was, with 
one exception, the toniest man I ever saw. I must, however, 
make that single exception of his classmate Dustan. He never 
appeared out unless encased in a suit of the most approved cut, 
and always took along with him twelve or thirteen silk handker- 
chiefs, considering it very vulgar to use the same one twice, even 
in his signal service. We have at home that four button cutaway 
suit stuffed and stationed in the front hall as the most fitting re- 
minder of his departed greatness. It was probably the best fit 
ever exposed to the sunlight. It is uncertain when he was mar- 
ried, but he received the first college honor after graduation — the 
class cup. The only other competitor for it was his friend Dut- 
ton, who was twenty minutes too late. He was an immensely 
rich man early in life and made the study of applied mathemat- 
ics with reference to the latest styled neckties, his chief employ- 
ment. But his funds were diminishing fast and he had a large 
and rapidiy increasing family, so, after taking the part of a cousin 
in a Pinafore company for a few months, he studied medicine and 
practiced in his own domestic circle, occasionally going outside 
for a very high-toned case. His acquaintances were mostly com- 
posed of Manchester girls and ex-governors, of which latter class 
he knew about seven hundred. He was always greatly pressed 
with business, and at last got into such a hurry that he could not 



62 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

stop to eat for sixteen days. This fast caused his death just at the 
birth of his seventeenth child. It was his last request that Fred 
Cluff should play the organ at the funeral, June 10, 1898." 

It was a very animated and fiery orator that then relieved us 
by describing the heroic acts of the late Fred Cluff. He inform- 
ed us that his father was a very prominent man in college, but 
was not much of an athlete ; he did, however, enter the potato 
race once or twice, but this was only a joke. He was a tremen- 
dous man on a joke. He extolled his ability for selecting funer- 
al flowers and other like matters requiring great judgment. He 
travelled as pianist for a company of ballet dancers for five years 
when he married an old maid about forty-two years of age and 
settled down as organist in Dustan's church on Cape Cod. He 
was the author of two children, but they both died as soon as 
they saw their father. Last of all Freddie died also, while per- 
petrating a prodigious pun. He became very " tough " before 
his exit. This is his epitaph, written by himself : 

" Here lies Freddie Cluff, A. B., 
Who died a poor debauchee. 
Stranger, what e're thy lot may be, 
Take care lest you live a wretch like me." 

I was much pleased to hear from Service ; not from one of 
his sons, however, for he had none who recognized him as father. 
" Balaam " parted from his ass at the close of his college course 
and went to the theological seminary in New York city. Here 
it was his purpose to see the shadows of that great town, for he 
hoped to become the successor of De Witt Talmage. In this 
he succeeded admirably. He really enjoyed taking a stroll along 
some of those attractive streets and looking within those giddy 
mansions after the gas-lights had been put out. He became re- 
plete and proficient in his experience, and entered the pulpit of 
the deceased Talmage in 1888. Wishing to ape his predecessor 
as nearly as possible, he prepared a series of sermons on " The 
three great Levellers of New York society after ten o'clock." 
He had about half completed his course when he was arrested. 
Jake came to his rescue as legal advisor, and restored him to his 
respectability and social honor. He never married for he said he 
could never find a chum he would enjoy as he did Jake, under 
which circumstances he did not think it would be right to con- 



CHRONICLES. 63 

tract marriage. He was a great favorite among the widows of 
his parish, and the little children loved him. He died at the age 
of eighty-one and filled a grave just the size of the one occupied 
by the recent professor of " Dust and Ashes " in Dartmouth 
College. 

There was a man present at that meeting whom I took to be 
a remodel of the Cardiff Giant ; he was about the size of Bar- 
num's fat woman. The dignity of the assemby officially an- 
nounced Tom Thumb Jones, who thus playfully spoke of his 
father : " As soon as he completed his college course he took his 
dress suit, that nobby pair of ladies gaiters, ten cent cane, low 
chair and cricket for his feet to rest upon, and proceeded to a 
Manchester law office. Here he did himself credit, especially in 
working up police court and divorce cases, was admitted to the 
bar and began practice in that horse-car metropolis of New 
Hampshire. His reputation soon became national. The follow- 
ing case will illustrate the demand of his talents. His class- 
mate Barrett got arrested and locked up on a charge of ' Inordi- 
nate cheek ' exhibited while visiting a ladies seminary in Salt 
Lake City. He immediately sent for my father, who was then 
known as the Zaccheus of the Manchester bar, and he at once 
proceeded to relieve Barrett from his unfortunate but just im- 
prisonment. He acted the part of the good Samaritan with such 
success that Barrett was ready to give him any reward he might 
ask. Now it happened that Barrett had an adopted daughter in 
his family, named Huncamunca, whom he loved and cherished 
beyond the propriety of expression, and when he said to my 
father, 

' Oh Thumb, what do I to thy valor owe ? 
Ask some reward great as I can bestow.' 



He answered 



' I ask not kingdoms ; — I can conquer those 
I ask not money; — money I've enough 
For what I've done and what I mean to do, 
For giants slain, and giants yet unborn, 
Whom I will slay, if these be called a debt, 
Take my receipt in full : — I ask but this — 
To sun myself in Huncamunca's eyes.' 



64 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

Barrett said it was ' A prodigious bold request ' but ' none but 
the brave deserve the fair ' so he took Huncamunca to his home 
and they became the parents of seven sons. My father held the 
offices of ward clerk, common councilman, alderman, police 
judge and street commissioner of Manchester, and at the age of 
fifty, wishing to work into state politics, tried to get a position as 
page in the House at Concord, but was rejected on account of 
the brevity of his length. This disappointment caused his 
death. 

I recorded that Smith I. and Chesley became physicians. 
Chesley practiced in his native town of Epsom, where most of 
the natives thought he was the discoverer of Epsom Salts. He 
was always very proud of the fact that he cremated Cole's sink 
while in college. He considered children expensive luxuries and 
never allowed his family to number but one. After laying aside 
about $800,000 he passed on to see what the next world had in 
store for him. Smith was not so fortunate ; he practiced five 
years on land, then obtained a wife and a position as surgeon 
and tooth extractor in the U. S. Navy. He was successful in 
this until one day in 1920, while his ship was off the shore of 
one of the South Sea Islands, the Dr. went on land and was cap- 
tured and served up as the second roast at a cannibal dinner. 
The obsequies were feeling but festive. 

A man who exhibited in his countenance an utter contempt 
for anything impure, immodest or intemperate, rose and said : — 
" Mr. President and gentlemen." A man by the name of Fos- 
ter was to address us, and he waxed eloquent as he proceeded to 
say, " My father was the most innocent looking, the most pure 
minded, the most temperate, the most passionless man, the man 
most mathematically inclined, the best versed in miracles, the most 
thoroughly posted in Divine Government, the most wonderfully 
accomplished in Geology, the most religiously inclined, that ever 
entered and consented to graduate at Dartmouth college. He 
began the study of law under the tuition of Judge Chase, giving 
most of his attention to legal tender. He completed his studies 
and put on the polish with a Vermont lawyer and then went 
west. His practice was not very binding, but he made his mark 
in the lecture field. He had two lectures, one on ' The Social 
Evil,' the other a semi-biography entitled ' Balaam and his Ass.' 



CHRONICLES^ 65 

His wife was a Vershire girl who made an excellent nurse for him. 
He has not reported on earth since 1840." 

I was obliged to learn by personal solicitation the facts con- 
cerning Samuel Sinclair Perry. He studied law for a short time 
but was afraid that he could not be a good man if he practiced 
that profession. So he looked the field all over carefully and, 
all things considered, he thought it would best comport with the 
dignity of his personal appearance, with the standard of his 
moral character, and would afford him the most real sanctimoni- 
ous enjoyment, to become a catholic priest. This he did and he 
succeeded to the charge of the largest nunnery in Manchester. 
He was eminently successful and above all gave complete satis- 
faction to the Sisters of Charity. Of course he was not allowed 
to marry and his pipe was his only legitimate companion, when 
he died at the age of sixty-one he was deeply mourned by all the 
sisters and nuns, and many a child of his parish came and shed 
tears over his corpse as though a father had been taken from 
them. 

With the calm self-possession of his friend, Marshal Ney, 
the presiding official called upon the modest and strictly virtuous 
gentleman from Warrensburg, Mr. King. " My father took a 
bath at the time of the heavy spring rains senior year in college, 
and by the process incurred such a severe cold that he never 
fully recovered from its effects. This was the first and last com- 
plete absolution he ever took the same year. After graduation 
he went to Europe on the money he was able to save in college 
on account of having a scholarship. Returning he studied me- 
dicine and practiced in his native town of four churches. At all 
public meetings he was called upon to make a speech, as he 
probably had more variety in his tone and could pass from a 
high tenor down into his boots with greater rapidity than any 
other man living. As cleanliness is next to godliness he died in 
19 19 the farthest from the kingdom of heaven of any man in the 
class. 

Here the sons of the men who had been members of the 
Glee Club were asked to vary the exercises, with a song, but one 
of them was suffering severely from callous on his heel, so, as 
usual, they refused to sing. Their director Morton, however, was 

9 



66 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

a brave man and said what he could for his deceased father. He 
referred to to the fact that he was business editor of The Dart- 
mouth while in college and he felt prepared to take a position on 
any metropolitan journal. He got a place on the " Andover Sab- 
bath School Sensationalist," published three times a year in the 
interest of the theologues ; salary four dollars a month. From 
this he got the position as principal of the Andover Ladies Sem- 
inary, and filled it very acceptably, for, notwithstanding his con- 
duct at Windsor with the Pinafore company, he walked in and out 
among the girls very much to the gratification of their desires. 

A letter was here read from California in which was con- 
veyed the news that T. Flint, Jr., bought nineteen thousand sheep 
soon after he graduated, and he acted as boss over a dozen Span- 
iards who watched them. Tom's sullen countenance grew so 
sour that every time he looked at a sheep it died, and in a few 
years there was not one left. He now went into a political cam- 
paign against Dennis Kearney. Dennis got the better of him on 
the stump, and the only way Tom could secure the position was 
to have him arrested just before the election. By this means 
Tom became governor of California for two years. During his 
term of office he imported about eighty thousand Chinamen and 
executed other measures to elevate the morals of his native state. 
He closed his life while acting as boss over a company of gold 
diggers. Bossing was his favorite recreation. 

A young man of a retiring disposition, wearing eye-glasses, 
and a diamond pin studded with pearls, valued, as he told us, at 
ninety-five dollars, rose and addressed the President. The coura- 
geous chairman introduced Claremont Melrose Barrett, who thus 
addressed us : " My father was a modest man. His reticence 
and bashfulness were his great stumbling blocks to success. He 
was managing editor of the Dartmouth and might have made a 
live paper but for his excessive timidity. The faculty were proud 
of him in most respects, but they said that he, like president 
Bartlett, would be ruined by his modesty. He wanted to be a 
minister but felt so modest that he did not think he would suc- 
ceed, and he said 'God forbid.' During the first year after he 
left Hanover he was engaged in the following pursuits : traveled 
with the D. R. N. C, one week ; trip through the mountains with 
the Governor and Council, one week ; running a newspaper at 



PROPHECIES. 67 

Keene, three weeks, (it is not necessary to state that he was 
kicked out of the office on account of incautious and excessive 
bossing) ; acting colporteur in the Claremont home missionary 
field, ten days ; stumping for Garfield, one night ; reporting for 
the New York Police News, one month • canvassing for Bible 
Dictionary, two weeks, arresting tramps, four days ; lecturing on 
Trancendentalism, three minutes and a half ; hauling up banks 
for extorting usury, seven days ; excursion to Montreal on a Bos- 
ton Journal reporter's ticket, one week ; teaching an evening 
school in Boston, eight weeks ; speculating in stocks, forty-eight 
hours ; foreign correspondent for The ^Dart?nouth, two weeks ; 
working up a campaign for the position of moderator in a dis- 
trict school meeting, four weeks ; at the request of several judg- 
es, ex-congressmen, senators, clergymen and Ruel Durkee, he 
consented to act as door-keeper of the Governor and Council, 
four weeks ; and the remaining two and a half weeks of the year 
he looked after his father's finances and studied law. He was 
finally admitted to the bar and went West, entered sagaciously 
into politics and on a fraudulent technicality got into congress 
from a state where he never lived. Here he showed great knowl- 
edge of parliamentary law, compiled in pamphlet from a digest of 
his rulings before the senior class in college and presented a 
copy to the Speaker of the House. His marital life was inharmo- 
nious and I forbear to speak of it. His obituary appeared in 
The Dartmouth in 1945." 

I was not surprised to learn that Herrick let himself as a 
cigar lighter in a large tobacco establishment for the first year 
after graduation. During this time he wrote poetry, and if any 
one wanted a " light " they applied the match for an instant to 
his hair or moustache. He and Willie Smith were great rivals 
among the Manchester girls. Herrick at last entered the gospel 
ministry and always wrote his sermons in poetry, which practice 
soon caused the death of several of his flock. He wrote sever- 
al sabbath school books in rhyme, in which Robert Parkinson 
Herrick was always the hero, and George Henry Hubbard the 
villain. After launching such a curse as this upon the human 
race, he justly met the fate of his heroes and died young. 

The speaker with his usual modesty — which was about the 
same as that displayed by B. F, Butler in a stump speech — called 



68 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

upon Willie Bainbridge Sandwich Boston Providence Portland 
Ashland Fellows. Such an issue as we might expect from one 
who practiced the excesses indulged in by our classmate Fellows 
responded the following uninterrupted chatter. 

" By the eternals and the hosh donged and gol slauthered 
and bol golloxed etc. bob old seventy-nine and all the other hoi 
gollobed conglomerated and hosh dongest hell-up etc. lying 
whelps that ever waded knee deep up to their stol gothered and 
gol bothered pantaloons in the foulest and most eternally dum 
rluvered hellish etc. filth that " — Here the president asked him 
to confine his remarks to the specimen under consideration, and 
he proceeded : " Well by the conglomerated etc. and Bob Inger- 
solled and all the Jovarian etc. eternals that ever peered into the 
deepest hole in Hades from the pipe stem pinnacle of old hell- 
and-thunder shaken etc. Olympus and all the hoi gollered and dog 
rondest etc. specimen of a Charles Cogswell that was skinned 
round a corner etc. I hate like all the mingled eternals to tell on 
my gosh rammedest good natured etc if I have been introduced 
to myself etc. father that ever met a man on the threshold of his 
mortal breathing." Here the man took in wind and went on ■ 
" He had one of the gosh dumnedest cosiest etc. and best spring- 
bed-fitted-up etc. little cottages etc. at Portland Providence and 
Ashland etc. that any man could ever wish to see etc. a girl in 
and close by these he had the gol rotheredest biggest etc. and 
most eternally emptied beer tank from which any man ever filled 
a fifteen gallon stomach capacity with a two-inch-in-diameter sy- 
phon etc." I will translate the remainder of his speech which 
was to the effect that he visited these several cottages periodical- 
ly six times a year, and was gone five weeks on each trip. The 
rest of the year he did a big law business. He was married in 
1890, but this did not interfere with his Portland trips. In the 
latter part of his life be became a noted comic lecturer but never 
repeated his efforts in the same town. He wasted away and per- 
ished at the age of thirty nine. 

Kibling took a trip on foot to California and through the 
North-west the summer of 1880. This took him a little more 
than the regular vacation, but he spurted in to the Harvard Med- 
ical School just before Thanksgiving, having walked sixty-two 
hundred and twenty-seven miles in five months. On this trip he 



PROPHECIES. 69 

trained himself down so that he was only three inches and a 
quarter thick and could measure seven feet at a pace. He prac- 
ticed his profession in Vermont, where he had the great honor to 
be born. He died at the age of eighty-six years, having been the 
father of thirteen children, who were so lean and thin that it was 
necessary to use a micrometer with a telescope attachment to 
approximate their latitudinary dimensions. 

It was getting about time for the midnight train down the 
river, when a fine plug hat was seen setting on a seat near a va- 
lise labelled " Wellesley College," and the man beside them, with 
yellow hair and a golden moustache, whose ends were staring at 
each other as if about to engage in mortal combat, was asked to 
say a word about his father. All he could say for Jim Stone 
was : " Sir, he was a great mathematician and an able bell-ringer. 
He married a Wellesley girl, who was bound to wear the pants, 
so he was obliged to submit to a life of infamous humiliation. 
He had the appearance of being a great beer guzzler, but he was 
moderately temperate. Dunbarton was his permanent home ; 
here he was always first selectman and teacher of the village 
school, and lived a life of ease and poverty, circumstances which 
always made him happy." 

The president in a brotherly tone whispered the name of 
Mr. Spring II. who said ; " My father chose the healing art for 
his profession. He had a smooth and oily tongue and a pale 
and innocent face. These natural gifts sufficiently belied his 
character to commend him to the female invalids. Lone women 
called him for solace, and he administered the balm of life to 
many an orphan, and restored many a failing widow to her pris- 
tine beauty and vigor. He kept up his chemical study begun 
under the renowned and only authentic ' Bub ' who tried to 
drown himself in the Dead Sea, when ' my son and myself ' with 
' my five hundred dollar watch ' were in the East. One day he 
was performing the last experiment that was to prove the discov- 
ery of the most powerful explosive known, when his apparatus 
burst, and nothing but a shirt button was ever found to mark his 
identity ; this was ninety miles from the laboratory." 

I learned that Mitchell did not find time to marry till forty 
years aftei he graduated, consequently he was not heard from 
directly. He became, however, an eminent scientist and was 



7<D CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

once known to begin a lecture on " Bugs ; or the great Suppor- 
ters of the Race," but most of it was made up of Latin and 
German quotations and he was never allowed to finish it. His 
name will go down in history with those of Cooke aud Jesup as 
the great expounders of the "Antideluvian Buggorian Theory." 

A vain attempt was made to find out something that C. H. 
Strout had done on earth. His body was last seen in a milliner's 
show window upon which were exhibited all of his most modern 
improvements in female dress. 

Benjamin Franklin Armitage graduated at his second at- 
tempt with honors, and died shortly after from the costive effect 
of excessive purity. He always retained the beauty for which 
which he was noted in college. 

But why have I been so long in narrating what I learned of 
these co??i7nou men ? There is a trio yet to mention that rivals 
the Trinity itself in astounding and inexplicable incomprehen- 
siveness. The president sat pale and motionless upon his throne 
as he pronounced the name of Lyndon Ambrose Clarence Wil- 
liam Lemmex Pike Pierce Smith, "who," he said, "will tell of 
the deeds done in the body by the almighty metamorphosed three, 
the only men that ever lived on earth who felt worthy to become 
the successors of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit." A white 
man eight feet tall and eight and a half inches across the shoul- 
ders, wearing a full beard and a double breasted vest, thus de- 
picted the works of the Trinity. " My mother's name was Mrs. 
Smith. I was taught to address three men by the epithet 'fath- 
er,' Messrs. Pike, Pierce and Smith, who were all on equal terms 
at my home. I will speak of them seperately. Father Smith 
led his class in college, as he several times suggested. This was 
the only great thing he ever did on earth. He pursued his pro- 
fessional studies in the theological seminary of New York City, 
being advised by authority that he was the only man in his class 
smart enough to enter that institution with profit. While there 
he wrote several funeral pieces of poetry, which were read at the 
burials of the city paupers. He became the successor of Dr. 
S. P. Leeds and filled his place in every respect but one • he was 
so rheumatic in his movements that he could not equal the Dr. 
as an orator. His doleful tone made it even more easy to sleep 
under him than under the renowned Pa. He lived in Nor- 



CliRONlCLES. 7 1 

wich and was always the biggest man in that classic town. Of 
Father Pike I have but little to say. He was always very mod- 
est, and never dared to express an opinion on the minutest sub- 
ject, until he had asked Smith and Pierce if he might, 

' Which made some take him for a tool 
That knaves did work with, called a fool.' 

He became pastor of the first church in Norwich, Vt., on a sala- 
ry of $400.00 per annum, which was sufficient to clothe him, 
though he was a great fop in dress. In the latter part of his life 
he became crusted over with scales in form of Latin, Greek and 
Hebrew letters, and after he became a pastor he never held com- 
munication with man or woman, but communed entirely with 
saints and angels. Practically he died at the age of twenty-sev- 
en, but he continued to breathe thirty years longer on earth, 
when he was translated in a mighty whirlwind and this vest was 
his mantle that fell on me. But I must speak of father Pierce. 
His life was full of episodes, for some of them he was responsi- 
ble, others occurred during temporary fits of insanity, which be- 
gan to attack him before he got through college. He made a 
contract to teach the Hanover village school for a salary of 
$500.00 per annum for the first sixty years, with an alluring hope 
of promotion then, if he gave satisfaction. On the whole he was 
respected by the young ones, but one day he chanced to get into a 
mele with a couple of the larger townies who would have carried 
him out but for the sure and immovable anchors of his shoes. 
He possessed what was called a patent-reversible-let-in-or-out- 
spring-elastic-india-rubber-conscience. He never could do any- 
thing this conscience would not approve, and he never did but a 
few things any one else's conscience could approve. When he 
did things he had faithfully promised he never would do, he said 
he forgot, and his conscience was satisfied. 

' As if hypocrisy and nonsense 

Had got the advowson of his conscience.' 

One day he was asked by a friend, 

' Why didst thou choose that cursed sin 
Hypocrisy to set up in ? ' 

He blushed, but was forced to answer in the words of the same 
poet, 



7 2 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

' Because it is the thriving'st calling, 
The only saints bell that rings all in ; 
In which all churches are concerned, 
And is the easiest to be learned.' 

He once attempted to carry through a meeting what he consider- 
ed a very important matter of reconciliation. He knew there 
was a majority of one against him, but there happened to be 
among that majority one man who, in his judgment, was of 
little importance in the world, something like your prophet, so 
Pierce decided to murder him to carry his point, which he did. 
At his trial when asked if he had anything to say why sentence 
of death should not be pronounced, he said, ' Yes sir, I consider- 
ed that I was doing a great thing for the world to put that com- 
promise through, and my conscience entirely justifies me in mur- 
dering that comparatively unimportant man.' All were amazed 
and wondered at the audacity of his words, but soon were able 
to explain all by the little couplet, 

'A large conscience is all one, 
And signifies the same as none.' 

He was sentenced to be hanged by the neck until dead, but, 
though they erected the scaffold three times the usual height, 
when he dropped, his legs slipped out a joint and he walked off. 
Notwithstanding this miraculous escape his reputation was injur- 
ed and his conscience began to ferment, and, after selling his 
body for a U. S. coast survey signal pole, he died. When the 
record shall be opened at the last day, there will be found writ- 
ten within it many a mark against his name ; when the Judge 
shall ask him the meaning of that murder ; when he shall ask 
him to reconcile his words and his works ; when he shall refer 
to the ten thousand dollars he embezzled from a missionary so- 
ciety ; then will Pierce answer his last and all-convincing argu- 
ment, and say unto the Judge, ' My conscience approves it all.' " 

Here endeth the second lesson. 



CLASS ODE. 



WILLIAM ISAAC SMITH, MANCHESTER, N. H. 



Now the sun in golden splendor 
Sinks behind the western hills, 
As the shadow of our parting 
Every breast with sorrow fills. 

In this hour of all most holy ; 
In this place of all most dear ; 
Let us plight our love in parting ; 
Let us swear our fealty here. 

Like a fading dream at morning 
That will never come again, 
Are the years we've passed together, 
Bound by friendships strongest chain. 

Now we step across the threshold 
Into manhood's toil and strife, 
While beyond the distant hilltops 
Brightly shines our future life. 

Now our dream-life here is ended — ■ 
Broken now, the pipe and spell — 
O, our Father, grant thy blessing, 
Ere we speak the sad farewell. 



io 



ADDRESS TO UNDERGRADUATES. 



SAMUEL SINCLAIR PERRY, MANCHESTER, N. H. 



Fellow Students : — Another year has rolled away, and 
brought us to that point from which we must bid farewell to the 
pleasant scenes and associations of our student life, to mingle in 
the contests of the busy world without. Our college course is 
finished. Soon we must leave the old familiar halls, which have 
so often rung with joyous shouts and jovial songs. The class- 
rooms wherein we have received so much of truth and wisdom, 
and the broad campus, the scene of many a hard fought contest 
and friendly rivalry. To you who have been with us so long, 
who are united to us by those ties that only students feel, do we 
consign them as objects dear to every graduate heart, by old as- 
sociation. 

Pleasant, indeed, have been the relations which have exist- 
ed between us, during the years which have so swiftly glided by, 
and now that the hour of parting is at hand, we can more fully 
realize how strong the chains which bind us to Old Dartmouth. 
With you have we ever rejoiced in everything that contributed to 
her prosperity and good fortune, and now that we are about to 
leave her time-honored halls, we go forth with an ever increasing 
interest in her welfare, and a heartfelt " God speed her in her 
noble work." 

For four years has this venerable institution been our home. 
Here we have lived and labored ; grown from youth to manhood, 
and acquired those habits, and imbibed those sentiments and 
ideas which will form our characters in all coming time. But 
the day draws speedily nigh when we must leave this quiet home 
which has sheltered us so long, to set sail upon the turbulent sea 
of active life. 



ADDRESS TO UNDERGRADUATES. 75 

You are here preparing yourself for future work and useful- 
ness ; you are here training your minds, and developing those 
energies, with which to labor through defeat, as well as success. 
The information and discipline which you here receive should 
guide you in the right employment of your time ; should be an 
aid in the search after greater truths, showing the best way to 
put forth your efforts rather than furnishing you the ripened 
fruit. The purpose of a college course is not so much to form 
specialities, as to give every man a broad and liberal education. 
The specializing may come afterwards. It is related of a very 
prominent and distinguished authority in political science, that 
when he was in college, he studied everything alike ; prepared 
himself to a certain extent on all topics, and gained a wide and 
general knowledge ; but as soon as he had finished, this plan 
was completely reversed. To this double system he attributed 
much of his success in after life. On the other hand, caution 
should be used ; for, 

" Striving to do better, oft we mar what's well." 

And a too general plan of life-work imparts the energies and 
weakens that force, which if concentrated, could be applied to bet- 
ter advantage. Seek then the golden mean, make good use of 
your opportunities before they slip from your grasp and are gone 
forever. The thoroughness of your undergraduate course is the 
corner stone upon which all the plans for your future action will 
be based. Success is not to be had merely for the asking, but 
is the result of close and persistent application, and a determin- 
ed purpose to do well, whatever is to be done. Remember that 

" Many strokes, though with a little axe 
Hew down and fell the hardest timber'd oak." 

The record of Old Dartmouth is a most noble and brilliant 
one. May its lustre never be dimmed, but ever shine resplen- 
dent. Many are her honored sons who owe their present pros- 
perity and renown to the discipline and training obtained under 
her fostering care. Yet not alone upon her alumni, does. the 
success and reputation of the college depend, but upon you as 
well. 



76 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

You can exert a powerful influence upon her outward pros- 
perity by the zeal and diligence you manifest in the fulfilling of 
college duties, and preserving her fair fame among her sister in- 
stitutions. 

Our relations in our sports and pastimes have been not less 
pleasant than those of our college duties. A "sound mind in 
a sound body" is indispensable to success both in College and 
out of it ; and the opportunities which are here afforded you 
should not be slighted or neglected. 

We stand to-day upon an eminence from which we can look 
back along the path which we have lately come; acoss the broad 
space which we have just traversed. The past we cannot change. 
Its history is of us, but it is not ours. You who have the same 
field to pass over, the same trials and difficulties to overcome, 
take advantage of our errors and profit by our mistakes. Be 
not dismayed by the task which is set before you, but courag- 
eously battle your way through all impediments and over all ob- 
stacles, keeping always in view an ideal standard, the attainment 
of which shall animate and inspire your efforts. 

But now our college life is ended. Its setting sun lingers 
for a moment above the horizon and will soon disappear forever. 
Despite the joy and happiness of this occasion, it is with some- 
thing of regret that we contemplate leaving these familiar asso- 
ciations never to return. They are bound to us by ties which 
can never be broken ; and as we wander away from the shadow 
of Old Dartmouth to grapple with the world, we will ever carry 
with us fresh and green in our memories pleasant recollections of 
the scenes through which we have together passed and the friends 
of our college days. And now, farewell. '8o's best wishes and 
kindest regards are with you always, wherever you may be. 
Again, farewell. 



FAREWELL ADDRESS AT THE "OLD PINE." 



FRANK STEPHEN SUTCLIFFE, MANCHESTER, N. H. 



It is fitting that the last words spoken to the class should be 
about this " Old Pine." It holds a commanding position. The 
buildings, the recitation rooms and the campus are within our 
view, and the remembrances clustering about them crowd upon 
us as we stand here. That four years could pass pleasanter, or 
with more enjoyment connected with improvement, is impossi- 
ble ; yet these years have not been all pleasure. Hard feelings, 
rivalries, jealousies, have arisen, which may still rankle in the 
heart ; but we have gathered here to smoke the pipe of peace, 
and those feelings should vanish like the smoke, or, if more dif- 
ficult to be rid of, should be thrown from us and destroyed with 
the pipe. With this spirit then we can only sorrow as we think 
of our college days ended, that we are soon to leave the guid- 
ance of our instructors to be thrown upon the world to determine 
our own line of action, and to gain new friends. As we look 
forth into the broad field of the future we impeach our prophet 
by our doubts of success. We know that failure and disappoint- 
ment must come to many, but Hope tells us that a certain meas- 
ure of success may come to all ; so let us set aside these gloomy 
thoughts, and from our errors gain wisdom, and from our suc- 
cesses take courage. But to-day we stand in different relations 
than when four years ago we entered that chapel as Freshmen. 
Then our thoughts were all directed in forming opinions of every 
one else, our minds little occupied with thoughts in keeping with 
the sacred occasion. Now we are united, the intercourse of the 
recitations, our struggles on the campus, and our pride in '80, 
have brought us into a union so close and strong that it will re- 
main until '80 is no more. Now the games, the singing on the 
campus, and the visitations of our favorite walks are but memo- 



78 CLASS DAY EIGHTY. 

ries, the realities are lost to us. To look into the uncertain fu- 
ture and endeavor to see success requires a prophetic vision. 
The road is not clearly defined, but certain marks and, as it were, 
guide-posts are known to us to keep us from straying from the 
path. Energy and Honesty will direct us right, and with the 
faithful performance of our duties, an honorable and satisfying 
end will be attained. 

Responsibilities and trusts will be laid upon us, society will 
present its claims, but with those principles we shall perform our 
work well. '80 will have its representatives in business and the 
professions, and when chance shall throw us together in the fu- 
ture let us lay aside our cares and, for a time, live over again 
these happiest days of our lives. 

Our experience as a class has been a varied one ; a few of 
the original number have left, a few have joined, but one has 
been called by our Father, in his Divine Providence, to his home 
on high. He remains not in body but his example is with us. 

Classmates : The time for us to separate has come. Hith- 
erto we have worked together with the same end in view, but 
now our ways diverge, and each pursues a different course. It 
is my sincere wish that years to come may be as enjoyable and 
profitable as these have been pleasant, that other friendships as 
true and lasting as ours may be formed. Our work is completed 
here. The goal toward which all our life's efforts thus far have 
been directed is reached, its pleasures belong to the Past, noth- 
ing but uncertainties lie in the Future. 

But one more task remains ; to say farewell to scenes famil- 
iar and faces dear, but no, we will not say farewell, for 

" Farewell, Farewell is a lonely sound, 
Which always brings a sigh; 
But give me rather, when true friends part, 
That good old word, Good-bye." 



MEMBERS OF THE CLASS. 



Benjamin Franklin Armitage, 
William Emerson Barrett, 
Andros Palmer Chesley, 
Fred Elmer Cluff, 
Charles Hale Coggswell, 
George Henry Danforth, 
George Arthur Dickey, 
Dana Marsh Dustan, 
George Albinus Dutton, 
Willie Bainbridge Fellows, 
David Johnson Foster, 
Thomas Flint, Jr., 
Warren Converse French, Jr., 
Franklin Morton Gilmore, 
Frank Morse Hayward, 
Robert Parkinson Herrick" 
George Henry Hubbard, 
William Pierce Johnson, 
Edwin Frank Jones, 
Curtis Asahel Kibling, 
Samuel Thomas King, 
George Otis Mitchell, 
Frank Morton, 
Samuel Sinclair Perry, 
William Lemmex Pierce, 
Clarence Pike, 
Frederick Jerome Ripley, 
William Alexander Service, 
Frank Fremont Smith, 
Lyndon Ambrose Smith, 
William Isaac Smith, 
Arthur Langdon Spring, 
Clarence Walter Spring, 
*John Baldwin Stacy, 
James Ephraim Stone, 
Charles Henry Strout, 
Frank Stephen Sutcliffe, 
Moses Waller Wadhams, 
Edson Walter White, 



Northfield, Vt. 
Claremont. 
Epsom. 

Haverhill, Mass. 
No. Easton, Mass. 
Dover. 
Derry. 

Peterborough. 
Norwich, Vt. 
Sandwich Centre. 
Passumpsic, Vt. 
San Juan, Cal. 
Woodstock, Vt. 
' Faribault, Minn. 
Walpole. 
Manchester. 
Sherbrooke, P. Q. 
Lynn, Mass. 
Manchester. 
So. Strafford, Vt. 
Warrensburg, N. Y. 
Bath, Me. 
Andover, Mass. 
Manchester. 
Hanover. 
Northwood. 
No. Easton, Mass. 
Lisbon Centre, N. Y 
Hanover. 
Norwich, Vt. 
Manchester. 
Lebanon. 
Lebanon. 
Vershire, Yt. 
Dunbarton. 
Dover. 
Manchester. 
Wilkes Barre, Pa. 
Wakefield, Mass. 



*Deceased. 



' V 



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LIBRARY 



